Change Ahead

I have not been writing much of my own content lately because I have been preoccupied with things going on here and preparing for a potentially BIG change within our lives.  We have arrived at a point with Pickle in which he is pushing up against a ceiling right now in placement. When this has happened in the past, he has regressed. The last thing I want is to see all the hard work and efforts everyone has put in go away, but the question has now become what is in his best interest and where do we go from here.  I also know that every time we have presented Pickle with an obtainable goal, he has shown us that he is able to do it and I would really like to see what he can do.

On our end, the circumstances that led us to seek Children Service’s involvement are no longer present. Pickle is not the same person he was coming into the situation or even three months ago and neither are his siblings or Jer and I.
I know that what Pickle needs is more real world experience that he is not going to be able to obtain within any paid placement with staff being paid to oversee his every move. I think he needs guidance from his parents and the mentoring available through his peers and siblings to learn to navigate the world as he would like to know it. So, we have decided to try and bring him home and attend the high school for his last nine weeks of his senior year.
This is not something that Jer and I are doing on a whim. We’ve re-evaluated this situation at every turn and right now, we see that he has maxed out what he can do in the system and that home is the best option. We have already agreed to a voluntary six month plan with Children Services because we know it is in Pickle’s best interest to ensure continuity of care and have the proper supports in place.  We are also realistic and know we will still need services for job training and placement, education planning, behavioral counseling and waivers/vouchers for things like summer preoccupation/camp and possibly respite to ensure that nothing/no one becomes stagnant.
I don’t know what will happen. I don’t know how long home will be the best option, but I know right now it is and may continue to be throughout his attendance at college. But I am not envisioning home to be a permanent placement. Only because I am mother who wants for my child what any other mother wants, to see her child reach his fullest potential and him living at home for the rest of his life is not Pickle’s fullest potential. I also think that allowing him to come home will give us the opportunity to see if Pickle may be able to go beyond a group home setting and with supports in place he may be able to achieve what he ultimately wants, which is to reside on his own.
The MR/DD board is concerned that we are setting him, and potentially our family, up for failure. I could not say why they’ve developed this stance and I really don’t want to get too caught up on that statement or those feelings. I just know what I know. And I know that I’m not asking DD to do anything that they wouldn’t normally do for a client. I’m only asking that they begin the process now instead of waiting for him to age out of the system at 21.
Everyone else is on board and has arrived at the same conclusion we have.
Hopefully, after the meeting with all the parties involved tomorrow we will have a better idea of the big picture.
I would ask that you join me in prayer for God’s will in this situation, not my own.

Tarot Card Reading

I had my best friend do a Tarot Card Reading for me last night. I don’t know if it’s because we’re so close or what, but they are freakishly reliable and correct. She did one for me about 5 years ago and everything that she read came to light. The way she reads is to pull 1 card for past, 1 for present, and 1 for the future. Then to do so again to reaffirm or find out what the first card ties to.

These were my cards yesterday. They won’t mean much to you unless you know anything about them. But I had to document this.



I think these both have to do with the new job I just started. The first card, represents teamwork, competence in a trade, planning…while the second card shows good intentions, sharing, feeling blessed.



1st card shows disagreement, competition, and hassles BUT the second card says I am going about it with refinement, being disciplined and self-reliant.

FUTURE: ( 2 Major Arcana)


This is significant. The first card looks a little scary but I just see it as change. I see the lightning bolt hitting the tower and the royalty falling, as the shattering of an illusion, a release….a revelation. And the second card is promising.  It tells me I will survive the revelation. It can be a reminder not to despair or give up. It says you have the inner strength to endure and triumph. If you are pushing too hard, you need to withdraw for the moment and be patient. If other people or circumstances are driving you crazy, remember the strength that comes with love and forbearance.

In other news:

after the way things have gone this week and a long talk with my best friend, i’ve accepted what i realized long ago … it’s not just about what he says and does…it’s about integrity and character and he has none. i don’t want to be married to someone like that. bottom line.

so, i meet with my attorney today at 1pm. instead of filing a separation agreement, i will be giving him the money to file for divorce.