Letters I meant to send:

mark-zuckerberg-facebook-liveDear Mr. Zuckerberg,

I humbly submit the following as my dissertation on facebook:


Many, many moons ago, in the age of MySpace, we were able to arrange and re-arrange “The Elite 8”. I bump up or down this lineup was watched and commentated on throughout pop culture. It was a “thing”. As we moved from High School MySpace to the thing all the college kids were doing on the facebook campus. We start friending everyone when we first got there as freshmen. We friended people we met through a friend of a friend at the bar even as sophomores. We started to realize that the more “friends” we added, the more platforms and pedestals we provided. It wasn’t until we were upper class-man that we started to add our family. In giving everyone a platform, we got to see the deepest and also, unfortunately, the darkest parts of their hearts. It hasn’t always been pretty, but the grotesque should not make us look away. We must brave on and look at the carnage the generations before us left behind. Never before had it been put on such vast display, not only for everyone to see, but to others to comment. This gave us the deepest look into the mind of human kind and, man …spoiler alert:… WE’RE FUCKED UP! BUT, the most brutiful part is that in friending our family members, we found our tribe. The people who communicate love in our language. Our tribe can consist of whoever the hell we want. We can still be family, without being friends and we can be friends who become family. That’s our tribe and we get to connect to it, wherever in the world we may be, whenever our tribe is needed.

Thank you, for the wake up call, Mr. Zuckerberg. From this point forward, l shall be using facebook for this purpose alone. #dailywakeupcallfromsteph


I hereby request to be permitted to graduate and henceforth be known as:

Dr. Stephanie Quinzel




Mark M. Zuckerberg, Fouder, facebook

Change Ahead

I have not been writing much of my own content lately because I have been preoccupied with things going on here and preparing for a potentially BIG change within our lives.  We have arrived at a point with Pickle in which he is pushing up against a ceiling right now in placement. When this has happened in the past, he has regressed. The last thing I want is to see all the hard work and efforts everyone has put in go away, but the question has now become what is in his best interest and where do we go from here.  I also know that every time we have presented Pickle with an obtainable goal, he has shown us that he is able to do it and I would really like to see what he can do.

On our end, the circumstances that led us to seek Children Service’s involvement are no longer present. Pickle is not the same person he was coming into the situation or even three months ago and neither are his siblings or Jer and I.
I know that what Pickle needs is more real world experience that he is not going to be able to obtain within any paid placement with staff being paid to oversee his every move. I think he needs guidance from his parents and the mentoring available through his peers and siblings to learn to navigate the world as he would like to know it. So, we have decided to try and bring him home and attend the high school for his last nine weeks of his senior year.
This is not something that Jer and I are doing on a whim. We’ve re-evaluated this situation at every turn and right now, we see that he has maxed out what he can do in the system and that home is the best option. We have already agreed to a voluntary six month plan with Children Services because we know it is in Pickle’s best interest to ensure continuity of care and have the proper supports in place.  We are also realistic and know we will still need services for job training and placement, education planning, behavioral counseling and waivers/vouchers for things like summer preoccupation/camp and possibly respite to ensure that nothing/no one becomes stagnant.
I don’t know what will happen. I don’t know how long home will be the best option, but I know right now it is and may continue to be throughout his attendance at college. But I am not envisioning home to be a permanent placement. Only because I am mother who wants for my child what any other mother wants, to see her child reach his fullest potential and him living at home for the rest of his life is not Pickle’s fullest potential. I also think that allowing him to come home will give us the opportunity to see if Pickle may be able to go beyond a group home setting and with supports in place he may be able to achieve what he ultimately wants, which is to reside on his own.
The MR/DD board is concerned that we are setting him, and potentially our family, up for failure. I could not say why they’ve developed this stance and I really don’t want to get too caught up on that statement or those feelings. I just know what I know. And I know that I’m not asking DD to do anything that they wouldn’t normally do for a client. I’m only asking that they begin the process now instead of waiting for him to age out of the system at 21.
Everyone else is on board and has arrived at the same conclusion we have.
Hopefully, after the meeting with all the parties involved tomorrow we will have a better idea of the big picture.
I would ask that you join me in prayer for God’s will in this situation, not my own.

What’s going on

It’s been 6 months since I wrote anything here, which flat-out stuns me. There used to be a time when all I did was write here. It hasn’t really been that there isn’t anything for me to write about. i just had to make my peace with writing in a more censored way than I was used to. At some point in the near future, I imagine that won’t be the case anymore.

So what has gone on for the last 6 months of my life? LOTS!

Last post: I got engaged. Didn’t really see that one coming. I mean I did. We talked about it, we had even played around in a jewelry store a few times just pointing out things and talking about the future. Then the ring came. A lot of people have asked me how I could have moved on so quickly after everything I’ve been through and if I have any doubts, but the honest to God truth is that I don’t have a single doubt. I have doubts about marriage, love and life in general, but not about him and even those tend to fade into the background where he is concerned. What has happened, happened. There really isn’t a damn thing I would’ve done differently. I know that. I accept the past exactly as is and I’m just ready to move on with my life. The future looks bright.

There are still messes from the past that are being cleaned up. The whole explosion of events from last summer have led to a court calendar I didn’t want. The last hearing is scheduled for April 18th. What it boils down to at this point is that there have been a slew of professional and evaluators in our lives since then and they have ALL determined, in a short summary, that the El Chupa Douchebag is a douchebag who is more interested in being a victim than he is in being a father to his children.

He has been reduced to supervised visits, every other Sunday for two hours, if the kids decide to go. Recently they have developed more disdain in regards to this situation because the time that he does have with them, he has used to bad mouth me and defend himself with lies, which even in their immature mind, recognize are not true, only furthering all the frustration they feel. He calls about twice a week. The kids can usually tolerate about 2-5 minutes before they’ve had enough. It’s sad, but I guess for now that’s the way it’s got to be. At least I hope it’s only for now. I would like to blame it all on Stankcy. I don’t think she’s a nice person and I believe she is actually playing all the head games he once accused me of playing. Ironic, huh? I dunno. Believe me, I’ve pretty much beat my head to a pulp trying to find a solution that end results with him being an exemplary parent. My best friend, Beavis, says sometimes that solution is just good-bye.

Fortunately, there’s been a man in their life who has stepped up to the title of father without any head banging or prompting and this seems to be making a world of difference.

Despite all this, the kids are doing great.

School is going great. Looks like I’ll be graduating with my Bachelors in Legal Studies come next summer and my career in the legal spectrum has really taken off. I like my job. I could love it. I love some of the people I work with….others I could just do without. I can’t tell you what a difference it makes to get a bit of notice for all your hard work and to have people tell you how above and beyond they think you perform in your role, even if it’s never your boss.

If you had told me 3 years ago that this would be my life, I’d probably have punched you in the face, but surprise, surprise, I’m finally where I want to be in my life story, just with different scenery, plot and characters.

Class of 2015?!?

Today was Pickle’s grade school graduation. That made me feel old.

As if that wasn’t enough, the school gave all the kids these lovely t-shirts to wear that said CLASS OF 2015.  I can’t believe that! In 2015, he’ll be graduating from high school? That’s only 8 years away – which means the teenage years are right around the corner. How did that happen? That’s less time than has passed since he came into my life, and that has flown by. wow.

Actually, I don’t feel old, it’s just a strange thing to remember graduating grade school yourself and then to watch your own child do it. Very stange.

Anyways, CONGRATS!!!! I’m one very proud, Mom.


I am done with another semester of school.  (applause) Thank you. Thank you very much.

Even though my finals haven’t been graded yet, I’m pretty certain, I’m walking away from it with an A in my Social Problems class and a B+ in my Civil Litigation II class. Seriously – I don’t know how I do it sometimes.

Yes, people, I’m proud of myself.

Huh, what do you know…. I really am.



More bullshit

El Chuba called at 5:25 to tell me that he wasn’t coming to get the kids. I said, “5 minutes before you’re supposed to be here and when the kids are ready to go and expecting you?” I tell him that our parenting plan says scheduling changes should be made 24 hours in advanced and I sorta resent that he’s going to make me be what I have never been, a bitch. He says that he was waiting on some money to show up and that it didn’t and since I wouldn’t work in the best interests of our children and help with transportation that he couldn’t afford to come get them and bring them back tonight, again Thursday, again Friday, bring Jedi out to his game and then to his sister’s graduation party Saturday (he will be attending that, of course), and then again Sunday so he wouldn’t be getting them on Thursday either and he would get them on Friday night.

I don’t remember exactly how the conversation evolved, but somehow he said that the CPO was interfering with the kids best interests and him being able to spend time with them and that I needed to drop it or he would just see me in court. I told him that all he was doing was bullying me to get his way and that him doing that over and over again makes me more inclined to have it modified or extended. I tell him that the things he says and does lately, really scares me. Again he tells me that I need to drop the CPO because it’s not in our kids best interest or that things will just get worse. I ask him how he can really think he is working in our kids best interest after when I called him around 3:30 to talk to him about Pickle getting in trouble at school, he hung up on me and then didn’t return my call and that he still hadn’t asked me about it. He asks me what happened with at school and I tell him that he has the right to call the school and that I think he should just do that and find out for himself, because he doesn’t listen to me when I talk to him about the kids, he always makes it about us somehow and points a finger at me. He says,”Well, he is living with you and he sure seems to be having a lot of problems with school since he’s been with you.” I point out that he did it again. Instead of sticking to the issue at hand, he used it as an opportunity to paint me in bad light. I told him that I wasn’t going to do this with him.

Had to make arrangements with my Dad to watch the kids as I had already paid for tickets to a Cavs game for tonight. They were out for ice cream with my Dad when ElChuba called to tell them good-night.I’m sure he be so put out because the kids weren’t available to talk, when he could have had a visitation. (eyeroll)

The good, the bad and the ugly. 3/26/07


I am gonna be the proud new momma to a …

 2007 Chevy Equinox. Part of the divorce process. Removing names on cars. I’ll be very happy…until I have to make that first payment anyways.

The BAD:

Well, it’s not bad, but it’s making life a little crazy with work and school, the kids are on Spring Break this week and it’s supposed to rain all week starting tomorrow. So, hello spring, good-bye sanity. lol


I started having excruciating pain last night in my abdomen. Got so bad, I couldn’t sleep from 4:30 this morning on. I took myself into see the doctor and found out I not only have a urinary tract infection, but a bladder infection and I’m working on a kidney infection. It’s lovely, really.

That’s a WRAP!

This semester at school has wrapped. (sigh)

You have no idea how happy I am that it’s over.

I had to take Intermediate Algebra.

F*** Algebra.

I hate it. I cursed it everytime I sat down to do it. Seriously, at least three times while I was in seminar, doing homework and taking tests, each and everytime I sat down to do it, I would say out loud, “I hate Algebra.” Really, I do. Why? Because I have ABSOLUTELY no use for it. I will have NO USE for Algebra in my chosen profession. None, but yet I am not only required to take yet another dose of Algebra because once in high school wasn’t enough, I also have to pay to take it. I think that sucks. Why can’t I take some kind of math related class that I can actually apply professionally? Like, ok, I’m going to school for Legal Studies, why can’t I take a class in say…Tax Law Math? That would be relevant. That would make sense. But, NOOooooooo, we all have to take Algebra. Blah! Fooey on you higher education system! Didn’t help that my professor was a witch either. Grrrrr…. Oh well, it’s over, I passed…no more algebra ever. yay!

I’m just grateful I have the chance to finish my degree, so even dealing with some b.s…it’s worth it.