Sunday’s Song

I watch your lips moving
I see the words taking shape
But love’s like a language
I cannot translate
I can’t afford to be careless
And let you in
I turn my head for one minute
And lose everything

Wish I had someone whom I could lean
Cause everybody’s always counting on me
With my hands held real tight
Always ready to fight
For the few pieces of joy I have now
You have turned on a light
And I’ve lost my sight
But my heart still remembers the sound
Of a dream of a love one day found
Of a dream of a love one day found
So don’t let me down

Your past it may be rocky
But your present is clear
My present situation
Is the sum of all my fears
I take responsibility for the few things I done right
But I got so much on my plate
I’m scared to take another bite
Wish I had someone on whom I could lean
Still I don’t want no one’s charity

With my hands held real tight
Always ready to fight
For the few pieces of joy I have now
You have turned on a light
And I’ve lost my sight
But my heart still remembers the sound
Of a dream of a love one day found

Heartbreak and bullets can try
To steal any good from my life
Fathers and lovers have lied
Rivers have flowed from my eyes
Never seen love face to face
Just seen it walking away
Why would you think I would recognize
Something that’s never been mine

You have turned on a light
And I’ve lost my sight
But my heart still remembers the sound
Of a dream of a love one day found
You’re the dream of a love one day found
And the freedom from what kept me bound
And a promise of staying around
My eyes may not work for me now
But my heart sure remembers the sound
So if you saying it
Please say it loud
And don’t let me down

please?

Sunday’s Song

This past week I had a friend of the opposite sex tell me that I wounded him with malice, without me even knowing I had ever had such a thought.  I cried and made my case. Then, somewhere in the midst of sending paragraph explanations, I quit. I’ve got nothing but love here. That’s my heart. There is no reason for me to tip-toe when I know my intent. Also, I have noted this interesting pattern: Usually when someone assumes/accuses ill intent where there is none on my part, it’s the accuser shadow boxing their own transgressions, or those that have previously trespassed against them.

If you want to be trusted, you have to trust. If you want more love, you have to risk love. That’s the whole thing.

Paranoia Plagued

Is it just me or has everyone developed a “the world is out to get me” mentality”?

I’m also eager to find out how it is that I come to be in the path of everyone’s projecting of it?

It always starts behind a screen. A tone assumed. Context lost in translation. Intent completely missed. The kicker is that when I see misery mount up to take me down as company and I wave a white flag and say, “I’m on your side”, the paranoid never believe me. This paranoia has a god complex and knows my intentions better than me.

I could be completely silent; and my unshared, private thoughts would haunt the paranoid.

What’s a girl to do?

I’ve tried pleading my case. I’ve offered explanations. I’ve cried way too many tears.

I’m done with it.

 

A gentleman caller

WHAT IT WAS:
A gentleman I thought had left the scene called this evening to ask me about my day.
(AND whatta a day it’s been.) Since I require immediate medical attention tomorrow morning, he told me he would pick me up, stay with me through aforementioned medical intervention, transport me to his house and provide a soft place for me to fall and recover for 24 hours per doctor’s orders.

WHAT IT FELT LIKE:

wayjtogocarla

Lyrics on my heart today: “Don’t mind if I fall apart; there’s more room in a broken heart.” Carly Simon, Coming Around Again

aloha

another potential suitor bites the dust.  *raises glass*

fuck, i don’t know what it was.  as you like to say, “it was something.” i doubt you will ever give it more credit than that. what was it? what were you to me? what was I to you?

I was your greatest ally during a time of great trepidation in your life. or I tried to be. you couldn’t even ask me about my fucking day. I have no desire to hold together the shards of your confidence; and also I could have. you know you are better than this. I’m not entirely sure which you fear more.

Please? understand this. I can’t martyr myself to the potential disease ever again.