It’s still a man’s world

I missed a call from the police department today. With a son with special needs living on his own, a newly licensed teenage son and a teenage daughter with mental health concerns, getting a voicemail with an officer/contact information but nothing else, that’s not cool!

I did what any mother would do and switched back and forth between attempting to reach the officer and my kids. Murphy’s Law: Once I got the kids checked off, I got through to the officer. He’s following up on a telecommunications harassment complaint.

To make a very long story short: I had to reprimand my daughter about something she posted on social media about the boy who randomly slid his hand up her shirt. Yes, HE harasses her, HE is dating her best friend since 1st grade and friend takes his side, HE bullies my daughter at school to intimidate her from talking, her mental health took a huge hit, I had to pull her out of the school, but she was reprimanded and had charges dangling over her head because of talking about it, yet this little fucker receives no consequences. His mother said, “My son wouldn’t do that”.

PARENTS: LISTEN! We’re all human and flawed. Yes, even your child. Believing that your child just simply isn’t capable of doing something is a poison like no other. If we do not have uncomfortable discussions with our children, we will only create monsters of privilege with no accountability. (See:Trump)

This whole situation is bringing up unpleasant memories. PTSD in full effect. I just don’t understand how this is still happening 20 years later?! That’s fucked up.

The conversation I had with her was to the point and unremarkable. The disgust and despair I feel for having to have had it at all … I don’t even have words to describe.

Fat discrimination in healthcare

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I have to vent. I have to say this. This needs to be said.

I am sick and tired of doctors associating and dismissing everything if you are a patient who is overweight, to you being overweight.

Yes, I am overweight by medical standards. I know that. I know how much I weigh, I know my BMI. But I also know that I eat well and I exercise. So, while my weight may not fit into your box, if you actually looked at the food and exercise I log, instead of down your nose at me, you might discover something else. You know, something you might discover if you actually PRACTICE medicine. What if fat is a symptom and not the cause?

I have PCOS. I have autoimmune antibodies. Antibodies attacking my optic nerve. Antibodies attacking my connective tissue, scleroderma. Scleroderma has caused me to have gastroparesis. Gastroparesis makes me eat a low residue diet. Low fiber.

So when Im suffering from excruciating stomach pain and you look at me and assume I need to eat better, eat more fiber, that’s actually the WORST thing I could do. That would cause an obstruction. It could kill me. I know it goes against everything you’ve been taught about how the body works and what we should eat, but guess what? Its how MY body works. Try actually living against all the things you’ve been taught about eating.

All bodies are different and should be treated as such. I know you’re taught to look for horses and not zebras, but zebras exist. A zebra is never going to be a fucking horse no matter how much you try to make it one.

Rant over.

WARNING: Bad Drivers EVERYWHERE!

I often find myself laughing behind the wheel of my car just at the sheer audacity and distractibility of people when they drive. But lately, it’s not humorous anymore – it’s annoying and frankly – downright scary at times.

For instance the other day. I came to a light on a four lane street. There is a left hand turning lane and two straight lanes for my direction of travel. I am in left lane, next to the left turning lane. The light turns green and the driver in front of me hesitates to proceed. I can’t figure out what they are doing, so I give them a second and then I tap the horn in case they havent seen the light. The driver then proceeds into the middle of the intersection, stops and turns on their left blinker. Mind you, there was a turning lane for this but because this driver has missed their turn and is apparently a VERY SPECIAL DRIVER they got to block all of the drivers in the left lane on this busy four lane highway in order to make their turn, instead of say, going down a block and turning around.

Things like this severely annoy me.

Also, to anyone who reads this entry: GET OFF YOUR DAMN PHONE AND DRIVE.

I was driving my kids to school this morning when the driver in the lane headed the opposite direction crossed the center line into my lane and I had to swerve to miss him. Luckily, there was nobody next to me, but this guy was texting on his phone and speeding in a school zone in bad weather. Hello? Anybody there?

I assure you that no conversation you are having on your phone whether by talking or texting, is so important that it can’t wait until you get out of your car and I can PROMISE you that its not worth damaging or taking someone’s life. There is absolutely NO REASON that any of us need to be on the phone while we’re driving. ITS IGNORANT.  Don’t wait until someone crosses a line and  kills someone you love (or you do it) to decide I was right about this.

I recently saw a show where a mother talked about her daughter being killed by someone on their cellphone while she was riding her bike. The lady never saw her, hit her with her 8,000lb SUV. As a mother, I couldn’t believe I had ever been so ignorant as to think anything I was talking about was more important than the lives/souls I passed OR my own precious cargo.

Most of us are smart enough to not drink and drive and being on your phone, even on a headset, can be just as distracting because its not about your eyes and hands, its about where your brain is.

GET OFF YOUR DAMN PHONE, whatever it is can wait and if not…… PULL OVER.

Misery Loves Company

Is it just me or is everybody becoming miserable? Or is it just that I notice it more, because I’m not? Don’t get me wrong, I get down. You can watch the news and get down but what I mean….I have stress, problems, issues…whatever you want to call them.

The difference?

Miserable people thoughtlessly take their individual misery and shove it on to the next person. Even those who might already be dealing with their own shit.

Has anybody else noticed that the more miserable people become, the more they start to focus on other people? That they will point the finger at anyone and blame them for something they would never do, but that miserable person is doing all the time, because well, they’re miserable?

It’s like they know they have some karamiac shit storm on the horizon for all the b.s. they toss around at everyone else so… the solution? Fend it off, by blaming anyone, hell maybe even everyone else, of the same astrousities to avoid the responsibility, or worse, taking the time to evaluate THEMSELVES!

Hey, here’s a novel idea for everyone … instead of worrying about what everyone else is doing, take the time to look at yourself and worry about that.

I used to feel sorry for miserable people. Try to help them, save them. I used to make excuses for them. But not anymore. They have the ability to be just as responsible and accoutnable for themselves and their actions and words as they try to make everyone else.

I’m so sick of this shit. I’m sick of it all. I’m done taking it off people.

That is all.

at wit’s end

my kids right now … oh My GOD

i am sure that they are having some sort of reaction to everything that’s been going on between the grown-ups, but it has been relatively calm this week. we’ve hardly spoke to each other. the only argument we did have happened wednesday night while they were at church with my dad, so it’s a little hard for me to understand how their little noggins are processing right now. they surely want not for attention from me, so why have they have been so difficult and bratty this week? they are fighting and screaming with each other all the time. whining. not listening to simple instructions. i wonder if it’s me and i’m just uber stressed and not able to deal with the minor….but the frequency of problems with them just seems to have skyrocketed.

patience is not a great virtue of mine.

i’m pretty sure this is why the lady at the bank now thinks i’m crazy as well. you see, i opened my own checking account, for obvious reasons. well, the kind lady who opened my account failed to tell me that i would have a five day hold placed on any checks i deposited. so despite the fact that i actually have nearly $1,ooo.oo in my account, they rejected checks for my credit card payments, charged me insufficient fund fees and now my credit card companies are charging me NSF fees as well. i went to the bank this morning and pretty much told lady that she needed to get it taken care of, because i was in the middle of a divorce, have three kids that are going through a divorce, i’m emotionally drained and really don’t need any extra added stress over stupid fees they are charging me when the money is in the account. i just about pulled my hair out in front of her. seriously, i could use some xanex or something. the stress level is just unreal.

note to self: breathe…..just breathe.

he didn’t get served monday. turns out my attorney didn’t get the papers filed until wednesday which quite possibly means he’ll be served today.

i really wish he would just move out. him being around just irritates me. anytime i say anything to him, he talks to me like a piece of shit. not like that’s anything new, but now i just don’t care to deal with it anymore. at a certain point you just get tired of being treated like shit. maybe if i explain to him that child/spousal support is retroactive from the date of filing and it might be in his best interest to leave and start paying so he’s not in arrears, he’ll go?

nah, wishful thinking. i’m convinced he lives to make me miserable.

this was a terribly negative post. all apologies. just needed a place to rant.

never ceases to amaze me

How self-involved and petty people can be.

I now understand why there are people who shut-down emotionally, put up walls around themselves and watch out for ONLY themselves. You almost have to. There is no loyalty at all. People will use you for all that you’re worth, find any petty excuse to not have to return the favor, toss you aside, leave you for dead and never give it a second thought. It’s jaw dropping to me because I have a heart, but I’m beginning to see that isn’t the case universally. I’m beginning to wonder if this is somewhat of a phenomenon here in Ohio. Wonder if it’s something in the water? I don’t know but, I promise, I could never be as judgmental, back stabbing and catty as those I’ve had the obscene pleasure of dealing with lately and I don’t want to sink to that level. I will do no harm, but I will take no shit. I am done making excuses. I’m done dealing with it.

I’ve realized most recently that a lot of people don’t see you for who YOU are, they see you for what THEY are. I generally give people the benefit of the doubt, I try to understand where they might be coming from, I had always assumed that people were generally good, but make bad choices because that’s how I AM. THEY are suspicious of everyone, assuming that people are judging them and talking about them behind their back, that people are going out of their way to make things harder on them. Why? Because that’s what THEY do.

Free advice: If you are a good person, and you try to do good deeds for others…..don’t expect shit in return. Don’t assume that good things will happen to you in return. Just be yourself because it’s who you are, watch your back and when somebody shows you who they REALLY are…believe them.

In the meantime, I have been soaking in my children’s good nature and innocence. I’ve switched my focus to someplace it is actually needed. We’ve been spending a lot of time coloring, drawing, taking walks to the park, going for bike rides, taking little day excursions to the pool with my friend Bev and her kids and we even went to the zoo. My children are wonderful people. I like them as people. I can only hope that they will continue to flourish as they get older and won’t let hellbent pessimist deter them.

Aggravation

Why or why or why do people expect of you what they never ever provide? This is where going to church your whole childhood can really screw you up. That whole….


Do unto others as you would have done unto you” thing…….CRAP! I mean don’t get me wrong, it’s great in theory but it usually doesn’t pan out. Or maybe that’s all the other stuff they fill your head with like if your a good person people will be good to you. That’s not really the same thing is it. Practicing doing unto others as you would have done unto you, doesn’t mean people WILL do unto you. That must’ve been organized religion’s take on it though. Gotta love that whole pesky sense of entitlement. What’s that about?


I guess other than just being aggravated in a general sense…..I don’t have much to complain about. I mean Jesus, was a pretty rockin dude himself and they nailed him to a cross.


Did I mention I’m getting ready to start my period and that I’m pretty sure I have another cyst in my ovary? Physicla pain in not helping my mental state.


I’m crabby people. Allow me my day without making too much of it. I guess maybe it wouldn’t be so shocking if I was always such a bitch.


This to shall pass. It always does.


Can’t wait to get back to all the fluffy stuff.

My pet peeves

  • When someone uses the last of the toilet paper and doesn’t replace it. This is especially annoying when you run to the bathroom, squeezing your butt cheeks together, letting your ass explode as it meets the seat, you take that sigh of relief and then glance over and see cardboard.
  • I didn’t like it when strangers would touch my baby. Like standing in line in the grocery store and some lady wipes her nose with her hand and then goes all “AWwww…what a cutie” and reaches over with same hand to touch baby’s cheek. EWwwww!!! And by the way- what is the tactful way to deal with that?
  • When somebody looks at one of my kids and says, “Do you think that their warm enough in that?” No, dumbass. I just thought a little frostbite might toughen them up a bit. (eyeroll)
  • The way people in my house can’t seem to make their laundry go into one of the 4 laundry baskets provided or put their trash in the trash can, especially crusty tissues.
  • People who drive in the left lane on the highway. Listen up, The left lane is for PASSING. It’s actually a LAW. But for the love of God, if you’re gonna drive in the left lane at least do the speed limit.
  • And then there are those people that think the left lane off the highway is always the “fast lane”.
  • People that don’t get out of the way for ambulances and fire trucks. I always wonder (and maybe secretly hope) if that person will call for a rescue squad one day and have some asshole be in the way while they wait in the balance.
  • People who give you dirty looks and wave their arms from their vehicle while beeping their horn because you got in their way when you made your left turn with the green arrow while they ran a red light. Yeh, I’m sorry, buddy.
  • People in customer service jobs that lack manners and courtesy.
  • Habitual drunks. Don’t get me wrong, I’m not talking about when you go out and have a good time every now and then and catch a buzz and act silly. I’m talking about people who do it often and always go past their point, start stumbling around, can barely keep their eyes open and can’t get what they’re saying out. At some point folks, it’s just not funny, cute or quirky anymore and you become the person everyone rolls their eyes at when you walk away.
  • They way people say a bunch of shit online that they would never say to your face.
  • When somebody puts back nearly empty food/drink items and you think there is a supply of something there isn’t, and realize it right after you get back from grocery shopping.
  • The way the kids ask me for something at the worst time. Ex: I’m cleaning up puke off the kitchen floor and another child says …. “Mommy, can I have ……?” Like, Hello? Do I not look busy?
  • The way men always ask where shit is, before they look, when it’s in the same place it always is or it’s something I know nothing about. “Hunny, where is my belt?” Do you guys think we have a lost stuff radar in our vaginas or something?

So, What are your pet peeves?

Whatcha talkin bout?

WARNING:  RANT AHEAD!!!

OK folks, here’s a little announcement for all of you judgmental whores who like to cast disapproving glances at complete strangers in stores because their 2 year old child is not behaving in a way that you would deem appropriate…

#1- No matter what I do, I can’t win with you. If I ignore my two year old and continue shopping, you will shake your head anyways and GOD FORBID! if I should try to discipline my daughter in public by saying “Stop it NOW!” in a stern voice or smacking her butt…cause then you’d really disapprove.

#2-My child having a temper tantrum in the middle of the store DOES NOT render me a bad parent. Please try and save the effort of your disgusted look for say a prostitute or something. This is pretty freakin typical of any child but especially one who is two years old and didn’t get a nap.

#3- She might have gotten a nap if I hadn’t been busy being a VOLUNTEER coach for both of my son’s baseball teams and my husband wasn’t required to be on call one week a month. I think I can deal with the sacrifice of a nap and it’s consequences if it means that I can participate in my other children’s lives, creating memories and building their confidence through playing sports and my husband is able to do what he has to to provide for our family.

#4- Children have bad days even with a nap. Sometimes they have colds, sometimes they’re going through a phase, sometimes their two, sometimes their just being plain ornry. An observation of my child for 5 mins, 5 hours or even 5 days would not render your opinion valid cause you still wouldn’t know them. You don’t see them when they come into my room in the morning and stand by my bed and say “Good Morning, Mommy.” and kiss my cheek. Or how if I stub my toe and cry they pat my back and say “It’s ok, Mommy.

Don’t ever assume to know my children or what’s best for them. That’s my job and I take it very seriously.

Thank-you.