I was at a punk/metal bar tonight because they were hosting a chick book club’s PRIDE drag show fundraiser.
Stop and read that again.
Punks. Metalheads. Nerds. LGBT. Black. White.
Let me add: I watched a young man pray with his now sister before they took the stage TOGETHER. An 80-something Grandma got on stage with the chick lits and danced to En Vogue’s ‘Free Your Mind’.
I really took it in. It was love.
It was really fuckin rad and beautiful.
Wild hearts can’t be broken, baby girl.
It hurts, yes, but that’s growing pains.
I know you think you’re a mess, but trust momma, you’re just breaking chains years ahead of your time.
I’m proud of you. Stay woke.
No matter what anyone does, says or thinks about it, I’ll fight for us to know the truth. I’ll never surrender.
This is OUR rally cry.
“I try to pay attention, your words just disappear, cause it’s always raining in my head. I forget all the things I should have said”
“So I speak to you in riddles, cause my words gets in my way”
“I cannot take more of this, I’m gonna come undone, or dig myself a little hole inside your precious heart”
“But, I know I’ll do the right thing, if the right thing is revealed”
It’s the EX & he’s having a meltdown. sigh
I have not yet continued my last post because I, intially, needed a distraction from that hurtful ridiculousness and then all the things began happening all at once again.
I was gifted a pass to Cleveland’s LaureLive weekend musical festival from a dear friend through a local radio station.
About midway through Saturday I started losing feeling in my right thumb. Sunday morning it had spread across the palm and at one point Sunday evening I couldnt feel my pinky or any finger tips. When my entire ride side starting to lock up, I called into my doctor’s office and was reffered to the ER to rule out a stroke.
I was discharged with instructions to follow up with my neurologist for a repeat MRI, since it has been a few years, to rule MS, again. All week the numbness has spread. It’s now in my forearm and elbow, shoulder and shoulder blade. Bizarre!
If that wasnt enough, my littlest furbaby, PNut, started really struggling to breathe today.
He was so lathatrgic and just all around … well, pathetic it broke my heart. We’ve been making inappropriate jokes about him “low-key dying” for about two months now, due to his slowing down and hacking cough but I couldnt have imagined that when I walked into the vet’s office today, I would be hearing a “congestive heart failure” diagnosis. Although, I wasnt surprised to hear his heart is enlarged (the pup has a BIG heart!)
The prognosis is not good, but we will try a routine of cardiac medications over the next week and make the hardest decision from there.
Is it just me or does it seem like either everything happens all at once or there’s nothing going on at all?
There really are no words for when your “baby daddy” ignores every grace extended and throws your baby girl under the bus for an addiction.
Was it really worth you going out like that?
I have confronted some of my biggest fears this week. It has scared the shit out of me, literally, as the stress has taken over my belly. Despite the ache and feeling sick and people’s disappointment at the potential for placing myself in danger, I’ve surprised myself. I was inspired by this song:
Im a cool girl or so Ive been told by associates of the male gender. Im the girl every guy wants to hang with. Ol buddy, ol pal. Its really not a compliment, just an observation.
The definition of cool girl is much trickier. Apperently I am the girl you know beyond a shadow of a doubt you could tell anything to, hell, Id tell you the same and mean it. It doesnt happen that way though. Theres always an unnecessary secret. The secret hurts, the details do not. I could have been saved so much trouble. But here we are again. Listening to what people think I want to hear.
And lately theres this rash of “I dont deserve you and Ill prove it” going around. Self fulfilling prophecy.
I just want to be free like all of you. Arent relationships a two-way street?
Here, let my girl Tove summarize: