She’s finally lost it

For the last couple days I have been extremely nauseated. It’s been horrible. I was pretty sure it was stress.

This morning I woke up and it was 100x worse, I started vomiting, the room was spinning…etc, etc. Despite that, I got all dressed up, heels and all, took the kids to daycare, went to work, where I got sick again and promptly had to leave.
I made a dr. appointment. He says I must have something viral, put me on a liquid diet for 2 days, wrote me a script, a dr. note to stay home from work today and tomorrow and then ordered me to come home and go to bed (see how well I listen).

When I went to the front desk to get my prescription, the snotty new girl starts telling me how my insurance isn’t any good and I need to pay for my visit up front. I explain to her that it’s an insurance mistake, I am covered, I will take care of it and call them with the info and she insists I must pay for this and that. This is the point where I finally lost it.

I had a complete emotional breakdown, right there, in front of EVERYONE.

I know, I’m exhausted, I’m sick and I’m under insane amounts of stress, but still, not so classy to be crying in front of the bitchy office staff while they look at me like I’m nuts. Thankfully, the office manager, who knows EVERYTHING about me, my situation and knows that I’ve been a patient there for 10+ years, promptly handed Miss Thing her ass on a platter and sent me on my way.

I cried the whole way home.
I just really don’t know how much more I can take. I just want all this custody dispute and legal horseshit to be done and over with. It’s too much stress.


After writing this, I went upstairs to lay down as directed by my doctor and I couldn’t sleep because the phone kept ringing. Guess who it was? The car loan company, calling to ask me where the payment for EX’s Jeep is. He was 33 days late with August’s payment and now September’s payment is 19 days past due, with October’s payment due in 11 days. I explain to them that we are divorced, he was given the Jeep in the divorce, he is responsible for payments, they tell me that the civil dispute between us has nothing to do with the contract we signed that holds me legally responsible for the payment. When I ask them if they are calling him at home, on his cell and at work they tell me that when they call they are told it’s a wrong number. I verify the numbers with them, they are correct, I tell them he calls me from those numbers almost every night. They tell me there is nothing they can do. Except harass me apparently.

(insert lots of obscenity laced screaming here)

When I asked EX to take care of this, he told me he did. When I called him and confronted him about it telling him it was still past due, he told me that he used the car payment money to pay for the guardian ad litem.

That means it took him nearly two months to come up with $350 for the guardian ad litem fees, NOT PAYING THE JEEP PAYMENT as well, which gave him an additional $450 dollars, yet somehow he found the money to go out of town on Labor Day with his skanky girlfriend.

He actually told me the other day that I should pay it since he gives me “FREE MONEY” i.e. child support, every month because he has a $2000 mortgage payment to pay every month.

No, your skanky hoe has a $2000 a month mortgage payment and let us not forget that she is a Director of Nursing, so she makes good money and she also gets “free money” every month for her 3 kids.

Tell me again, how is this now my problem?

In a round about way, it’s as if it’s more important to keep a roof over her kids’ heads than his own?

Words just don’t surmise to describe how much I loathe him right now.

Seriously, I’m gonna snap.

Perhaps, it’s time to start summoning the bitch he and his family make me out to be.

After all, I hate to disappoint.

Mo’ Money, Mo’ Problems

I’ve spent the last two days running around like a chicken with my head cut off. Filling out paperwork for work, for daycare, for school. It’s been a whirlwind.

In the midst of this it struck me that I was going to have to tell the El Chupa Douchebag about my new job and about the daycare because he is required to pay 1/2 the child care costs. So, I since I never TELL him anything, I wrote him a nice letter telling him I start on the 1st, where I had enrolled the kids, what the cost was and what he was responsible for. I also told him that I hoped it would help him be more consistent with the kids visitations, since he could just pick them up from daycare and wouldn’t have to bother with an escort or witness and the center is a little closer to him as well, which will save him gas.

His response? He calls me, while he has the kids for visitation to tell me that he wasn’t paying for anything until it was worked out in court and that since the restraining order only specifies that he can pick the kids up here at 5:30pm, that’s what he would do and if I wasn’t here with them he would just go to the police. No, it’s not a typo – that’s really what he said.  I tried explaining to him that our divorce decree provides that he is required to pay for half of childcare costs, and he said the whole things is too vague and works to my favor.  I said that it was the agreement we both reviewed and signed together. Then I tried explaining that the restraining order doesn’t include the kids, that they are not listed as protected persons, and that the only reason it says anything about picking them up and dropping them off here, was because I made that exception for him and them, because otherwise he wouldn’t be allowed on the premises. Of course, he won’t listen, because he’d rather make things difficult. He kept insisting he wasn’t allowed to pick them up and he refused to make any other arrangements.

So I  asked him, “What are you gonna do then, miss all your visitations with the kids, cause there’s no way I’ll be here by 5:30? I’m trying to make other arrangements.”

and he said, “No, I’ll be where I’m supposed to be.”

What a fucktard. (severe eyeroll)

I told him several times that he was misinterpting the restraining order and that the kids were only included in it BEFORE there were other measures in place with our Shared Parenting Plan and since that was the most recent thing on file…that’s what he’s entitled to. I told him he know in his heart that I would never call the cops on him for spending time with his kids.

I told him that I thought he should call his attorney in the morning and that I was sure he/she could help him better understand his rights and obligations. He said he would just go to the police or the court. He really wasn’t making any sense to be honest. I told him that he only had so much time with his kids and that he should spend it with them. He hung up on me only to call me back 30 minutes later, to go and on and on about the same things. Asking how I could expect him to come with an extra $150 by June 1st for their daycare? I told him I would go ahead and pay it, but he would need to pay it back to me by the 15th. He refused. He asked me how I could expect him to pay this on top of his child support and that child support needed to be adjusted. When I told him I had used the same child support calculator he had before ( and it worked out to be about the same. He started asking me why he should even work, all he does is give it to me. I told him it wasn’t me. It was for his children and that as their father he should want to take care of them. Then he asked why I would work if it was all the same.  Asked me how I could make such big decisions without consulting him? How this wasn’t in their best interest. I said considering he had theatened to not give me another dime in child support, I thought it was in the kids best interest to circumvent any financials problems that would cause and get a job to keep a roof over their head.

Stankcy was running her mouth in the background about his driving here and back with the kids, and how gas is $3.50 per a gallon. And finally, I just told him to tell her to shut-up. He said he didn’t appreciate that. I told him I didn’t care what he appreciated and she needed to shut up and mind her own business, she has her own ex husband to worry about. So of course, he makes a point to tell her, she says something about how mature I am, which is rich considering who she’s relaying it through. Laughable really. He says something about me being a hillbilly, something else about gas prices and then he hung up on me, but I’m immature. What did I do? Let it go. He had the kids for visitation for God’s sake. Spemd your time with your babies, dude. Isn’t this why we got divorced? He can just be with them and not me?

The kicker?

When the kids get home from visitation…the first thing Pickle says when he walks in the door is …. “I can’t take it anymore, all he talks about is you and money! He says you take all of his money, not half of it.” SO, not only do I have to hear it from him, I’m hearing it from my kid all over again??

I just told him, “Babe, the court decides about the money, not me, not your him… they say what they think he should pay to take care of you guys based on laws. That’s how it works. He shouldn’t be talking to you about that. Just don’t worry about it.”

I tried to change the subject and asked about snack, I asked if they had one already and Pickle says, “No and I’ll give you one guess why? Money” Then in a mocking tone, imitating his Dad he said, “I don’t have money for snack, Mommy has it all. I have to buy gas, blah blah blah” He threw his hands in the air and said “It’s baloney

It was almost comical if it wasn’t so damn sad that he was having these conversations about grown up problems with little kids. I told him if I ever said anything like that he could tell me to stop. This is the part where he told me it embarassed him when he talked about me and the money stuff like that. He said he thinks all El Chupa cares about is being mad and having money. He said he doesn’t want to go over there anymore, because he doesn’t want to listen to him. I almost cried. It hurt me so bad to hear him say that. I had never thought of that before… I mean, I knew it was stuff he shouldn’t be talking to him about, but it never even occured to me how embarassing it must be to have his Dad make such a big deal out the money he provides to take care of him or what he says about ME in front of other people.

I don’t know how I survived 6 years of marriage to that incompetent, selfish bastard.
I can’t do anything right no matter what I do. If I stay home, I’m a lazy ass, if I go to work, I’m inconvenienceing him.

FUCK YOU, El Chupa Douchebag!

Well, the shit…literally… has hit the fan.

Here’s what happened…

Wait, first, from here forward, EX will now be referred to as El Chupa Douchebag. It’s like the mythical beast, El Chupacabra,  when only shows up cloaked in darkness and devouring prey and douchebag is self-explanatory.


No, it’s not nice and yes, it’s immature, but it’s fitting and makes me feel better just saying it so I don’t really care. It also allows me to refer to him as Chupa around the kids without them being aware that I am talking about him.

Anyways,  the kids arrived home from visitation, not in the best way. They were dirty (smelt like smoke and cat poo), they were tired, they were hungry (they hadn’t eaten anything since breakfast and it was 6 o clock at night), they were all banged up (tip of Pcikle’s nose was skinned raw- his finger was cut and swollen, Jedi’s ankle was swollen and bruised) and they all had complaints about their weekend with El Chupa (they were bored, they just sat around, all El Chupa and his girlfriend, Stankcy (from here out) did was watch movies and drink and smoke).

I was not amused. First and foremost because there is a statement in our divorce papers that says we will not be under the influence of drugs or alcohol while the kids are in our care. It’s there for a reason. I don’t think he’s a bad guy, but he’s a bad guy when he drinks. I don’t want it to affect his relationship with his kids as it affected our marriage. It makes Pickle a basket of nerves and he acts out. But I decided, once again, to give him the benefit of the doubt and call him and try to get better details. After all, it is well known that kids can over exaggerate.

I put Diva in the tub and I called him and asked him when about they had eaten last and immediately he’s agitated. I could tell by the tone of his voice, he was with her and he was in a shitty mood. I cut it short and decided to change the subject, until he was alone and I could find him in a more productive way. I told him I forgot about our city taxes and I would do them tonight and that we probably owe money, I’d call him tomorrow and let him know.

Then I went to put Pickle in the shower and found his underwear covered in shit. Boys are gross, sometimes they leave more than skid marks, sometimes you get the whole tire, but… with Pickle’s history, knowing this is how he acts out and thinking about the stories I had just had relayed to me, this was more concerning to me. Aside from that, these were the same underwear I know he had on when he left Friday, so how long had they been like that?  I asked Pickle what had happened and he said he held it too long, cause someone else was in the restroom and when he was done there was no toilet paper. Ok. it happens, but I still wonder why can he be home for 20 mins and I can smell it, but they didn’t?

So I call El Chupa back and tell him and he is instantly pissed because I called him about shit. He’s totally missing the point of what I’m trying to ask which is what the hell has been going on over there and how much attention are these kids really being paid. He says he will call me back cause he is busy. And then he calls me back, on speakerphone, being all pretentious, with Stankcy adding in her two cents in the background. He is defensive. I tell him he doesn’t need to be, because I’m not blaming him – this is not about HIM. He goes on to say that the shit in Pickle’s underwear must have happened here, because why wouldn’t they have smelt it in his “little Jeep” – she adds in, when they were riding together “for over an hour” – she adds in. I ignore her and tell him, I’m not looking for blame, I’m just trying to let you know what’s going on with our kid. He insists it must have happened here. He talks down to me and is quite disrespectful, almost mocking – which I feel is for “her” benefit.  I tell him, he has no reason to talk to me like that. He starts telling me how annoyed he is with me and the drama I create.

Why can’t I even talk to him about something that is seriously concerning me, and even more, why isn’t he concerned? He keeps talking to me very disrespectfully and with her chiming in and thinking about how I’ve been the one helping him with his problems with her for the last three weeks, whenever she isn’t around, considering the things he told me about how frustrating it is to live with her and her kids because she has lower expectations of her children than we do, I start feeling really hurt and then I say …

Ya know what? You’re a piece of work. You’re fake. You’re two faced. You’re not gonna treat me one way when she’s not around and call me from work and act all buddy- buddy so you can tell me about all your problems with her and expect me to be a friend, and then turn around and treat me like shit in her presence when I’m trying to talk to you about our children.

Click. He hangs up before I can say anything else.

Not so surprisingly, this is the first day in about 3 weeks he hasn’t called me from work to talk about her. I assume this is because now they can be united – against me.

So, I still have this tax issue. I call him. I text him a couple times about the taxes to no avail. Finally, he calls me back and I ask him what he wants me to do. He says, “You’re gonna have to sign them and I don’t know what the fuck you want me to do about the payment cause I’m not driving out there for that shit tonight.”  I tell him, I can’t sign his name to them and how about he offer to pay half of it and we file an extension.  He starts getting condescending again and telling me I shouldn’t have waited so long to do this. I ask him when these taxes solely became my responsibility. He was the one who wanted to file together, so he wouldn’t have to payback an underpayment. I tell him they are just as much his responsibility.

He changes the subject…as he always does when you make a point, and he says…”I tried to call and talk to the kids last night and (heavy sarcasm) I’m sure you were all in bed, but I wanted to tell you, when I got back here last night, I found shit all over the toilet, so it looks like he held it, ran in, pulled down his pants, shit and didn’t wipe.” I tell him what Pickle had said about there not being any toilet paper. He tells me it was behind him on the back on the commode. I say, “So after everything you said to me yesterday, you’re saying now that it did happen there but you just didn’t know? I mean, how long had he been like that?” He starts flipping out, telling me he doesn’t have time for my fucking drama. I tell him there’s no need to talk to me like that. Ask him what his problem is. He hangs up on me. Jer is now getting pissed because he can hear him screaming at me over the phone all the way across the room and that I’m talking to him in a normal tone of voice telling him to calm down and he doesn’t need to act like this. Jer says, “This is ridiculous, you’re trying to talk to him about taxes and he’s accusing you of  creating drama and you’re standing here, right in front of me, doing nothing”.  I call back. He’s yelling that he’s not gonna deal with unnecessary drama. I tell him I didn’t do anything or say anything to him, I’m just trying to finish our taxes, he’s the one who keeps hanging up and screaming and he says…”See you create drama so much you can’t even recognize it.” I start laughing, he hangs up on me again. I call back and say, “This is my last phone call to you, I just want to know how you want to go about dealing with these city taxes, because I need your W2s, you need to sign them and we owe the city money.”

Get this?

He actually has the audacity to say. “Fuck you. You fuckin pay it! I don’t fucking live there anymore! It’s not my fuckin problem.

Come on! He lived here all of last year. Our federal taxes and state taxes he was in such a hurry to do TOGETHER, to cover his ass and get some money back, and now he’s doing this?

Well, from that perspective providing transportation and spending an hour of my time twice a week for HIS visitations is not my fuckin responsibility, I don’t live in fuckin North Royalton! It’s not my fuckin problem. Ya know?  You try to be fair. You try to be nice and help a guy have a relationship with his kids.

Well, fuck being fair and fuck being nice. If I had filed my taxes as single, like I was supposed to, he would’ve owed the government $6,000 in underpaid taxes. I thought that was messed up so we filed jointly and split the refund. Supposedly to pay off debt, like our attorney fees from our divorce. Which I paid and he didn’t. He was an asshole about the whole thing, he would call and scream at me to file them, before I had the paperowrk I needed to do it and when I would tell him that he would accuse me of trying to have something to hold over his head and creating drama. This is how I get treated when I was doing HIM a favor?  Because I did that, I created a big problem with my financial aid for college, I lost my Pell grant and now this with the city taxes and having to pay it on my own???

And when he told me his work schedule was making it hard for him to drive out here to pick up and drop off the kids, I offered to drive them one way. It’s not my responsibility. I’m not the one who moved 40 mins away. But I did it for the kids, to  try to keep the consistency of their visits. But why? He’s not taking care of them and he doesn’t appreciate it.

He’s an ungrateful, selfish asshole! So Fuck HIM!


I’m so over all of this. I’m done. I just want to move on with my life. I’m done dealing with him, all his bipolar horseshit and his assbackwards way of thinking. If he wants to make me out to be this horrible bitch, I could oblage, but truthfully…I’m scared of him. There is something wrong with him. He’s not stable. The things he does, don’t make sense and I’ve spent way too many years trying to m ake it better and trying to fix things for him. It’s not worth the effort for me to be a bitch and I don’t need to fuel his flame. So, instead, I’m just promising myself…to only do what I am required to do and nothing more. It doesn’t benefit anyone. I know this.

at wit’s end

my kids right now … oh My GOD

i am sure that they are having some sort of reaction to everything that’s been going on between the grown-ups, but it has been relatively calm this week. we’ve hardly spoke to each other. the only argument we did have happened wednesday night while they were at church with my dad, so it’s a little hard for me to understand how their little noggins are processing right now. they surely want not for attention from me, so why have they have been so difficult and bratty this week? they are fighting and screaming with each other all the time. whining. not listening to simple instructions. i wonder if it’s me and i’m just uber stressed and not able to deal with the minor….but the frequency of problems with them just seems to have skyrocketed.

patience is not a great virtue of mine.

i’m pretty sure this is why the lady at the bank now thinks i’m crazy as well. you see, i opened my own checking account, for obvious reasons. well, the kind lady who opened my account failed to tell me that i would have a five day hold placed on any checks i deposited. so despite the fact that i actually have nearly $1,ooo.oo in my account, they rejected checks for my credit card payments, charged me insufficient fund fees and now my credit card companies are charging me NSF fees as well. i went to the bank this morning and pretty much told lady that she needed to get it taken care of, because i was in the middle of a divorce, have three kids that are going through a divorce, i’m emotionally drained and really don’t need any extra added stress over stupid fees they are charging me when the money is in the account. i just about pulled my hair out in front of her. seriously, i could use some xanex or something. the stress level is just unreal.

note to self: breathe…..just breathe.

he didn’t get served monday. turns out my attorney didn’t get the papers filed until wednesday which quite possibly means he’ll be served today.

i really wish he would just move out. him being around just irritates me. anytime i say anything to him, he talks to me like a piece of shit. not like that’s anything new, but now i just don’t care to deal with it anymore. at a certain point you just get tired of being treated like shit. maybe if i explain to him that child/spousal support is retroactive from the date of filing and it might be in his best interest to leave and start paying so he’s not in arrears, he’ll go?

nah, wishful thinking. i’m convinced he lives to make me miserable.

this was a terribly negative post. all apologies. just needed a place to rant.