The state of Ohio voted FOR medicinal marijuana in 2016. Doctors have finally been trained, registered and operating. Today was my appointment day.
I’m writing this post for educational purposes and curiosity.
I honestly don’t know how much more I can take. How many more knots I can tie in this rapidly fraying rope.
I am in so much pain. I feel like my head is going to split open, my eyes will burst. Ive had so much medication to alleviate it that Im super sick. And nervous. I don’t know why anybody would have a pill addiction.
Seriously, how long can one be in so much pain?
How much can I take?
Healthy People: I hate my body!
Spoonies: My body hates me!
Healthy People: I hate my job!
Spoonies: I wish I could work!
Healthy People: I stayed out too late; I’m so tired today!
Spoonies: I washed my hair today; I’m too exhausted to do anything else!
Healthy People: Why are you depressed?
Spoonies: There’s no “trigger” for depression; it’s not just sadness. Depression happens because the chemicals in my head are screwy!
Healthy People: Why don’t you ever want to do anything?
Spoonies: You have no idea how much I WANT to do stuff, I just CAN’T sometimes.
Healthy People: I wish I could stay in bed all day!
Spoonies: I wish I could get out of bed today!
Healthy People: Want to go see that new movie at the theater?
Spoonies: *thought process* well, there are 4 stairs to leave the house, 28 steps to the car, the car ride will probably aggravate my headache, more steps and more stairs once we get to the theater, two hours in an uncomfortable chair and $15 to watch a movie I’m probably not going to remember, anxiety from being around so many people, car ride home, getting back into the house…and I have maybe 2 spoons left today. How important is this person to me? Can I push through? Will (s)he mind if we just stay in and catch an older movie on TV?
Healthy People: If you were more active/ate better/lost weight/etc., maybe you would feel better
Spoonies: I’m doing everything within my power to feel better. Sometimes being active is impossible, what I eat is dependent upon what my body can digest, and weight loss is difficult when the first two are beyond my control.
Healthy People: I just read that this new diet/supplement/medication/alternative therapy/yoga pose/etc. can help people with your condition.
Spoonies: If there is something that has shown promise in my medical community, there are people who have tried it. I have likely tried it. I know you just want to help me feel better but you’re making it seem as though there’s some “magic cure” out there and I’m just not trying hard enough.
Healthy People: What doesn’t kill you makes you stronger/God won’t give you more than you can handle/Positive thinking/the power of prayer/any other cliche saying
Spoonies: Sometimes, what doesn’t kill you makes you beg for death. Also, please don’t quote scripture or talk to me about God and prayer if you aren’t familiar with my religious beliefs. Not only might that be offensive to me but, also, this has seemed like more than I can handle for way too long.
Healthy People: Check out the new bag I bought!
Spoonies: *thought process* would all my meds fit in that?
Healthy People: How does my butt look in these jeans?
Spoonies: Oh, crap! Did I put on shoes today?
Healthy People: Doctor, what’s wrong with me?
Spoonies: When we left last time, we were talking about this symptom I’ve been having. I did some research, I think it might be…… (and they’re usually right!)