Body Acceptance

Via elephant journal

I’ve recently written a few body acceptance articles which highlight the need to celebrate our own unique bodies and to send out a strong clear message that our bodies are none of anybody else’s business.

The reason I write these articles, and the reason that I will continue to write them, is because so many people in the world still think that it is OK to speak out and critically judge another person’s body, seemingly regardless of the affect that those comments may have on them or maybe they just couldn’t care less.

Another thing that people seem to mistake is that the most important type of health is the health of the mind. By judging a person’s body from the outside, it is entirely impossible to judge what exactly is going on on the inside. People of all shapes and sizes can have healthy or unhealthy bodies. People of all shapes and sizes can have healthy or unhealthy minds.
What people, who lash out negative comments, often fail to realise is that their comments say far more about themselves than they do about the person they are talking about. They also don’t realise the harmful influence that these type of comments can have on other people and the crippling effect of vicious words on a person’s self-esteem.

It is far easier said than done to just ignore comments, walk on by, hold the head high and carry on as though nothing has been said. The harsh reality is that, for most of us, for every 100 positive comments we receive, it is the one negative comment that will resound loudly in our heads.

Of course, we can say “F*ck it” and walk on by but when those comments repeat again and again and are coming from all angles, it is not always possible to keep darting the arrows and remove the ones that hit hard from our backs.

It really is time that the world focused less on what other people are doing with their health and their bodies, and focus on themselves—the one person that matters. Sitting behind a keyboard lashing out viscously does not achieve anything other than projecting hate from one person to another, to another and the cycle continues. The cycle ends with the person who reaches a stage where they feel they can’t take it any more and they slowly lose confidence—with that, their ability to see themselves as beautiful, fades. It takes a very strong person to fight back constantly.

Bullying happens every time someone chooses to target another person in a way that is intended to hurt, shame, belittle, judge and ultimately can become highly detrimental to their well-being.

Tess Holliday describes herself as a body activist and regularly speaks out about the impact of the cruel bullying she endured throughout her childhood years and how it caused her to eventually drop out of school. What Tess did not expect, was that the bullying would not end with adolescence.
So far she has graced front covers of Vogue and SLiNK magazines and she has also been named by Vogue Italia as one of the 6 top plus size models in the world.
In an interview with SLiNK magazine Tess explains:

“When I was little I’ve always been very open with my body. You don’t realise there’s an issue with your body until someone tells you there is, until someone tells you you’re fat.”

Tess is regularly receives nasty comments from social media users who target her directly with negative comments about her looks and her weight. She wrote on her Facebook page that she works out with a trainer between three and five times per week, alongside swimming, walking and hiking, however she still receives hundreds of negative comments every day.
To empower other women Tess chooses to speak out about her experiences and to show them that, regardless of other people’s comments, judgments and actions, it is still possible to achieve body confidence. Tess also started a body acceptance movement on Instagram in 2013 with the hashtag #effyourbeautystandards.

“I hope this makes you realize that it’s okay to be yourself, even if you happen to exist in a fat body. I’m sexy, confident and give no f*cks. Also, f*ck anyone for saying otherwise.” ~ Tess Holliday wrote in a post on Instagram, next to an image of herself dressed only in black underwear.

Today Tess took to Facebook to show her gratitude for all the support she has received:

“I couldn’t sleep so I was scrolling though IG, FB & Twitter & couldn’t help but feel so much gratitude for how supportive you all are. Not just of me, but Effyourbeautystandards too! I wish I could hug you all & thank you for changing my life—for allowing me to live my dream. Social media is how I met my fiancé, became a model, provide for my son, realized my worth and made friends all around the world. Sometimes I don’t feel like I deserve all of this but I know that’s the wounded girl I used to be telling me that. How I wish that hurt 12 year old could have known who I would have become… That she was going to be loved by many but most importantly she would learn to love herself. It’s not easy being in the spotlight, especially the past 6 months. But with your words & encouragement, I’ve made it through stronger. Yes, you! It’s not much, but thank you. Thank you for loving me.”

In my opinion, beauty is not what is seen on the outside. The essence of beauty is far more than that—it is deep within the soul and it seeps out and is seen in our expression.

marry a man who knows that you’re REAL

Via: elephant journal 

Perhaps you are magical.Perhaps you already know it. I’m not sure about that, but I do know that you are also real.

Marry a man who knows you are both.

A man who can navigate the wild tangle of your mind, past the castles it builds and around the mythical creatures it conceives, to pursue the truth beneath your story. 

A man who can kiss you both tenderly and fiercely. Whose hands you can trust to know your each freckle and fold and to hold you as you shudder with ecstasy or with grief. A man who can magic away all hurts for your children with those same lips, and teach the ultimate art of fort-building with those same hands.

A man who anchors you.

Such a man can look into your eyes and know your quiet power but patiently wipe away your loud, impetuous tears of frustration at things that don’t matter. Even when he knows you know better, are better. 

Marry a man who adores your flesh and bones, who sees your heart, but doesn’t shy away from your ugliness, your realness. He isn’t bothered by your morning breath and (in emergencies only) lets you poop while he’s in the shower. He holds your hair back when you’ve had too many mojitos on your first night out together in years. He paints your toenails (messily) and trims your bush (delicately) when you’re so pregnant that you can no longer reach or see either. Just to help you feel sexy again. He is right there with you, holding your hand and giving you lollipops and sips of water through the birth of both your babies (even when you growl at him). 

A man who rides the waves of your volatile emotions like an expert seaman through oceans of confusion, pain and self-pity. And he knows just how to steer you calmly back towards the shore of reason and balance. Every time.

A man who always sees your strength and beauty, even when you can’t. But he will call you on your bullshit too, even when you fool everyone else. 

A man who knows that you can be marvellous and mundane at the same time and without conflict, because he understands the magic of the ordinary. He is the same.

A man who reads, questions, fantasizes and philosophizes but also has X-box binges, leaves his underwear on the bathroom floor and loves a good dirty joke. He is no less magical because of these things. 

A man who will debate (and sometimes argue) with you way past midnight. You’ll talk about colonialism and education in Africa, whether there is a God and how to raise your rowdy 4-year-old son to be a good man. 

Marry a man who will walk through life by your side. Through mistakes and heartbreak. Through charmed times and hard times, from holidays on the Italian coast to eggs on toast for dinner for the third time this week because things are tight. Through births and death, from deepest loss to greatest triumph and on all the ordinary days in between.

A man who will be your son’s hero: a man who ‘knows everything about the world’, according to him. A man who will encourage him to be curious, to find out how things work and how to improve them. He will change dirty nappies without flinching, make up nonsense lullabies and stay up late rocking a fussing baby so that you can get some sleep, even though he has go to work tomorrow.

A man who loves you for all that you are and despite all that you are. He is by your side not because of some vows he made or a spell you cast over him or because you are his fairy princess but because you are home. 

What you have will be sometimes messy, sometimes difficult, sometimes complicated, not always magical but always, always real.

I spoke too soon

Drama still exists, as I became painfully aware of today.

I’ve spent most of my day crying, or feeling like I was on the verge of tears. I’d like to be able to excuse it away with my “monthly visitor” approaching, but the fact of the matter is, it’s all really fresh and he can, and does, still hurt me.  and damn, I’m sick of being caught up in it.

In the last two days EX has approached me twice about things people have said I said or did. He said / she said horseshit. The things he relays are beyond absurd, they are bold faced lies. He asks why it hurts me so much if I know they’re lies. But the TRUTH, the truth is that it hurts because

#1- he would CHOOSE to believe them

But actually after already talking to one of them and having them tell me they never said that what’s really bothering me is that…

#2- I’m beginning to get the picture that he’s made all of it up. I don’t think these people said shit to him, which makes the whole thing more perplexing. I mean, wtf? WHY would he do that? Why would he or anybody else take the time to conjure up such things and create unnecessary drama just for what… fun?

I know I am not important enough of a person for people to sit around and make shit up about me, shit, I’m unimportant to him. He doesn’t give a shit about me, he proves that more and more everyday.

Which leads me to believe… it’s about him. People will believe what they want to believe, or need to believe, no matter what the cost. Kinda like those crazy people and their HaleBop cult who all killed themselevs when the comet passed so they could go on a spaceship. Uh-yeh. I just don’t get how people consciencely sell lies to themselves, just to make them feel better. It’s the coward’s way out. And nothing changes this way, which makes it even worse.

I just don’t deal well with lies at all. I want there to be truth and justice and fairness. And the sad fact of the matter is…. it doesn’t always happen. Sometimes life, people, circumstances, just down right suck and aren’t fair at all.

Why do I even bother?

I need to progress instead of regress.

I’m done boohooing about this crap. As much as I deal with because I want things to be cordial and I want to keep the lines of communication open, it’s just not worth it.  I’ve developed way too much love of myself to let someone disrespect me this way. If it were anybody else, I wouldn’t take it. I think the only way to cut this shit out of my life, is to cut it off at the source.

Hey, sometimes a girl’s gotta do what a girl’s gotta do.

Quote of the day: Never explain; You’re friends don’t need the explaination and your enemies will never believe you anyways.

p.s. Mr. Michael…. I can’t go to your page without it crashing my computer. I keep trying but I think there is a bad script on it or something. I miss reading your posts terribly. Shoot me an e-mail. You should have it.


My best friend, Bevis, kidnapped me and took me out last night and ugh, not the going out, that’s always a blast, especially w/ her (love her), it’s the dreaded, God awful HANGOVER!!! The kind you can only get when it’s your birthday and everybody wants to buy you a drink. Double ugh…

All I want to do is lie in bed but, the kids are up. Where is hubby? Hubby is hungover worse than I am, so he’s still in bed. Granted I did brush off quite a few of the drinks bought for me, towards him.

Sometimes I just don’t know about him.

Things between us have been going really well, especially with the new job and everything. In my drunken, vulnerable state last night I confessed my BIG wish. Another baby. A baby girl. I already know her. I can see her in my dreams. Her, us and her two big brothers. A family. A simple life. Til death do us part. Suddenly he’s convinced that we’re ready to have another baby. We weren’t married when our son was conceived, and even though he begged me to marry him and have a baby, he did not help the pregnant lady out very much. In fact, well, it wasn’t good.

I’d love to have another baby. I REALLY would. My son is the greatest thing that ever happened to me no matter what I went through. Yes, yes, yes – I want to have a baby. My little girl, dare I dream, but I just would like to know that our marriage will retain some qualities of normalcy. Consistency. My husband can be a GREAT guy but he has major issues with alcohol. And while I know that has nothing to do with me, he can make it about me in a heartbeat.

I wish I could see into the future, through the crystal ball and know that we will be fine, that everything will be OK. Perhaps though, the closest thing I have to the crystal ball is looking at our past. The past always seems to rear its ugly head …

Dare to live the dream or proceed with caution? That is the question.

Bubble busted

There’s this guy in my past (who doesn’t have one???). I mentioned this before. It was in large part why I started this whole blog thing to begin with. He is someone who will always have THAT piece of me. And if I could take it back, I guess I wouldn’t. I seriously thought I would marry this guy, sometimes I STILL think about “could’ve, would’ve, should’ve”. Probably too much. You know, girl brain crap.

I still run into him online, but he made this comment to me today, insinuating that he signed on and then got off because I wasn’t on. And it made me feel special, like he was actually looking for me, he cared, he missed me. He told me he misses me, and that he thinks about me and it felt good.

How hard pressed am I for attention, affection and adoration?

And then … I got my bubble busted. Why? I don’t know. How can you have you’re bubble busted when there is no bubble? Now I just feel like an ant in a colony instead of the queen.

I guess as my best friend says, you always have a special place in your heart for your first love. He WAS my territory at one time.

Make of it what you will.

Welcome to LiveJournal

Where do I even begin?

I am on a new journey of self-discovery. I am trying to reach a higher level of spiritually. As in, reconnection with the soul that lies within me and makes me, well, ME.
I guess that’s a lot to ask of myself, however at this crossroads in my life, I just have a lot of figuring out to do.

My husband and I have had problems since we met, I was and still am young, more naive than Id like to admit but lately I find that things are calm in appearance but under the surface it’s a mess. Like a volcano, ready to erupt. I also admit that Im still hanging onto the past. There someone who tied a knot in me that I can’t undo. Even after marriage, even after having my baby boy and I’m just not sure what to do with that. Girl brain thinks it must mean something. Maybe it’s meant to be. I think it’s crazy and at the very least, something to think back on in fondness when Im feeling low. It is more than that. I just don’t know what. I keep on moving forward though. Nothing like regret to make you feel alive. I’m trying to keep my head up while hoping and praying for the best … whatever that may be.

This entry will be quite boring because I spent sooooo much time trying to figure it out and get it up and running and importing what I already had from another site that I am now pooped out and ready to go to bed.

So, off I go, and hopefully into a sweet dreamy alter-reality!