Child Support

In an attempt to try and get the ball rolling on the child support modification, I had the attorney I work for sit down with me and go through a new child support worksheet. If you know nothing about this, basically child support is determined by a state statute or law. The law provides that both parents should be responsible for providing financial support of their children, but it looks at both parent’s income decides what the amount of support is an then divides it by a number of other factors, who is the residential parent, who makes more money, who is paying alimony, taxes, etc. I gave her the numbers to plug into the formula and come up with the calculations.

Keep in mind I am only asking for support from his  NET INCOME, I am not asking for anything out of his overtime, or his side work, and I could.  I provided all  my income from my self-employment.

I printed out the worksheet and I give it to EX last week. He waits til Saturday to look at it. He calls me and tells me he doesn’t agree with the numbers and that he thinks it should be a lesser amount. He says that MY INCOME should be based on me working full-time at minimum wage, because Child Support and the court can 1) decrease support because they feel a mother can work more, or 2) force the mother by court order to get a different job, IF they feel the mother is unemployed or underemployed without reason.

I am a single mother to three children. One who is cognitively disabled, another who is only in half-day Kindergarten, and a preschooler. I am also self-employed part-time (about 10-12 hours a week) and I am a full-time college student. I AM NOT underemployed. In many other cases with similar situations, the judges ruled that a mother of preschooled aged children could not be forced to work full-time because the cost of daycare alone would supersede any additional income. I try explaining this to him and also explaining that if I do have to get a full time job that not only we he be forced to pay child support but also 1/2 of the childcare costs. Not to mention, of course, that if I go to work right now, it’s another big adaptation for the kids and dammit I think they’ve been through enough recently. Of course, all he says is that I’m just trying to get what I THINK I should in child support, not what I am actually owed. This also pisses me off because BELIEVE ME, I think he owes me a lot more than Child Support could ever could develop a figure for.

Jer overhears me on the phone crying, because EX is doing what he usually does which is basically accusing me of every under-sided, shady thing under the sun and then when I get upset he acts like I am psychotic and says things like, “You need to calm down, I don’t need to listen to this shit anymore, because we’re divorced” which is all for the benefit of his girlfriend. Well, Jer gets pissed because he knows that not only am I being fair, but I’ve had to push down all my pride to appease him for the last few months to ensure that I get a child support check from him every week, until the stupid Child Support Agency starts taking it out of his check automatically. Jer says, “You know what, Stephanie. Fuck him! He doesn’t believe a god damn word you say, you’re trying to give him a break and be fair and all he does is accuse you of lying and being difficult. Tell him that instead of doing that, you’ll just go back and add in all the other income he has and then you’ll go back and take out all the the expenses you can write off of your self employment and you’ll just ask the court to do with out his agreement and he can get an attorney and just fuck off.”

This in turn pisses EX off, but not at Jer … at me. He starts telling me how I’m crying to put on a show for Jer and make him feel sorry for me, to be the victim. I do what I always do and try explaining to him that no, I’m crying because I get tired of trying to do the right things and it constantly creating a big headache for me. That this is about finances and him supporting his kids and then to have him be such a hard headed ass about it, makes it even more emotional and stressful and I’m tense, and I’m crying cause it’s a release.

I don’t know why I bother.

Since then he agreed that he would sign the papers to be filed with the court and would cut me a check today when he dropped the kids off for the new amount. Then he leaves me a message saying he got his paycheck and realized that he was only gonna have about half his check from now on if he agreed to it, and he can’t make his new Jeep payment if he does that so, he doesn’t know if he can give me the money, then when I tried to call him back and get an answer out of him one way or the other.

Do you see what it is like?

In the meantime, I have bills due that I am counting on this money to be able to pay. I told them I would pay it Tuesday because my he was supposed to give me a check Friday. And it’s a never-fucking ending circle of stress and bullshit.

I loathe him.

edit: On his way to drop the kids off he calls me and tells me he’s bringing me cash but he wants a receipt. I ask him if he’s going to be able to talk and he says “No, I’m not alone”. (snort) It never ends but, he gave me the money and I gave him a receipt and he says he will sign the child support modification papers, have them notarized and return them to me Tuesday, so I can file them when I go downtown to the courthouse Wednesday for work.

Wonder what changed his mind so fast?

I’ll believe it when I see it.

at wit’s end

my kids right now … oh My GOD

i am sure that they are having some sort of reaction to everything that’s been going on between the grown-ups, but it has been relatively calm this week. we’ve hardly spoke to each other. the only argument we did have happened wednesday night while they were at church with my dad, so it’s a little hard for me to understand how their little noggins are processing right now. they surely want not for attention from me, so why have they have been so difficult and bratty this week? they are fighting and screaming with each other all the time. whining. not listening to simple instructions. i wonder if it’s me and i’m just uber stressed and not able to deal with the minor….but the frequency of problems with them just seems to have skyrocketed.

patience is not a great virtue of mine.

i’m pretty sure this is why the lady at the bank now thinks i’m crazy as well. you see, i opened my own checking account, for obvious reasons. well, the kind lady who opened my account failed to tell me that i would have a five day hold placed on any checks i deposited. so despite the fact that i actually have nearly $1,ooo.oo in my account, they rejected checks for my credit card payments, charged me insufficient fund fees and now my credit card companies are charging me NSF fees as well. i went to the bank this morning and pretty much told lady that she needed to get it taken care of, because i was in the middle of a divorce, have three kids that are going through a divorce, i’m emotionally drained and really don’t need any extra added stress over stupid fees they are charging me when the money is in the account. i just about pulled my hair out in front of her. seriously, i could use some xanex or something. the stress level is just unreal.

note to self: breathe…..just breathe.

he didn’t get served monday. turns out my attorney didn’t get the papers filed until wednesday which quite possibly means he’ll be served today.

i really wish he would just move out. him being around just irritates me. anytime i say anything to him, he talks to me like a piece of shit. not like that’s anything new, but now i just don’t care to deal with it anymore. at a certain point you just get tired of being treated like shit. maybe if i explain to him that child/spousal support is retroactive from the date of filing and it might be in his best interest to leave and start paying so he’s not in arrears, he’ll go?

nah, wishful thinking. i’m convinced he lives to make me miserable.

this was a terribly negative post. all apologies. just needed a place to rant.

this is gonna get ugly 10/5/06

i tried to talk to him about the separation agreement, turns out we couldn’t do much agreeing. actually, i take that back…he was pretty agitated when i told him how much child and spousal support would amount to. that was his big concern. not his family falling apart, but child support. he said: “so basically i’ll give you a paycheck for nothing“. yeh, he’s sweet. then, i started telling him that while i would like to have shared parenting and for the kids to have more time with him than the standard ordered visitation, i was concerned about his drinking and wanted language added to the agreement where he would abstain from drinking during his visitations. this really set him off. he told me this was another way of me controlling him and just trying to get my way. that is was ridiculous. he laughed at me. told me that if i wanted to be nasty, we would get nasty.

blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah

eventually the words all run together. they’re mean, spiteful…they all sound the same.

i know i’m doing the right thing. i do. and it’s not divorce that i fear.

what i’m scared of is the kids only having him to depend on during visitation. don’t get me wrong, i don’t think he’s a bad father, but where alcohol is involved, he sense is gone and it scares me. if i’m honest that’s probably the reason i’ve stayed as long as i have. because i figured if i stayed i could protect them and if we went our separate ways i’d have to trust him……with my children……and i don’t. not where alcohol comes into play.


this is gonna get ugly. i just know it.