Not everyone is okay with living like an open wound. But the thing about open wounds is that, well, you aren’t ignoring it. You’re healing; the fresh air can get to it. It’s honest. You aren’t hiding who you are. You aren’t rotting. People can give you advice on how to heal without scarring badly. But on the other hand there are some people who’ll feel uncomfortable around you. Some will even point and laugh. But we all have wounds.
I am much more productive and happier.
It has crossed my mind like a compulsion to go check on my child.
Interesting … stay tuned.
I haven’t been around in the blogsphere lately. I keep trying to force myself to write something but the more I think about it, I just don’t want to. I don’t think it’s depression. It doesn’t feel like the kind of depression that I’m typically accustomed to dealing with but, then again, I seem to not recognize my depression as such until I’m past the point in which sitting down to write about it would be helpful. I guess maybe I’m not the best judge on the matter.
I’d like to think it’s more of a distracted state.
We had a hearing on our Motion to bring Pickle home last Tuesday. It was approved with flying colors. I spent the rest of the week running around trying to tie up loose ends and getting other needed pieces in place. He started back at the high school yesterday and is really happy about they way everything has turned out. I was probably more excited about school paperwork than I had ever been or will be. We even filled out his FAFSA for next year. That’s been the good distraction.
While I haven’t been dealing with Pickle stuff, I’ve mostly been laid up with this awful back pain. It has been all consuming, driven me to tears and the brink of madness and other than this brief little statement on the matter, I really don’t feel like diving into the cesspool of stuff surrounding it. I’m just thankful that my epidural spinal injection is tomorrow and that I can at least count on some sort of resolution where the pain goes buh-bye to follow. That’s the bad distraction.
What I’m trying to say is that I’ve either been too busy to write or just flat out not wanting to do much of anything when I don’t have to.
In response to Harsh Reality’s daily post challenge, I decided to snap some pictures of me running errands a round town today.
The first errand involved running back out to the dealership where we bought our “new to me” Ford F-150 yesterday, to pick up the extra key we were promised and drop off the proof of insurance coverage information. We have almost always had a truck or SUV in the family, but when I became unable to work or drive, we became a one car family and switched to a Subaru Outback with AWD to save some money on gas. Now, that I’m going to be driving again… well, we needed another vehicle and a truck has returned to the driveway and all is right in the world. Or something like that. Actually was the best car buying experience I’ve had.Next errand involved running to five below to grab some garb for a Punk Irish party we’re attending next Friday at our friend’s place. I dig a themed party. I’ll try to remember to grab a shot of us all dressed up for it next week.
This is Hubster driving the new truck. I also took this picture because the kids’ favorite playground, SKIP Park, is in the background. I’m so thankful that we live in a town that prioritizes parks and recreation. We have a lot at our disposal, like a 27 mile hike & bike trail that circles our hometown and as soon as the weather breaks you better believe I’ll be strapping on sneakers or hopping on my bike to make good use of it. The sky just before sunset this evening was really breathtaking to me. I love the way the clouds were spaced out and most of all I love that the trees have started to bud their new leaves. C’mon Spring. I like the look and feel of snow, but this winter has been particularly brutal and I’m 534% over it. Please, enjoy the added viewing pleasure of my dogs’ shit in the below photo. No extra charge. Since I was busy with errands and napping today, we grabbed Dairy Queen for dinner, but we always sit down at the table together to eat. It’s a very important part of my day.
After dinner, I spent a good hour getting the kids spruced up to attend their first live theater experience of Shakespeare’s ‘Hamlet’ at Weathervane Playhouse with my parents.
My littlest furbaby, PNut, always gets really nervous when we start to get ready to go anywhere because he hates his crate. However, the little son of a bitch pisses in the house if he is not in the crate so really, he leaves me with no choice. One of my errands for the day was to get a frame for my newest piece of art. If you’re looking to spruce up your own walls with a piece of Urban Wall Art please check out Ray Ferrer’s official shop, he’s currently running a 50% off sale as he is trying to raise money for his treatment for a recently diagnosed brain tumor. He’s got some great stuff. I found Ray through his wordpress and am truly inspired by it. All of his pieces are very moving. Hubster hung it for me tonight. The Jedi cleans up very well. A very handsome young man, if I do say so myself. I may be slightly biased … just a tad.
After the kids left, I started working on putting some of favorite pictures of them as wee lil ones into frames that I plan to put on each side on Ray’s piece.
Then I started working on a little wreath project for my sister’s wedding/elopement. She’s getting married on St Patrick’s Day to a really great guy who Im more than happy to welcome into the family.
When Im done, I hope for it to resemble this wreath that I found on Pintrest. Unfortunately, it was linked to any instructions so Im crafting by the seat of my pants.
And now, Im off to blow off some steam by killing zombies in ‘Dead Island: Epedemic’.
– I finally finished reading ‘Daring Greatly by Brene Brown today. The book should be required reading in the class of “LIFE”. Its been life altering for me. I highly recommend it. For everyone. You should also check out Brene’s TED Talk videos. Absolutely amaze balls stuff can come of this.
– I spent my evening in the ER at Metropolitan Veterinary Hospital. Apparently my littlest, but oldest furbaby, PNut, like PDiddy but smaller and way weirder, because he thinks he’s a big dog but also a cat, simultaneously, ingested something square shaped. $250 later, we are taking him home to watch for vomiting and bloody stool. We live large! Saturday night’s are lively around here!
– I am nearly finish with importing and editing my posts from across the interwebs to their final destination here in Stephieopolis. I gave myself until the end of February to complete this task and the closer I get the more I find myself procrastinating. It’s not just this. I seem to like to see how close to the edge of things I can get without plummeting to failure. Except I dont enjoy it but continue to do it so then it begs the question: Why? I have no fucking clue. Maybe it’s a part of my mental illness. Maybe I find it somewhat exhilarating to push myself. Honestly, I dont know. Am I the only one who does this?
– My stomach is still causing a raucous. As I type this Im forcing myself to drink a milkshake. A milkshake may not seem like something that would truly need to be forced, however, when everything you ingest causes pain, it’s tough. I guess you could think of it like sex without lubrication. Sex is great but if it’s going to leave you uncomfortably raw, you might feel differently about it. Just sayin. Now, lets take some drugs!
– I am 463% done with winter. Old man winter has been a merciless, mean bastard. He must be stopped!
I am so excited to tell you guys that my favorite, online journal has decided to publish one of my pieces and I’m super stoked ya’ll:
Thank you for your submission to elephant journal!
It’s official: your words have somehow inspired our hearts and we’re accepting your piece for publication.
We are swamped and working our trunks off, and so we ask for your patience as we process your submission.
We’ve placed it in our queue of articles for publication; currently, our turn around is approximately one week. The next you’ll hear from us is when your article goes live.
We’ll send you an email with a link, along with suggestions on how to spread the reach of your words far and wide.
Do you have a personal photo (that you took or own) to accompany your piece? Send it in! (The feature image for an elephant article should be high quality, 500 x 500 pixels, personal and stylish.) This is optional, as we can choose just the right image for you if you’d like, but we always love to see original personal photos in our pieces, too!
*Timely: Do we have your bio photo? If not please send a (200 x 200 jpeg) headshot. Do you have a bio? If not, please send a short, personal write up about who you are and what makes you tick. Write in third person, please!* Try to get these in right away so we can get this up by Saturday.
By submitting you give us use rights in perpetuity.You can use with credit and a hyperlink, if you ask permission, in any publication that you own or control. We generally will not give permission or reprint articles we’ve edited, hosted, shared in other publications, unless they’re in other mediums. Once we have published your piece, we will not remove it from elephantjournal.com under (almost) any condition.
Thanks again for sharing your work with us. We hope to see more from you in the future!
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I hereby proclaim my acceptance of The Very Inspiring Blogger Award. It sorta makes me feel like an ass to proclaim such a thing, however, to be seen as an inspiration to anyone really is an honor in my mind. Especially someone else who dares greatly in the blogging arena. So thank you to Ann, of GrubbsnCritters for bestowing this honor. You have encouraged me to keep going numerous times in our short aquaintance. That means a lot to me. Anything to that end is acceptable. ONWARD!
As with awards, The “VERY INSPIRING BLOGGER AWARD” comes with rules:
- Display the award on your blog.
- Link back to the person who nominated you.
- State 7 things about yourself.
- Nominate 15 bloggers, link to them, and notify them about their nominations.
Seven, maybe not so interesting but still worth mentioning, things about myself:
1. I am a supporter of marijuana legalization even though I am not a user. This is worth noting in my book because I think many people are under-educated on the subject. Before you develop a staunch stance on any topic, please know what you’re talking about. Here’s what I want you to know about legalization: a.)Marijuana does not fit the regulations for scheduling a drug as illegal. b.) Marijuana has medical benefits, especially for those of use that have chronic illnesses and pain; and c.) Accidental drug overdose from prescription drugs is fast climbing the chart of top killers around the world. I don’t know about you, but I’d rather ingest a natural, well regulated plant than a chemically derived, big pharm, engineered pill any day of the week.
2. I always wanted to have 3 children, two boys and one girl, in that order and I did, despite a miscarriage and only giving birth twice.
3. I used to be registered as a Republican. (gasp!) – lol
4. I have 4 tattoos
5. I currently have teal hair color.
6. I have been diagnosed with two incurable diseases.
7. Gustav Klimt’s “The Kiss” is hanging on my bedroom wall.
The people I am going to nominate are those who have inspired me personally. To those receiving my nomination, please do not feel obligated to accept or post. Just know that I think you’re special and wanted other people to take notice and be inspired by you :
1. The Bloggess – thank you for inspiring me to keep it real.
2. Kindness Blog – thank you for inspiring kindness.
3. Out of Great Need – thank you for keeping mindful and hopeful in thriving with mental illness.
4. After Midnight: A Christian Bipolar – thank you for leaving the light on.
5. Silverliningmama – thank you for inspiring my courage muscle.
6. ReinventionDiary – thank you for inspiring my shoulder angel
7.TheCompassionateGardener – thank you for inspiring my self-compassion
8. UncommonGraces – thank you inspiring me to embrace being a bossy gal.
9. MeganBuggsJourney – thank you for inspiring my inner little girl to fight
10. Ray Ferrer – thank you for inspiring what’s left of my sight and my home.
11. Dances With Fat – thank you for inspiring me to dance like nobody’s watching and to not care if they are.
12. Playfully Refined – thank you for inspiring me to doodle again.
13. 90Days to Spiritual Enlightenment – that you for inspiring me to shine one.
14. blahpolar – thank you inspiring me to laugh in the face of bipolar.
15. European Travel Adventures – thank you for further inspiring my wanderlust.
When my daughter goes to bed and the house falls silent, my passion quickly becomes replaced with reality and my thoughts begin racing.
“Evade, avoid, and repeat” is my motto. After 2 a.m., it becomes more of an anthem.
It works, too.
Tonight, for example, I didn’t notice that my open letter to my friends and my family wasn’t read or liked on even one of six social networks. At least, not by any of my family members.
I didn’t notice that out of 338 Facebook friends, only a handful read my letter or liked it.
In fact, It almost slipped right by me that out of my last 20 posts, only three family members interacted and the exact same 25 people. But I didn’t notice at all.
It’s just Facebook.
Just like I didn’t notice when child abuse, domestic abuse and violence, started trending and not many shared my message then, either. Some wrote to tell…
View original post 943 more words
Since I need some distraction at this point, I’ve decided to attempt all the merging of my blog posts from my various sites online here. Im not sure how these posts are going to show up if you are a subscriber. They seem to show up in the reader when I switch them from private to public. If I overrun your reader, all apologies. It is a necessary evil , but will conclude ASAP.
If you happen to know how to get around this little nuisance, please advise.
Off I go…with a little help
One of my New Year’s resolutions is to start blogging again.
I had kept a blog on Xanga for a number of years (remember that?). A great portion of joys and trials are forever there. However, most of these are now hidden, available to only a few select subscribers or just altogether private. I resent that mostly because it was a forced censorship that resulted from my divorce.
That’s a different story for a different day…when say we’ve finished cutting each grass blade on my acre, by hand, with child safe scissors.
In truth, I also find the Xanga interface boring now, but not writing somewhere left a great void for heavy sarcasm. I couldn’t resist.
Maybe I can import …
And here we are again. Blogging. Getting those thoughts which clog up my noggin out into the vast world wide web. Perhaps there is a more suitable place for them.
I could talk about it?
This tends to lead to people not understanding my dark humor which is then followed by judgmental looks. This way I still risk that chance of something being lost in translation, but I don’t have to see that judgmental thing. Yuck.
And there you have it.
A step in the right direction. Or at the very least…a step.