Letters I meant to send

Dear Humans,
Every species gets down same sex, but you are the only ones being manipulated to believe you are entitled to a higher class of human,as if there could possibly be such a thing, because of it, yet you’re supposed to be the most intelligent species.
Stop it. You’re better than that. Rise up to your full potential and then make the only other human you look down upon the human you’re giving a hand up.
With NOTHING BUT LOVE FOR YA,
Stephanie

Triggered 

It started with Donald Trump. 

His words. His tone. His mindset. 

It reminded me of never telling anyone about what I experienced. 

Just looking at that sentence, the way the words are hanging in the air of an otherwise blank page seemingly uncapable of bearing such a worldshattering weighted statement. 

He did. He raped me. 

More than that, it is because I remained silent that he would be able to rape another. 

When I hear Trump’s words, it all flooded back to me. 

Being grabbed by the pussy. Being told he owned it. Not that way he would a more prized status symbol. He just owned me. Like husband’s used to not even 100? years ago? That’s how primative this is. That was his mindset. Ive seen it up close and personal. There is no way to spin it. It’s so obviously ugly … or it should be. This is the only “should” I am certain of. 

The anxiety set in. The post traumatic stress. I couldnt sleep. I cut into my skin. I tried to snap out of it. I overcompensate for the inevitable low swing by trying to get as high as possible. 

Movement. Endorphines. Hormones. THC. Humor. 

I reach out to friends and who should reach back but one of my oldest, dearest friends. But she’s flailing and gasping for air. She is being confined to a small place by the love of her life. The father of her children. He loves her, but when the alcohol owns him, he owns her. He grabs her by the pussy mentally. A real mind fuck. 

And I remember. 

Once youve seen it for yourself up close and personal, there is no unseeing that. You become more atuned to where that frequency resides and how to avoid it, but it never goes away. It is very similar to a parallel universe. Just beneath the surface. 

Why are women still having exposure to such an experience?

Are we still so uncivilized? Are we still so primitive in consciousness that we are unable to morally conceive that one human sbould not be, even in the mindset, owning another human?

Conviction

It never fails that when I hear a sermon Sunday morning that convicts me spiritually, I am tested HARDCORE on the subject. is it just me?

Maybe I dont want the eyes of my heart opened!! 🙈


Sweet baby Jesus, can you please just let whoever I come in contact with be spiritually enlightened instantaneously with the same conviction? 🙌🏼

#gobeforeme #specificprayer

Stumbled Upon

Sweet friend, I don’t know where you are as you read these words. I don’t know the circumstances of your life. I don’t know the dream God has given you. Maybe you don’t either… yet.
But I do know you’re reading this post for a reason… to be reminded that God has a plan for you. A dream you can’t even imagine, an assignment you can’t figure out and wouldn’t even dare to consider as being for you.
I pray that you will find great hope in these words today that God really can use any woman who surrenders her inadequacies and circumstances to Him.

Rise Above 

The last few months have been emotionally charged for me on a humanitarian level. Ive struggled spiritually to find my way. 

The Supreme Court ruling on healthcare and same-sex marriage. The shooting in Charleston in a place of refuge. The Confederate flag debate. 

These things have drawn much attention to the adversarial charged nature of our society. It’s been disheartening to say the very least. 

I recently attended a church service at a church I had never been before. The pastor played a video of a group of random humans upon a beach. You could see different races, assume different socio-economical backgrounds. Their only commonality was that were all at this beach at the same time. As the tide rolled in, dolphins became beached. The people watched as maybe a dozen of them began to struggle to breathe, unable to swim away from their ill-fated predicament. In an instant, they all took action. They worked together, complete strangers, to help the animals  return to the ocean, to live. 

The pastor then pointed it out that it seems that when we remove our beliefs, whether religious, political, etc. that most of us know “the right thing to do”. It comes naturally. It rises up from the most genuine, beautiful and important part of us. We don’t consider our political party’s stance on the environment. We don’t wonder  what sins the creatures of the sea may be guilty of, what the Bible might say about it, if they are worthy of our compassion. 

And he’s right. 

In obsessing over who and what are right or wrong we have lost sight of what really matters …our purpose, to love one another. Maybe the answer is that we look at one another as wounded animals instead of humans. It seem preposterous. Surely our fellow humans should warrant more love and compassion. Our capacity to process deeper meaning and thoughts should increase our understanding, not hinder it. 

It’s time to evolve to higher intelligence and expand our capacity for love. 

It’s time to rise above this surface level  state of distraction and get to the heart of the matter. 

  

Im no longer a Christian 

I’ve just figured out my spiritual debacle. I am not a Christian. 

I am a disciple of Christ. 

Putting everything else aside, taking no cues from anyone around me and striving to get this one thing right:

“A new commandment I give you: Love one another. As I have loved you, so you must love one another. By this everyone will know that you are my disciples if you love one another.”

Open letter from my husband 

If you know my wife you know that she is very caring. The kind of friend a friend would want to have. She does everything she can for the people she loves even when she is struggling and thats one of the many reasons I married her. 

Im a simple man and usually have few words on social media but in the last 24 hours Ive watched my wounderful wife be truly broken up and I need to say something. 

My wife got pregnant before she was married. According to the Bible that’s a sin. Even though she did everything in her power to make her 1st marriage to a abusive alcoholic work she got divorced. Again the Bible says this is a sin. She married me -TECHNICALLY adultery in the Bible, another sin. A broken commandment. Right up there with murder and taking the Lords name in vain. 

Even so we were allowed to get married, I adopted the kids, we get to be a family, we get tax breaks for all of this, I can provide insurance for my family, I am able to hold her hand in the hospital and we can legaly make decisions for each other and our kids if we need to. We attend church. These are our rights despite our sin. She said all this to me today. Then she asked if we were undeserving of our rights. She asked if she was less deserving, if I was less deserving, if our kids were less deserving of these rights. Then she asked if we were deserving of Gods grace and love. 

My wife has taught me more about Gods grace and love then I ever learned from church. She acts in love even when its uncomfortble Because of her faith and I think thats exactly what a christian should be. 

Maybe our other actions make us sinners according to the Bible but I dont believe that they make us or our kids less deserving of freedoms, rights, privleges, love or grace from the government, society or the church. 

So when I see her reading things from “the church” and “christians” discussing how sad it is or against Gods word it is when rights are extended to gays because of sin and how christians SHOULD feel and think about it with tears in her eyes, when I see how it effects her hope and crushes her faith, I wounder if its really the message of Gods will.

If youre saying that gays should not have these same rights because homosexuality is against Gods word, then you’re saying the me and my own family do not deserve our rights. I have to ask if this is the message you really want to convey because if it is I think everybody is gonna need to take a minute to look in the mirror and at friends family and congregatons to realize how many of us have or are acting against Gods will and commandments. 

What do we all deserve? 

Let those without sin throw the first stone.