An open letter to my little sister on her day of marriage

I don’t remember the first time we met, whether it was at the hospital or at home, but I do remember the first time I held you like it was yesterday. I can clearly recall looking down at your little perfect face. You were a magical wonder to me. I had no idea how you came to be. I just knew you were growing in Mom’s belly and then you were there in my arms and I was your big sister. I remember trying to help you not to be scared at night in our shared room. Telling you stories and singing you songs, like Lionel Ritchie’s “Ballerina Girl“, after we were tucked into our bunk beds. Decorating the underside of the top bunk like the night sky with puffy paint so that it didn’t look like spiderwebs anymore. Fighting every fiber of fear in my body to get up and throw the creepy clowns in the closet so they didn’t scare you. Teaching you to tell time on the wall size wristwatch that hung on our pepto bismol pink bedroom wall to distract you from things I didn’t want you to hear. Taking the blame so you didn’t in get in trouble for your experiments and inventions. Growing up fast so that I could protect your innocence when heavier things surrounded us. Looking over my shoulder to make sure you didn’t follow my own path.

I know you had some trouble as you forged your way into adulthood, attempting to navigate life and love.  It hasn’t always been rainbows and butterflies. There’s been hurt and bitterness. You’ve learned some lessons the hard way. But I hope today as you leave life alone to join together with your husband, that you can look back and see that EVERYTHING that has happened, good and bad, has led you right to this point in your life and made you the woman that he fell in love with.

When you love someone, you can see all the things that make them wonderful very clearly. I know that you see your husband-to-be in that light. But I think you struggle to realize that all the things that are wonderful about him, that you love with all your heart, that you are willing to sacrifice for, willing to give everything you’ve got without thinking twice … finds it’s equal in you.

You are just as wonderful. You are just as magical. You are just as real. You are just as worthy.

As I sit here, with tears of complete joy for you streaming down my face and words failing me, I just want you to know this:

Sister, you are a beautiful, one of a kind, fully deserving of every happiness. Today’s the day. The day you are marrying the love of your life. Please allow yourself to be completely vulnerable. Let everything that has come before go and move ahead and risk it all.  Because you have to in order to fully experience the complete joy and love that is waiting for you. Know that love is the answer to most questions in life. You are ready and he is “the one”.

Go ahead and jump into the great unknown, holding his hand, with your beautiful smile and laughter.

I’ll be right here … always.

Relocation:Pen to Paper; Pros vs. Cons

I spent the weekend in Kentucky with my Mom’s side of the family. There is something about changing my surroundings that deeply affects my psyche. I didnt feel weighed down. Even went for a jog. I breathed easier, slept so much better. Drank a lot of sweet tea. I swear it heals the soul.

Everytime I take the kids to visit at Nana’s and they get to playing with my cousins I hear the same thing: “Momma, lets move to Kentucky.” I always think that would be nice but the reality of it is tough. I sit down with pen and paper and start the pros and cons: Hubster finding a new job, selling and buying a home, changing schools, everything surrounding My Pickle, my doctors, our friends here. There’s a lot.

This time the suggestion not only came from the kids, but various family members and as I went through my list of issues, there were less negatives and more positives in weighing a move. My husband isn’t happy in his current job and layoffs have not only been talked about but happening all around him. He’s already circulating the resume. With his Mom and grandparents having passed away, he has no real family strings tying him here. The housing market is up in our area and our house would likely sell fast and leave us with a hefty chunk of change. We could buy a house with more land like we’ve wanted much cheaper in Kentucky. My Pickle will be headed to college and most college kids live away from home, which will not only be good for him, but if Im honest, it would be good for me to loosen the leash too. Jedi is switching to high school, Diva to middle school. It’s actually good timing where that’s concerned. People travel from all over the world to get treatment at Cleveland Clinic. Id be 6 hours away. And also, my EX wouldn’t know where I live. No more late night drivebys and all the nerves surrounding holidays and his unpredictable behaviors. AND there’s REAL potential for my husband and I’s little idea for our own business. Our friends will travel, we can travel. Lastly, I was raised in the South. Yes, Im pretty liberal but Im always gonna feel more at home with dirt on my jeans and sweet tea in my hand, than all prim and proper lady with a “pop”. Id take a good ol boy, than a suit anyday of the week.

Holy crappoly, ya’ll. This could happen. For serious.

I had a lengthy talk with Hubster last night and reviewed all this with him. He sat listening, quietly. At the end I said, ” Well babe? Whadaya think?

Let’s do it.”

I was in a state of shock. I didnt know whether to be completely terrified of all of this or to jump up and down. We said our I Love Yous and Goodnights. I fell into a completely peaceful sleep.

I woke up this morning with a new resolve to let go and let God. Be vulnerable. Caution to the wind. Jump. Accept it as an adventure.

Husband has already started applying for jobs.

Off we go. Into the great unknown….

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Lake Tahoe

We’re in Lake Tahoe on our honeymoon.

The wedding was beautiful, the marriage is better. Everyone kept commenting about how happy we seem. The truth is we really are that happy.

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We’ve already weathered a lot of storms. It’s simply breathtaking to be here. Yes, Lake Tahoe is gorgeous and so peaceful, but I’m talking about being in that place in our relationship … partnership. It’s certainly something that I’ve never experienced before. We’re soaking it all in.

What else can I tell you?

Umm… let’s see. We love it here. We got a free upgrade to a convertible Mustang from a Ford Focus because we’re on our honeymoon. It’s been so amazing to drive around Lake Tahoe with the top down. We found an amazing little french bakery with the best chocolate croissants. We found a little lakeside seafood joint with actual garlic fries and strong rum-runners, which led to us making out in the car by the lake while Labor Day fireworks were going off. That was a magical moment. Our neighbors banged on their ceiling to tell us to quiet down. ITS OUR HONEYMOON, FOLKS. teehee. I cut my hair the first day here. I couldn’t take it anymore. We had IN&OUT Burger for the first time.

Oh, and somehow I got an anonymous text the first night we were here from our area code back home, 330-000-0000 that read: why didnt you wait for me? WTF is that? It send chills down my spine. I don’t even know how one sends or receives an anonymous text but I’m not wasting this precious time worrying about that

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We’re going to take a sunset dinner cruise before we leave.

I miss my babies.

We ran away together

Last weekend proved to be just what I needed. A little time away.

Jer and I went back to my hometown of Hoodbridge, VA. (Woodbridge) Got to visit with family and old friends, which is always refreshing to ones soul. Also can serve to remind one that somethings/people never change, and that is sad. Anyhoo…Jer had never been to D.C., so I took him to do some of the tourist things, like seeing the Capitol, White House, etc, etc…then we went to The Smithsonian museums. He had never rode the subway before either which I found amusing. I devirginized him of many things and that is always fun.

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It was also my cousin’s husband’s 30th birthday. There was a gathering of friends and lots and lots of laughing. My cheeks and sides hurt the next day from laughing. Also a good thing. Plus, I finally got to meet my nephew. He’s adorable and looks just like his Momma.

This weekend. Ugh! I had some kind of intestinal bug thing, that was awful. The kind of thing where you can’t even keep water down but you somehow have some kind of yellowish looking water coming out of every orphus of your body. TMI, I know. I lost 5lbs in 2days. You never really forget how much you hate throwing up. I realize these things happen, but was a little disappointed because since I was gone last weekend and this is my weekend with the kids, I had wanted to go play in the snow. Instead we ended up laying in my bed or on the couch watching movies.

Today we celebrated Jedi’s 6th birthday. It’s actually Thursday, but it’s EX’s visitation night and while technically, I’m supposed to be able to keep him home on his birthday, I just want to keep the consistency of the visitations going. We went to this really cool train themed restaurant downtown and got to have lunch in train car. We had a blast.

There were some subtle reminders that things were not as I had planned them to be in my son’s life. A lot has changed from his last birthday to this one. But as I looked around and saw how much love and support we had around us, I just had this overwhelming sense that everything was really gonna be alright.  I guess life really is what happens when you’re busy making others plans. And when plans fall through, life goes on.  Sometimes on a better note than you could have ever imagined.

Louisville

Well…that was fun.

We got to Louisville around 4pm Friday. I got to meet my cousin Bry’s little boy for the very first time. I guess he’s around 9mos old and he’s darling. Adorable. He was in a great mood and came right to me. Was all smiles and cute enough to make me ponder having another one myself. This is why my husband had the snip-snip. Every time I hold a baby, I get the hair brained idea to have another one.

Anyways, we had just gotten everything out of the car and into the house when a really bad storm blew through. I got to see my cousin Li and her boyfriend for a bit before they went to dinner and they were kind enough to invite to see a movie with them later. At midnight we caught “You, Me & Dupree” I could have done without the movie, I didn’t really care for it or maybe I just had higher comical expectations…but the company was good.Her boyfriend even paid my way…love that. Then treated us to a little snack at Steak n’ Shake afterwards. I think I got back to my Nana’s around 3am, fell asleep around 4 and then got up with kids at 7.

Took the kids swimming Saturday afternoon and then kinda hung out and visited with family. We tried to go out for a big family dinner at the fabulous BarBQ place called Mark’s Feed Store, but it ended up being me, the kids, my Dad and Li and her boyfriend. Which was just fine for me. I was really impressed that the boyfriend made it through a whole dinner sitting next to Diva and was not even phased.  Went home and went swimming again. Stayed up late talking to my Mom and Nana. Sunday we swam all day long. I have the sunburn to prove it. Then almost everyone came over for a family cookout. Food was delicious. I’m a big fan of meals I don’t have to prepare myself.  Then my Mom and I forced Nana to sit down and watch “Elizabethtown” with us. I really like that movie for more reasons than I can explain, but if you haven’t seen it it’s worth the watch. Got up yesterday morning, packed all of our stuff up and headed home.

It was good to see everybody and it was a relatively uncomplicated visit. Just don’t like seeing my grandmother so thin. That was hard to take and made me worry about her.

Oh and then there was the bathroom incident on the way home.  We stopped for the millionth time for Diva to use the bathroom at a McDonald’s.  I put her in one stall, telling her to do her business and I’ll come back and clean her up and then went in the stall across from it.  “I’m dooooooone” she says as always and I again remind her to wait to get off the toilet so I can come help. “I’m coming.” I reply when I hear the toilet flush in her stall. Not a big deal but I figure I need to get in there before she pulls her pants up and I get a chance to wipe her when I hear “Uh-oh” followed by “Sorry, Mommy, sorry Mommy.”  and then water starts coming under my door. I open the door to find Diva standing in the middle of her stall with her underwear, shorts and shoes soaked. It overflowed. I had to toss everything in the trash and carry her out of McDonald’s in nothing but a t-shirt.

((((((((((sigh))))))))))

And we’re home….for now. Diva and I are leaving Thursday (which is also my birthday) to go to my cousin’s house in Virginia for her baby shower. It’s also right around where I grew up in Northern Virginia…so I might go see some old friends while I’m there.

My new classes start tomorrow. Say prayers or do whatever you do for me.

Make a note of it: I’m wearing a skirt today.

During the middle of aerobics class this morning, one of the girl’s from the daycare area walks in and starts whispering into the instructor’s ear and after she left, we all paid dearly for whatever it was her son had done. It sucked. There were two other instructor’s in class this morning and even they were moaning and groaning. I swear to God, if you could record just the audio in that room during the toning portion of the class, a guy could really get off on all the moaning. 

Anyways…..because of our night out Saturday and staying up all night chillin with my bro-in-law and then dragging all the kids up to Aviation Day yesterday, I was exhausted and went to bed at 6:30pm…I was just gonna shut my eyes for an hour and get up and watch a movie with my husband, but I slept all night. I wake up and come downstairs this morning and the house is trashed.

It’s just not fair. Taking a break should be a break. I shouldn’t have to pay for it when I get back in touch with reality. Just doesn’t seem worth it and that’s pretty frustrating.

I’ve got MUCHO work to do.

Pic from Aviation Day

 

 

Well laid plans

Husband didnt end up having practice last night because the guy from NDE had some childcare problems or something.  So, he ended up digging a big ass hole in our basement for a sump pump because of our water problem and then he started a big blow up fight. I don’t know why. He was in a funk, maybe because practice didn’t pan out, but it wasn’t cool. After all I was supportive and encouraging. Its not my fault it didnt happen. Whatever, it’s over, Bygones.

Today we’re trying to finalize camping plans for this evening. We were invited to go camping with friends,  which would be more fun for the kids. Besides that Jedi has missed Mikey. I think the kids would have fun with there being other kids and what not. Then BIL has a lot of land and he wants us to bring the kids out and pitch a tent there, bonfire, cook-out, but then there’s no fishing and I have to worry about the kids going in/out of his brand new house, BUT it’s free and since we paid for all this sump pump bullshit…we’re kinda strapped. I dunno. I prefer good, ol-fashioned camping myself.

Guess we’ll see what happens.