Is it ironic that my parents and sister for whom I am just “too much” all arrived at their joint vacation at the same time my boyfriend is mansplaining how much “chaos” there is in my home or is it just really “spit in your face” obvious that I’m fucked up and broken and a burden to everyone?
I woke up this morning to a message request sent through Facebook Messenger. It was the EX.
Please just talk with me soon. Please steph. I miss you guys.
I don’t know what there is to talk about because we live with different truths in different realities. That was my response.
I honestly do not know if there is a right response here. I struggle with giving no response to someone I know so intimately struggles with their demons. I also struggle with any response I give, not knowing the mindframe in which it will be received.
He asked about me and the kids and I could not answer. I didn’t feel safe doing so. Then, he told me that he might move to California for a job but that he didn’t want to go if there was even a chance to see any of us. He spoke about the months he spent in jail and the time he spent there reading, learning and inspecting himself. He continued to say that he was doing everything the courts and I had told him to do and that he didn’t need drugs to alter anything about him or his life anymore. He said he was sorry. He asked me to let God in my heart and to forgive him.
My heart is not the problem. It’s my memory. Just a month ago, he was not in a good place mentally. The stories that make their way back to me from his mouth to others’ ears are never accountable or based in reality.
All I could offer was that he should take the job in California and get a fresh start. If he really wanted to help make amends, he could put his money where his mouth is where I am concerned and he could write letters to the kids, they are old and capable enough to make their own decisions where he is concerned, but generally, we all had boundaries he needed to respect. Less conversation, more action.
That’s it. That’s all I’ve got.
As of tomorrow there are 100 days until Thanksgiving. So I am firing up a 100 days challenge.
Here’s how it works: for 100 days, focus on engaging in one activity for 100 days in a row. By the end of the 100 days that daily activity will become a daily habit. Engaging in an activity for 100 day helps create the neural network infrastructure necessary to forge a habit.
I am dedicating the next 100 days to my best possible self health. Goodbye processed sugar, hello at least 20 minutes a day of cardio every. Damn. Day.
Join me. Track your commitment with a photo everyday:
Below are some ideas for your personal 100 Day Challenge.
Choose just ONE activity. If you choose more than one you will overwhelm your self. Also, if you engage in a new activity for more than 20 minutes a day, your brain will fight you on it. So, keep the activity to within 20 minutes a day for 100 days. Your brain will not fight you on creating a new habit if you keep the new activity to 20 minutes or less.
Here are some ideas:
Engage in some cardio activity (run, jog, bike, etc) every day for 100 days. .
Read to learn every day for 100 days. Once again, don’t focus on the time.
Eat less than x,xxx calories a day for 100 days. If you’re a guy, shoot for 2,100 calories or less a day. If you’re a woman, shoot for 1,900 calories or less.
Don’t eat junk food for 100 days.
Meditate for 100 days
Listen to an educational podcast every day for 100 days.
Listen to one TEDx speech a day for 100 days.
Say I love you to your spouse, significant other, kids, parents, etc. every day for 100 days.
Spend $2 less every day for 100 days. It could be more than $2 but just don’t make it unreasonable. Put the $2 into a 100 Day Challenge jar, jug, piggy bank, etc. that is visible and in your line of sight.
Do not gamble for 100 straight days (that’s for the gamblers out there).
Don’t drink beer, wine or alcohol for 100 straight days. Or, if that seems impossible, then shoot for not more than 1 drink a day for 100 straight days.
Floss every day for 100 straight days.
Don’t smoke cigarettes for 100 straight days.
Keep a To-Do list for 100 straight days.
Don’t eat candy for 100 straight days.
Avoid Facebook for 100 straight days. This is for those who waste their time on Facebook every day. You can substitute Twitter, Pintrest, etc. if that’s your Internet time waster.
Don’t read anything negative for 100 straight days.
Read something positive and uplifting every day for 100 straight days.
Call a different person every day for 100 straight days, just to say hello.
Don’t watch TV for 100 straight days. If that’s too much to ask, then watch only 1 hour of TV every day for 100 straight days.
Don’t gossip for 100 straight days.
Tell the truth for 100 straight days. This means do not tell any lies (even white lies) for 100 straight days.
Don’t procrastinate at work for 100 straight days.
Someday you are going to be really, really grateful that God gave you what you needed instead of what you thought you wanted.
I had an AMAZING birthday. All I wanted was to sit on the beach and watch the sunset.
My kids, Bean, his two boys and I met up at the beach. We had a picnic for dinner and then played in the surf and sand for hours, tossing around a frisbee and football.