Hello Darkness, my old friend

Currently I am  experiencing a lot of visual disturbance (and periods of intermittent blindness) in my right eye, mostly. I cannot verbalize the anxiety that comes with these “visual events”. It’s pretty daunting to be facing blindness. What I;m proud of is this:

As a means of immunosuppression, my doctor placed me on steroids prior to starting chemo that has me unable to sleep for more than 2 hours at a time. As well as this and not being able to sit still, I’ve been pacing on a hardwood floor. Im experiencing something like painsomnia.

Instead of losing myself in worry, I’m watching Planet Earth on Netflix so that this eyeball can serve out an “I got to see that”/vision loss bucket list of sorts and I feel pretty damn proud of myself for being able to just sit here and be still in this.

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