“you’re stronger than me”

I’ve had this said to me so many times by a man, I’ve lost count.

At first, it sounds like a compliment. No, at first it is a compliment. They admire it. It’s intriguing. They even take pride in it when they talk about how strong I am to others.

But let me tell you what happens. They stop admiring it. It becomes a bar set too high when they would rather go numb. They “shh” me because they can’t find their own words. They call me “crazy” because to examine their own feelings looks a lot like work they can’t get credit for in a paycheck.

Then it turns to: “I’m just not strong enough for you. You deserve better” and they jump ship.

Here’s the thing: you get stronger when the only option you have is to be strong. If the opt out/greener grass option remains available to you, you’re never going to get strong enough. Unless, you WANT to do the work. Guys, a lot of you are still praying for things that you could have long since accomplished, had you not turned your nose up when the opportunity was given to you because it looked more like work, than a blessing bestowed upon you.

May it be of benefit to someone because it just hurts my heart a whole lot tonight.

Note to Self

Miracle-mindedness means miracle-readiness. Readiness means that you should always keep your perceptions straight, so that you will always be ready, willing, and able. These are the essentials for “listen, learn, and do.” You must be ready to listen, willing to learn, and able to do.

— A Course in Miracles

Equanimity

Equanimity means looking at things objectively like a scientist should, rather than emotionally. We know that scientists should be objective about their work, because if they are emotional, then they are likely to see things which are not there and miss things that are there. If a scientist badly wants a specific result (to be right; self-fulfilling prophecy), he or she is much more likely to make such mistakes. We do the same thing when we badly want something.

EXAMPLE: A woman who has been in and out of a number of relationships and each one of her partners was supposed to be the answer to her dreams. This woman is addicted to falling in love and imagines she will be truly happy with the next man she meets. She will fall wild in love again. She is so desperate to have her dream fulfilled that she does not really see her partners for what they are, only for the ways in which they meet her dream. She is shocked when she is forced to realize each time that her partners were not what she had thought they were. Eventually, the woman stops to investigate what “the dream”is all about. She wants love, but has not been skilled at recognizing it. Learning equanimity will be a big part of her being able to see potential partners in both their good and bad aspects. She becomes less and less desperate for a relationship; to prove she is ok. She begins to choose her partners with more wisdom.

When we find ourselves feeling angry, or needy, or desperately wanting something, or depressed, or jealous, or whatever, then equanimity is the way to step aside from these emotions.

That is what equanimity does: It looks at the pain without exaggerating its effects and consequences. It takes a balanced view

— chönyi taylor, ENOUGH!