Since Mom was in the hospital, we’ve been spending a much greater amount and quality of time together. We’ve both been talking about all these very vivid memories and dreams that keep coming to mind. We have been trying to piece together memories and timelines. This is also coinciding with me decluttering … well, my whole life. Below is an example of one of many astounding connections we have come across. This joint time and effort has provided the greatest insight into who my Mom is and how she arrived at herself in the present, as I’m doing the same work myself. It’s beautiful and I am so grateful for it.

There’s A Life-Changing Eclipse Happening In July, And This Is What It Will Mean For Each Sign — Thought Catalog

On the evening of July 27, there will be a total lunar eclipse, which is when Earth completely blocks the sun’s light from reaching the moon, making it appear as though the moon has disappeared. Though all eclipses are powerful, this is especially potent, because it’s going to be the longest of the entire century.…

via There’s A Life-Changing Eclipse Happening In July, And This Is What It Will Mean For Each Sign — Thought Catalog

And I quote …

I literally just got up and left meditation because I read this while mentally prepping and I had to share:

“If we understand the need for mental exercises, then we can be patient to ourselves. Patience leads us away from guilt. We might have done some stupid and shameful things, but we can change that if we just give ourselves time.”

After another amazing conversation with a older friend this afternoon and then sorting through a box of fascinating 1930s old Hollywood photographs with dearer friend, I drove home at sunset with the windows down and good music turnt up. I smiled the whole way home, singing and bopping along. I decided to stop for a drink and no sooner did I shut my car door and take three steps away, I saw a ghost. Someone I used to know. A an empty shell.

I had a typical ghost reaction: shock, alarm, fear, 4 seconds of bravery and escape. I turned on my heel, got in my car, reversed out of a spot and got back to my journey. I could feel myself becoming disassociative to the present. Beyonce saved me, y’all.

Seldom is the answer Im looking for not found in music.

As I lay here awake in bed at 3am, I can feel myself wanting to retreat… to hide. I guess more than that, it’s a longing for safety. A soft place to fall. Shelter. There is much I cherish about my independence. What I once saw as lonely and forlorn, I now see as sacred solitude. However, I would gladly cut away a pound of flesh at this very moment, to roll over and look into someone eyes. To have this craving for touch satisfied. To feel home. As quick as that feeling was acknowledged, it’s gone. Took me longer to type.

I can’t hide. This much I am certain of, but damn that zone looks comforting. Smart enough to know nothing grows there.

I’ve done a lot of work, reaching out and being vulnerable lately. I won’t retreat. I just desperately need some reassurance and reciprocity, please?

Ball is in your court, universe.