“Women have been trained to think that we are overreacting or that we’re being too sensitive or unreasonable. We swallow the furious feelings. That fury sits deep inside as we practice our smiles.” — Tracee Ellis Ross
If you sit in traffic and dream of sitting in traffic with a better car, thinking that will somehow relieve your aching head, let me suggest that you find a different route.
Do I make myself a blessing to everyone I meet?
- Ankle/Foot Rosary
- A tribute to each of my children’s lessons they taught me
- Hope (as an anchor)
- Infinite Love Loop
- Unconditional, over my heart
My spinal tap showed increased cerebral spinal pressure, which we already knew from the vision loss. This accounts for the inter cranial hypertension diagnosis. The MRI was normal. My blood pressure is finally back to normal. This is attributed to a bad combination of dehydration from being sick all the time and lithium. Turns out lithium had been making me sick for quite some time. My doctor says we will need to keep monitoring symptoms and give it more time before we would move on to brain surgery and it shouldn’t surprise anyone that I don’t want my brain cut open.
This means giving it more time. My patience is wearing thin, but I am encouraged by other areas of my life coming together. Finances are just about straight. I’ve had more friends stop by in the past month than all of last year. Kids are back on track. My niece and nephews brighten everyday. There’s just something about raising kids that fulfills my soul. I have also had the sweet relief of knowing my kids would be watched out for and loved, genuinely, for the rest of their lives. I cannot tell you how heavily that has weighed on my heart and the enormous weight that has lifted from my shoulders. That, in and of itself, has been a major contribution to my stress relief. I am so incredibly grateful to my best friend, Tess, for being an unbelievable source of strength and comfort to me.
THIS is where I need to keep my focus.
Today is the first day I’ve felt like myself in a looooooong time.
I’m ❤️ loving ❤️it. ☺️
I’ll take with me the polaroids and the memories.
But you know I’m gonna leave behind the worst of us.
I am sorry.
Please forgive me.
I love you.
There will always be a part of me that is dirty and sloppy, but I like that, just like all the other parts of myself. I can forgive. Can you say the same for yourself, fucker? Can you forgive? Are you capable of that?
~ Silver Linings Playbook