I have been here watching for awhile now.

I have been trying to figure out how I will fit into all this.

I try to rationalize, but this isn’t normal. 3 marriages, 3 houses and 5 kids between us, co-parenting with drug addicts,.. or stitching wounds from thei abscence. 

I can’t shake this feeling that something bad is going to happen to them…to us. 

I just don’t know how to live with that. 

Maybe Im waiting for the pther or shoe, or perhaps, the facade to drop. Old habits die hard. Maybe, as fucked up as this is to admit, I just cannot wrap my head around the idea that someone would stay. 

.I’m trying to find my footing here.

I just want to be certain we can make a solid foundation before we start to build, but I know I want to build, with you, for all of us. 

Just hold on to me.