Zeke

I made a promise to Takoda and Pnut to honor them by adopting another dog through the same rescue. 

Today I met Zeke. 


Since today was his birthday we decided to bring him home and just like that all seems right in our home world. 

Beach Birthday

I had an AMAZING birthday. All I wanted was to sit on the beach and watch the sunset. 


What I got was much more. 

My kids, Bean, his two boys and I met up at the beach. We had a picnic for dinner and then played in the surf and sand for hours, tossing around a frisbee and football. 


And of course there was sunset. 



Just an all around awesome day for which I am SO grateful. 

Happy Birthday

Very young, I looked out at the scary world and decided I was too broken, too different, to risk revealing my true self to it. I felt too weak to survive the pain I knew was the price of love. So I hid.

The cage I built to protect myself from the world’s toxins also stole my oxygen. I didn’t know I needed to be seen and known like I needed air.

I’m finally proud of who I am. I understand now that I’m not a mess but a deeply feeling person in a messy world.
 My healing has been a peeling away of costume after costume until here I am, still and naked and unashamed before God, stripped down to my real identity. I have unbecome. 

Growing up is unbecoming.

And now I stand: Warrior. Undressed for battle. Strong and benevolent. Both yin and yang. Complete, not in need of completing. Sent to fight for everything worth having: truth, beauty, kindness, shamelessness, love. To march into pain and love with eyes and heart wide open, to stand in the wreckage and believe that my power, my love, my light, are stronger than the darkness.

 I know my name now. Love Warrior.

 I came from Love and I am Love and I will return to Love. Love casts out fear. 

A woman who has recovered her true identity as a Love Warrior is the most powerful force on earth.

Pablo “PNut” Escobar

Even though my heart is broken, after your years of loyal companionship, it was my honor to be able to lay with you and let you go peacefully. We buried you by the shed so you can continue to keep this yard protected for eternity from the grass bears. It seemed like an appropriate memorial.Rest in peace, little buddy, Momma loves you.

Sunday’s Song

I have been here watching for awhile now.

I have been trying to figure out how I will fit into all this.

I try to rationalize, but this isn’t normal. 3 marriages, 3 houses and 5 kids between us, co-parenting with drug addicts,.. or stitching wounds from thei abscence. 

I can’t shake this feeling that something bad is going to happen to them…to us. 

I just don’t know how to live with that. 

Maybe Im waiting for the pther or shoe, or perhaps, the facade to drop. Old habits die hard. Maybe, as fucked up as this is to admit, I just cannot wrap my head around the idea that someone would stay. 

.I’m trying to find my footing here.

I just want to be certain we can make a solid foundation before we start to build, but I know I want to build, with you, for all of us. 

Just hold on to me. 

The Pull

One minute you’re in your room and suddenly an episode of remembrance comes upon you. The portrayal of a bad man transported you right out of the comfort of your own bed and back to THAT mental place.You remember being the victim.

S  T  O  P  !

Do you have any idea how brave you are?

To ever be able to bear your body, mind and spirit again is a miracle. A miracle you perform every single second, of everyday.

The world may pass you over a million times with meaningless labels: but,

Hold your head high and proud , warrior and let your wild heart rave on!

“You were given this life because you are strong enough to live it”