I consider the possibility that I’ve been right and wrong my whole life. I was right to want to be beautiful and sexy; I was just wrong to have accepted someone else’s idea of what those words mean. It strikes me that I need to throw out the dictionary the world gave me about what it means to be a mother, a wife, a person of faith and a woman and write my own. I’ve finally unlearned enough. I have unbecome, and I am ready to begin again.
– Glennon Doyle Melton
“So even if the hot loneliness is there, and for 1.6 seconds we sit with that restlessness when yesterday we couldn’t sit for even one, that’s the journey of the warrior.”
~from “When Things Fall Apart” by Pena Chodron
Jedi: I want a vape pen so my room smells nice like yours.
Diva: Her room smells ah-mazing. It smells good because she cares about it and keeps it clean. Im obsessed with your bed, Momma. Do you know I laid down and fell asleep in Mom’s bed for like an hour and when I woke up my skin was softer.
Me: How is that even possible?
Diva: I DONT KNOW! But it’s totally true. Your bed is magic.
Ive been sick the last couple days.
Lots of sick after having the audacity to eat steak at a wedding Saturday and again Sunday while having Fathers Day dinner with my Dad. Bad move…
The being sick seems to have passed while the feeling sick hasnt OR I did not absorb enough anti-depressant during being sick. Sigh.
It’s usually hard to tell until you’re drowning … tumbling down the rabbit hole.
Kids have been quiet, doing the lazy, teenager summer schtick.
Dog is still low-key dying *sniff*
BOY friend is out of town. Family vacation. Which feels a little weird to type…
It’s strange to know so many intimate details of someone’s life and yet … not know them intimately, in that way.
See, it’s weird.
Wait … is this the rabbit hole?
I have not yet continued my last post because I, intially, needed a distraction from that hurtful ridiculousness and then all the things began happening all at once again.
I was gifted a pass to Cleveland’s LaureLive weekend musical festival from a dear friend through a local radio station.
About midway through Saturday I started losing feeling in my right thumb. Sunday morning it had spread across the palm and at one point Sunday evening I couldnt feel my pinky or any finger tips. When my entire ride side starting to lock up, I called into my doctor’s office and was reffered to the ER to rule out a stroke.
I was discharged with instructions to follow up with my neurologist for a repeat MRI, since it has been a few years, to rule MS, again. All week the numbness has spread. It’s now in my forearm and elbow, shoulder and shoulder blade. Bizarre!
If that wasnt enough, my littlest furbaby, PNut, started really struggling to breathe today.
He was so lathatrgic and just all around … well, pathetic it broke my heart. We’ve been making inappropriate jokes about him “low-key dying” for about two months now, due to his slowing down and hacking cough but I couldnt have imagined that when I walked into the vet’s office today, I would be hearing a “congestive heart failure” diagnosis. Although, I wasnt surprised to hear his heart is enlarged (the pup has a BIG heart!)
The prognosis is not good, but we will try a routine of cardiac medications over the next week and make the hardest decision from there.