I know this truth will feel like a knife in your heart—but, my dear sweet woman, if he wanted to be with you, he would be.
If this man who you’ve given so much of your heart to was able to understand even one iota of what your love truly means, then he never would have turned his back on the magnificent woman you are.
Love is rarely mutual, which is why when it is, magic explodes in the brilliance of stardust.
I know it seems like perhaps it’s just bad timing—that maybe he isn’t ready for you, or even that he’s not sure he deserves you—but none of that is the point.
The only thing that matters is that if he wanted to be with you—he would be.
For when a man falls in love with a woman, nothing can stand in the way. Not life, obstacles or even one’s ideas of readiness or worthiness.
Because as much as we’d like to think otherwise, there is no real reason that he’s not beside you this evening, other than the fact that he’d rather be somewhere else.
There’s no greater pain than loving someone and having them not choose you, but the sad truth is that it’s not your fault. However, that doesn’t make it his fault either. Sometimes love just doesn’t work out the way we want it to.
Sometimes it’s just not right—and unfortunately, sometimes it is right, but we choose to walk away anyway.
I wish I could tell you that there will be someone else out there who sees everything that the other man didn’t—and when he kisses you, you’ll understand why it didn’t work out with the man who stole your heart.
However, the reality is—I can’t.
See, there are lessons in love, and sometimes we come face to face with the kind of love we have only ever dreamed of—yet that doesn’t mean it will always have a happy ending.
Sometimes, in this life, we only find something once. We can say that there are plenty of fish in the sea, and that there are a number of people who can come together and be happy, and perhaps that is often true—but as you know, so much more exists to love than just happiness.
Yet, even that knowledge doesn’t make it any better—the only choice you have to make is whether you’re going to keep making excuses for a man who can’t decide if he wants you, or if you are going to choose joy instead.
Will you let go of someone who’s never been able to commit to you, and instead, make room for someone who will?
Someday, a man will come into your life, and he will simply show up for you. He will be present, he will be sure, and even if the fires don’t burn quite as passionately, he will stay where others only left.
I know that you love this man who won’t choose you, and I know that there is pain in your heart, because out of everything in this world, all you really want is for him to be there with you—but, my lovely woman, he isn’t.
Any man who really wanted to be with you wouldn’t be this conflicted about it. Maybe there would be things to figure out, or situations to discuss, but that would be something to figure out together.
Maybe it just wasn’t love for him—-or sadly, maybe it was, but he just couldn’t accept it.
We never know what each new day might bring, and while it’s tempting to just sit and wait for the perfect time—hoping that this love that feels so right might eventually come to fruition—sometimes it’s just time wasted.
We each take our own journey in this life, and sometimes these men we love truly do have to lose it all before they realize what they had—or could have had. Sometimes we need to figure things out and grow, but you must realize that if he really wanted to be with you—he would be.
All the reasons he believes about why it wouldn’t work, or why it’s foolish, would suddenly seem inconsequential in comparison to the way your eyes make his heart flutter. The obstacles and difficulties would melt in the heat you both create between you—quite simply, nothing else would matter.
And so, sometimes the only choice we have is to simply love them from afar and welcome new possibilities into our hearts, because waiting can only be done for so long before it is truly done in vain.
No one doubts your love for him, but how long do you want to love a man who refuses to love you in return?
How long will you tell yourself that perhaps tomorrow is the day he’ll decide he can’t live without you?
As difficult as it is to accept, the only reason you’re not with him right now is because he doesn’t want to be there with you. Life is pulling him in another direction—or maybe, it’s just that he’s chosen to walk down a different path. After all, that’s the thing about love—we always have a choice.
And though we may wish he’d made a different one, the reality is—he didn’t.
As much as you may love him, the reality is that if he really wanted to be with you—he would be.
Without a bridge to step out onto between us, I feel stuck alone inside myself.
~ Glennon Doyle Melton
I have confronted some of my biggest fears this week. It has scared the shit out of me, literally, as the stress has taken over my belly. Despite the ache and feeling sick and people’s disappointment at the potential for placing myself in danger, I’ve surprised myself. I was inspired by this song:
you are a horse running alone and he tries to tame you
compares you to an impossible highway
to a burning house
says you are blinding him
that he could never leave you
want anything but you
you dizzy him, you are unbearable
every woman before or after you
is doused in your name
you fill his mouth
his teeth ache with memory of taste
his body just a long shadow seeking yours
but you are always too intense
frightening in the way you want him
unashamed and sacrificial
he tells you that no man can live up to the one who
lives in your head
and you tried to change didn’t you?
closed your mouth more
tried to be softer
less volatile, less awake
but even when sleeping you could feel
him travelling away from you in his dreams
so what did you want to do, love
split his head open?
you can’t make homes out of human beings
someone should have already told you that
and if he wants to leave
then let him leave
you are terrifying
and strange and beautiful
something not everyone knows how to love.
– Warsan Shire
Understand me: I do not think all Trump supporters are bigots. I do not believe all Democrats hate Republicans and vice versa. I do not think pro-choice= pro-abortion, nor does anti-abortion= pro-life. You don’t have to be a Republican because you’re a Christian, you are not a terrorist because you are Muslim. You are not a lazy, socialist because you are stuck in poverty, suffer from a disability or even addiction. You did not make a choice to be black or gay.
A lot of hate has been unleashed. We need to be smart and peaceful in our response and #solidarity #gohigh #safetypin #imwithyou #holdtheline
For awhile now, in relation to the words that have left Trump’s mouth, I sat with my mouth agape, trying to wrap my mind around the possibility that this could be a serious candidate for President of the United States of America. Trump as THE representative of our country? Surely, this is entertainment trying to intercede in politics. Some of it was funny, at first, but as Trump gained momentum it became terrifying. When a party I used to have so much faith in nominated him as their presidential candidate, I was in disbelief. It was surreal and sad. Really sad.
I falsely believed there was no way in hell evangelical Christians would fall in line. Behind this guy? No way. It not only happened, but it revealed the true identity of many who have played integral parts of my life. People I love and respect. It unraveled my faith in not only these people, but in the very existence of God. I still don’t know what to do with that.
This is about more than politics.
As a sexual assault and harassment victim, I feel like everybody is laughing at me, as though I deserved it somehow. I learned from a meme my grandmother posted to Facebook that because I’ve read 50 Shades of Grey, that I am less deserving of being appalled or maybe even empathy. As the mother of a disabled child, I feel like everybody is ok with the most vile acts of his being preyed on and bullied. When I think of his tears through the years, I don’t know how we placed a man who mocked a disabled reporter on this most public pedestal. As a mother of a a child who has planned out their career in the military in the tradition of a grandfather full of integrity, I feel like his life is now more in peril and given less value by a war-thirsty administration of a country that doesn’t deserve my child’s ultimate sacrifice. As the PROUD mother of a child who identifies as LGBT, well, I am simply heartbroken. I wouldn’t wish on my worst enemy to ever have to bear the sight of their child in such confusion, pain and fear.
Still, I mustered up my best mother mask and told the kids how resilient our country is. I decided to set an example to push forward into the unknown and hope for the best.
This evening, I left the house the first time since the election results were tallied and President-Elect Trump was paraded in front of the world. I went to Walmart, against my better judgment and experienced something, I had only previously imagined, from the Civil Rights or holocaust era. Maybe, I had read it in a book or seen it in a movie before, but this, THIS was happening, right now…right in front of me. A white suburban mother and her young daughter, ridiculing a middle eastern women in a hijab. It immediately struck me across the face and shook me to my core.
I can only recall this feeling two other times in my life: 1. Seeing a KKK cross burning as a kid and; 2. hearing a gas station attendant tell my boyfriend in high school, “Boy, you’re in the wrong place.” followed by being cruelly intimidated for our interracial status.
I’ve been brought to tears remembering Obama’s inauguration as I look ahead to Trump’s. I remember how proud I was of the progress made across generations because my son didn’t understand the significance in the difference of his skin color.
Just stop and think about that for a second. 8 years ago I had hope that racism was dying off. I wept tears of joy thinking that my children would never experience those core shaking memories from my youth. Things were different. Change had come. Martin Luther King, Jr.’s most beautiful dream was a budding reality.
I feel like I have been sent back in a time machine.
We haven’t learned and so history will repeat itself?
Not on my watch. Not my children. Love will trump hate.
It has to.
There’s a part of me that’s trying to hang onto the little bit of rope I have left without stringing it around my own neck, however, there’s another part of me that is already standing atop the rope and is ready to keep standing up for everything I hold dear and love about my country.