The Diva: “Mom, I need a snack. My tacos were terrible. The person that made them must’ve been high.”
“We need one another. There’s no reason to judge. People are more fragile than you could possibly imagine”
If You Feel Too Much: Thoughts on Things Found and Lost and Hoped For by Tworkowski, Jamie
Best description of PTSD Ive ever read …
“It is as though some old part of yourself wakes up in you, terrified, useless in the life you have, its skills and habits destructive but intact, and what is left of the present you, the person you have become, wilts and shrivels in sadness or despair: the person you have become is only a thin shell over this other, more electric and endangered self. The strongest, the least digested parts of your experience can rise up and put you back where you were when they occurred; all the rest of you stands back and weeps.”
All day long, I worked on my essays for the tutorials today and tomorrow. Thankfully, one is finished and the other coming along. Looking at my work makes me realize that I should consider staying in academia. Although I love writing, research is probably even more exciting for me. After all, one of my 2,000-word essays had 10,000 words of research. Cutting down my material takes up a great deal of my time.
Anyway, the point of my blog today is to give you some uplifting but painfully honest quotes about PTSD. Having mine ratchet up the past few days has made life very stressful. However, I am hanging in there like thousands of other men, women, and children who suffer from this illness do each day. These…
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via: elephant journal
To love a Leo—madly, truly, deeply—takes one hell of a determined heart, for she is as wild as they come.
In her commitment to ever-evolving and ever-transforming her self and this world we live in, she will push and pull—she understands that any life worth living well must be built on a solid foundation of truth and so to love a Leo, the beating in your chest must be strong and you must know how to root down and stand your ground.
Her ways, which she learns as she goes, will shake the dust until everything that does not belong falls away—and at times, this might mean she pushes you away, too.
As fierce as she is, hidden in her heart of hearts is a too-big doubt that she can be loved completely and so be prepared for her to bare her teeth if you get too close to the place where she hides her fear; this is both a test of your intention and a way to keep her sacred heart safe, for to love Leo, you must love all of her and the most-vulnerable parts you must love most of all.
There will be moments when the need to race through the jungle (or around the world) takes over and she will bolt, with no explanation (she will try to her best to tell you why, but how a Leo lives is through feeling and even though words are a part of her craft, in these instances, her wildness can find none); and so she will go, her mane flowing behind her, soaking life in through all of her senses for she must do in order to understand how life works—and when you find yourself feeling forgotten, her heart will beg you to be patient, for she will return to you as soon as she can, panting and heart pounding, full of all she has learned.
(A Leo is loyal and understands that before she can show up for the one she loves, she must first learn how to show up for herself and it is through this strengthen of will and compassion that she asks you to invest your trust in her; for while her heart holds love for all beings, the kind she has for you will move mountains and light all the stars in the sky.)
She needs this freedom to feed her creativity and she will look at you with her knowing eyes to see if you see it all, too, for because she is who is she is, she will want you to be who you are, too—nothing more, nothing less.
She knows the unsaid things—the ones we hold onto as our mouths move and the opposite words fall from our lips, instead; she will often get alarmingly still and this is because she needs to in order to hear it all. In the hush, she will gather information and file it away, for if a Leo is anything she is organized and everything has a place (and there is even a place for things-that-don’t-have-a-place).
To love a Leo, understand that her lair must be in order before she can do anything; her mind is the largest of libraries, for she is of this world and many others, and there is always work and learning to be done. (In fact, it’s likely that if find yourself in love with such a creature, your brain might roar at an incredible volume, too, for this is one of the locks your key must slip into in order for you to be an imperfect-perfect match.)
Before she can settle her attention on you fully, everything must be in place and then she will curl up, serene and surrounded by her furry beasts, for she speaks all tongues—and maybe, if the day is slow and the moon just right, she will purr as she waits for you to crack your chest open and show her your raw, beating heart.
(The idea of this might make you recoil, but please know that she has made it her practice to spill open—and so while she doesn’t expect you to make it yours too, there is a certain kind of give and take that offers balance to every union. So, from time-to-time, honor her—and more importantly, you. Show her that thing about you that you’ve taught yourself to hide away, for I can promise you that a Leo will not shy away and she knows in every stitch of her bones how to love like the ocean.)
She will transform what she has learned in these moments of deep listening into wisdom, and as she gets older, she will learn how to rule herself accordingly. It is likely that on her path, this one that has no footsteps to follow; the one she designed for herself back before the start of time, that she will fail many, many times. She will be uncomfortable in her impatience and when you stop by for a visit one night, you may well find her in pieces on the kitchen floor, her body not able to lie or to hold it all in, tears and snot running down her face—and here is where you will witness the strength that vulnerability brings.
(A Leo has shown you everything in this moment, for that is what she is here to do. She will stay there, and ask you to stay with her, until it is time to pick herself up, again. Your presence will fill her heart with gratitude, and she may even slide her hand into yours, or lay her head on your shoulder, and let out a mighty sigh—she is shy when it comes to this sort of thing—accepting the support she so desperately craves and fears, so let it unfold, slowly and carefully.)
You will hear rumors about the lioness you have your eye on; they will say that she likes to be the center of attention and that she demands riches and gold. They will say a Leo is happiest with the weight of ten thousand jewels around her neck and that her ego rules her heart—and they will tell you that this feline is proud and does not like to be reckoned with.
In everything, there is a grain of truth; trust that the one you love is as rare as they come; her heart rules all and so that this can’t be argued with, she will wear it, without apology, on her sleeve.
She will yearn not for a castle on a hilltop, but for a cabin in the woods, so that she can sit by the river that runs through the land and listen to the lessons the four directions has to share. She will bow down and touch her forehead to the ground often, in an act of reverence, gratitude and prayer—and she will understand that the breeze that whistles through treetops carries with it messages meant just for her.
She will need just-enough to sustain a simple life, for a Leo knows that richness lies in the slow, humble moments of laughter and figuring it out, together. She will feel like royalty if you return from a walk in the woods with a handful of wild flowers and if you take her on a date to gaze at the stars, she will devote her heart to you, and you alone.
She plays battle with her ego and with the years marking themselves on her body as time often does, she has learned how to tango with the righteous voice that can sometimes fight to be heard.
A Leo is prideful—yes—let not that pride be mistaken for anything other than the highest form of integrity; she will prefer quiet nights in to loud nights out and she will be happiest curled up with a book, for within the pages lies where her life began.
A Leo will make things with every blink of her eye and every pound of her heart, for she thrives on seeing the harmony of elements meeting and falling in love—and she will want you to find new ways to keep her falling in love with you, too.
She is stubborn—but she is kind and her compassion reaches to the far corners of the earth. In her heart, she holds it all; the joy and the sorrow, the laughter and the tears. As much as she wants you to wrap your arms around her and be held, she also needs long moments to hold herself, for a Leo feels so deeply at times she wonders if it is a blessing or a curse.
So to love a Leo, you must first love yourself; let the space in your togetherness be like the sea and in her rhythm, you will learn the meaning of a heart roar.