Let me explain: 50 Shades of Grey and BDSM

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There is a whole lot of hooplah all over the interwebs and airwaves about 50 Shades of Grey right now. It’s theatrical release coinciding with Valentine’s Day should only further the chatter and curiousity to the author and production company’s delight.

I read the books. I will say that they are not very well written. No disrespect, but it is everything a romance novel is meant to be and not be. It’s an easy read that has a lot of sex in it, however, the euphamisms used to further describe a quite undescriable experience wore my last nerve. The storyline kept me mentally checked in.

It seems many people are not happy with the book due to it’s perceived “intimate partner violence” (IPV). There’s even a hashtage (#50dollarsnot50shades) which is growing in popularity asking people to donate the $50 they might spend on the movie and concessions to a local women’s shelter. I just finished reading an article by a progressive Christian, Mark Sandin, who I respect very much, in which he claimed this was his own problem with the novels and why he would not be supporting the movie.

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Here’s the thing:
Yes, 50 Shades of Grey revolves around two people participating in a BDSM relationship, however, BDSM is not about violence. The roles of BDSM partners are, in and of themselves, while unequal, complementary to one another. The idea of informed consent of both partners becomes essential. It is less about control and isolation and pain than most people believe.

Practicing BDSM involoves such high amounts of trust and vulnerability. So much so that it almost becomes, dare I say … spiritual. What is spirituality without trust and vulnerability? Can you be spiritual without daring greatly to bare the most intimate knowledge of yourself? Having a spiritual connection at that level to something outside of ourselves is at the heart our desire. Desire, not lust.

While leaving yourself exposed opens you up to greatest pains you’ve ever known, it also allows you experience things at a whole new level. Love. Sex. If you’re going to keep pieces of it unavailable, you’re never going to know the heights you can reach. That’s the real idea behind BDSM. At least for those I know personally who practice. As with anything, people get involved for the wrong reasons. Just like marriage and even religion, when you add the wrong person and abuse of power, especially where vulnerabilities are concerned, the potential for things to go wrong or become abusive is high.

That’s always going to be the problem with vulnerability.

SPOLIER  ALERT: In the storyline beyond the BDSM in 50 Shades of Grey you find that Christian Grey (man, that’s a loaded name) was an abused child. The only way he was able to become successful was to lose his inhibitions through a BDSM arrangement. 50 Shades of Grey is actually a reference to the many levels of not black and white that make up Mr. Grey, not bruising as many people insist. It is also through this arrangement that he is finally able to fall in love because it allows him to become vulnerable.

So, you see there is actually a lot more to the story than meets the eye. If you look for it, you’ll find a really deep lesson in vulnerability. And who doesn’t need more vulnerability in their life?

Just imagine, fantasize if you dare, the possibilties.

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6 thoughts on “Let me explain: 50 Shades of Grey and BDSM

  1. I saw it with my wife. We are sometimes into a little “play” and you’re right the amount of trust involved is well beyond the normal relationship trust. 🙂

    It’s almost spiritual. We do take turns being sub and dom though I am more often the dom.

      • Well by partners you mean long term then for me 3 men, 2 women. Only 1 woman has been my life long partner since I was 15 we have been lovers and partners.

        If you mean I fucked them because I could. To damn many to count on fingers, toes and that’s if I count of Sarahs, yours, your husbands as well.

        I am/was a stripper after all and I had my fun.

  2. Sincerely… it’s a pathetic book written by somebody who has no idea of how spiritual a BDSM relationship is.

    to start with… more than fifty shades of grey a book about this kind of relationship should be “the thousand hues in a rainbow” as BDSM is more about discovering the world isn’t about black and white or even grey. the world has countless colors and everybody likes and enjoys a different set of them.

    but going back to christian grey… he became how he is because he was used in an abusive relationship masked as BDSM and he became only able to show “affection” by having similar relationships. he has no idea of what it means to truly dominate a sub. he uses his money to give expensive gifts and shouts commands but in the end he can’t lead a thing.

    the first things a Dom should have are control (which Grey completely lacks) and the empathy to understand the needs of a sub (which he doesn’t even seem to care) you just need to look at how the first book ends. she asks him to do something, he agrees and she becomes overwhelmed by it. a proper Dom would simply had answered “you aren’t ready for this so I won’t do it. yet” if christian knew how to be a Dom he wouldn’t had used his money to buy expensive gifts. he would had given her what she needs. nothing more, nothing less. does she needs a full new wardrobe? no. does she need a high class computer or car? no. an average one is more than acceptable and, in fact, she will feel far more comfortable with the gifts that way.

    the way grey treats Anastasia isn’t unlike what you would do to a prostitute. you buy expensive things to her and ask that she spreads her legs for you anyway and anytime you want. that’s not a BDSM relationship.

    christian grey is just an immature rich child that feels the need to control those around him so they don’t control him. true. he is good looking and rich but those are his only good qualities. looks won’t last. we all become old and ugly. money is the least valuable thing we can have. knowing that… what worth could grey have? at first sight you may see him as great but… scratch that varnish and you will see a worthless powerless little boy. I pity anybody that’s like him. they believe to be great but only because they have never felt real power and true value.

    • Agreed.
      My only purpose in writing this was to help keep minds that 50 Shades doesn’t come close to encapsulating a true BDSM relationship. That is sacred.
      Thanks for your response.

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