You are fourteen today. It’s hard to believe. Even as I told you the story of the day you were born, again, that it has been that long. To me it feels just like yesterday that the doctor was placing you on my chest, over my heart. The memory is so vivid. I think it may be one of the few times in my life that it was as if I was living a dream. Just like that moment between a dream and reality when you’re not sure if it really happened or not. Only this time it had. There you were, in my arms.
Despite all the circumstances that surrounded the demise of your father and I’s marriage, never doubt that you wanted and you have purpose. You were a dream in my heart when I was still a little girl. When I would be asked what I wanted to be when I grew up, the answer was always the same, a Mom. Being your Mom has been something more spectacular that anything I ever imagined. You are more than a dream come true, you are the love of my life. You were the boy who was always meant to be mine. The boy who bound up my broken heart. The boy who thinks and understands the things I don’t say.
Many people compliment my parenting for the young man you are becoming, but I know that I can’t take credit for your soul. It is genuine and it is yours.
Even as a little boy, you had such compassion and wisdom beyond your years. You always had reassuring words and a smile. They were simple and everything that needed to be said. I don’t know many kids who would choose to sit in a hospital room or at bedside for hours on end because you already knew that’s what being a friend is when your best friend has cancer. I could never find the words to express my overwhelming pride watching you go up to speak such moving words at his funeral in front of so many people in mourning. Consoling his grieving family. You are the very definition of a friend. I so admire your bravery and your comfort in being yourself. You’re proud of being different. You flaunt it. You own it. Witnessing it just makes everyone else comfortable in themselves too.
You will be starting high school in your 14th year of life. It will be a time of great change and many lessons. Don’t be too hard on yourself when you make a mistake, but keep the lesson. It’s all apart of growing up. You may fall in love for the first time. Commit to memory all the little things that you do for your first love, so that you will recall to do them for your last love, your future wife. This is more important than you can understand now, but just trust me, the little things are BIG things. You’re going to become more curious about sex and that’s ok. It’s normal. You’re going to be told all the reasons why you should wait. Adults forget to explain that want grows in you like hunger though. You will crave it. Much like food, the richest experiences are worth the effort to make sure it’s done right. Like making a gourmet dish. Take your time. Appreciate the art of preparation. Take care in the details that matter. You can’t expect to create a filet out of ground chuck. It will taste so much better if you have put the care and time in. Girls are delicate and their hearts, even the wild ones, are fragile. Handle with care. Lead with honesty. You’ll be fine.
Just please always retain the wonder of being a little boy, as you grow into the man you are meant to be, just as you do now. Keep doing you, son. You are an amazing person. You are a true Jedi. Using the force for good. Never trying, but do or do not. It’s a privilege and my honor to be your mother.
I love you with all of my heart.