I think my heart is broken irreparably.

Emotionally I feel this crushing weight on my chest that breaks my heart and makes it hard just to take the next breath

In spite of everything else going on in my life that plagues me emotionally and physically, stuff just keeps coming at me to spin that wheel in my head. That voice.

‘Worthless. Hopeless.’
I try every trick up my sleeve, but it seems every time I turn around it’s there to spit in my face.

‘Nobody cares. You are nothing.
Life can subtract me and it makes no difference in anyone’s equation.’

I had to get this all out of my system so that I can go play pretend happy at my birthday dinner that I don’t even want to go to. *turning finger at dimple, crank smile*

Happy fuckin birthday. I survived another year. Fuck.


I really ended up having a lovely birthday with my family and friends. We all went out for dinner and my best friend and I had a sleep over.

Wine, may not be the answer, but it is the answer today.

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