I haven’t had a period in 4 months, I have gained 18lbs and for shits and giggles, I am growing a beard.  That’s right folks, step right up and see the bearded lady.

Ok, I’m not REALLY growing a beard, I just have more and more of those little, black, randomly scattered, old lady hairs and no matter how much I look or feel for them I always seem to find a new one in the car vanity mirror. Then I will turn to my husband or kids with all the psycho I can muster and say – “Why didn’t you tell me?!?”     Couldn’t possibly be this irrational response I have?

I had to go see “the lady doctor” today for my yearly session of awkward.  We talked about this rather extensively, BEFORE he was between my legs. So he turns to his nurse and say, “I need a blood draw, PCOS panel.”

The thing is, I’ve already had a PCOS panel and a diagnosis, but apperntly if you are having “problems”, gynecological problems to be clear, you have to have another. And another ultrasound. And if the ultrasound shows a thickening of my uterine lining, and knowing me it likely will, I get another biopsy. And if the biopsy is inconclusive again, another DnC. And then more waiting to find out if I’ve got the “C” word.  Well, FUCK THAT.

I’ve decided that if there is another problem with my stupid, wicked uterus that I’m just gonna have it yanked out. Really? I can’t think of one good reason not to. Ive had problems with everything connected to my vagina since my first period. Cyst after cyst. Endometriosis. PAIN. Procedure after procedure, surgery after surgery…for what? I’ve had kids and while I would have loved to have had another, I put that to bed after my miscarriage. I can’t handle having miscarriage after miscarriage and besides that with the mental health issues, it’s not in the cards. I’ve tried to convince myself that it would be better to have naturally produced hormones, but its not like they’re doing a good job and if weight gain were a hindrance to this decision, well…it can’t be much worse so, what else is there?

Aside from all that theres a very real possibility that I could develop cancer especially now that I’m not having my period. I believe it goes like this…missed periods, thickening of uterine wall lining, hyperplasia and then hyperplasis leads to abnormal cells, which leads to cancerous cells. In my mind if this missed period thing keeps happening it increases my chance at developing endometrial cancer so this becomes one of those decisions like whether to keep my breasts if I had one of those genes. I am not vain enough to even give that another thought. The boobs would go.
Already knowing that about myself makes this decision, if it comes to that, that much easier.

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