Insomnia last night led to a nap this afternoon.
I woke up in a cold sweat, crying, curled up in a ball and covering my face.
Nightmare isn’t really the appropriate word because it was more as though I was reliving an awful memory.
He is overpowering the space around me and everything I once was. He’s slapping me in the face over and over. When I cover my face he throws punches into my newly pregnant womb. I slide down the wall and curl up in a ball to protect the child, our child, the child he begged me to conceive. I scream for help and he laughs sadistically.
In the dream…or reliving this nightmare today, I was trying desperately to get away from him, clinging to my belongings and moving place to place, always being found again and again.
Ill never understand how the subconscious works and what draws these memories to the surface, but they always catch me off guard and haunt me for weeks on end.
I completely resent that there is still any power for him to hold over me when Im a lifetime away…