I hope you know

I’m sad but I’ve been told I shouldn’t be.

Your family tells me I shouldn’t be. That’s what they say.

My family tells me they understand because I once had a close relationship with you or they tell me I shouldn’t let it get to me because you were mean to me. I’ve never really cared much what people say.

Except for you…I did care what you said and it hurt…a lot.

More than anything I wanted to reconcile all of this and while I tried so hard to accomplish that while you were still here, I can never be sure how things were actually left between us. I hate that.

I believe that once you get to heaven all the details of everything that went on behind the scenes unbeknownst to you is revealed. You get to see how the great magician did it all I guess. I think you know the truth now and that had you known then what you do now, things would’ve been much different between us. The way we wanted them to be.

I hope you know that I greatly admired you and learned so much from you as a mother. You raised your brothers, your own children and were a lovely, doting grandmother.

I wish we could have celebrated with you. Not just today, but the days we missed and so desperately wanted to be included in.

We miss you. We love you.

I hope you know.

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