I’m being discharged today.

There is a part of me the is obviously, very much looking forward to getting the fuck out of here and going home. I miss being in Jer’s arms. I miss my kids faces and perspectives on things. I miss my bed, fo schizzle.

Then there is a part of me that is anxious as all hell about going home.

This is a safe, controlled environment. You might surprised to know that there isn’t much that is out of control or at least unexpected (nothing is unexpected from crazy people, I guess) but I’m sick of the feeling of being out of control.

One thing’s for sure, this won’t be easy. The doctor has made my discharge contingent on my attendance and participation in the partial hospitalization program. Supposedly, its an intensive, all day program. He did give me the option of attending every other day so I can have a breath in between. (sigh)

Lord, help. Give me strength. I know I’m walking right into fire when I walk out of here. Also courage, wisdom and discernment. My kids need me now.