Upside Down

Just when I thought I was getting used to life as I now know it….my little snow globe world has been picked up, shook and I’m waiting for all the snow to settle again I suppose.

~My Dad is in the hospital – AGAIN. Last summer he had this ultra rare stomach condition where air expands in the lining of the stomach. I guess something like 50 people have had this happen in the history of medical science, 9, including my Dad have survived. This means that doctors don’t really know what happens after the fact. As it turns out, when he stomach poofed up, it caused some tearing on the arteries that feed blood to the stomach. This has caused scar tissue which is slowing and at times prohibiting blood flow to the stomach. This is not good. Lack of blood flow=tissue dies=stomach dies=stomach removed=NOT GOOD. The only options there are right now is to continue to go and stint and/or stretch these arteries. However, you can’t do that too often because it could tear an artery. So, last option is bypass….same as heart bypass, but I guess when you do it on someone’s stomach arteries it’s EXTREMELY risky. I hate, HATE, all of this. It’s not fair. My father is the best Dad a girl could ask for. Most people would tell you he is one of the best people they’ve ever met. I honestly can’t keep count of the number of people who have told me that through the years. He’s just a great guy. It is beyond discouraging when I see him dealing with all of this and other piece of shit fathers/people seem just coasting through life. UGH!

~ Paperwork with THE EX is final. He signed paperwork stating he would not contact us and forfeits his parental rights in exchange for not having to pay child support. Selfishness is an ugly thing.

~ Things at work suck. My boss lacks any passion for….well, anything. It’s a cake job with good pay and benefits, but I don’t think it’s worth it. Found out Friday that he’s an even bigger douche than I could have possibly imagined AND he’s sexting another girl in the office who is TERRIFIED to do anything about it. Creeper. Trying to decide whether to circulate the resume and get the hell outta there or tough it out until I make a decision about law school.

~ Ive gotta make some decisions about law school. If I go, I need to just do it. i’m not getting any younger and neither are my kids and they’re going to college. Period. I graduated with my Bachelors last summer and decided to take some time to figure things out but if I wait too much longer, I won’t go. In order to go next Fall  (2011), I have to take the LSAT by this December at latest so I can put in my apps this Spring. Big decision. Aside from the financial investment, its a lot of sacrifice for the entire family and I’m just not sure  how much sacrifice is too much. The kids have been through a lot.

~ Its hard to make decisions when there are so many what-ifs involving the kids, mostly Pickle.  I’m not talking about regular what-ifs here. i’m talking about not knowing if he’s ever going to be able to come home because of the younger two kids. And I can’t even begin to tell you how much that pains my heart. When I start venturing down this thought track, it’s all down hill.

I really need to get to bed. The lack of sleep surely isn’t helping me get things turned around.

2 thoughts on “Upside Down

  1. I’m sorry to hear about your dad. I wish you guys the best. The spirit that lives in him, lives in you too 🙂 The thought of a man signing over his parental rights makes me throw up in my mouth a little bit. I hope the guilt of knowing he’s such a piece of shit follows him to his grave. I’m happy he’s finally out of your life, and I hope this brings a certain peace of mind. School is a golden opprutunity. If you have the chance, GO. Even if right now is not the time, there’s always tomorrow. There’s so much value in investing in yourself for your family’s future. I remember when u were a paralegal student! 🙂 And look at you now. So proud of you. Keep moving forward, you can do it!I don’t pretend to know what the situation is with D, but no matter what, he knows your love & that you’re on his side. No matter what happens, your love will be the glue that holds the family together, the support & stability that others lean on. Some decisions are harder than others, no doubt. Things will work out in the end, this will not break your family. It is difficult, it is heart-wrenching, it is stressful. But it will not break your family. You are the willow that bends, but never breaks. Stay strong, Steph, and things will work out. <3!!             -*M*

  2. Go to school, dont put it off any longer!! You can do it! I too am sorry about your dad, thats terrible. It would seem that whenever the snow globe settles, something always comes along and shakes it up again.. My daughters dad did that with one of his other children… signing off his rights so he didnt have to pay. I just dont get how people do that? Hang in there sweets, you’re a strong lady, you will get this all figured out… 

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