I received a bizarre text message from EX today out of the blue asking if there was anyway we could meet for a coffee. He thinks it is time for him to talk to me. I told him I would need to think about it. He said he understood and then explained that he is in a program and he needs to complete a step.
This is the conversation that followed after I logged into Yahoo. You be the judge.
(ONLY the names have been changed)
EX (2/27/2010 4:28:09 PM): hi
Me (2/27/2010 4:28:31 PM): hi
Me (2/27/2010 4:29:13 PM): So can you explain this to me?
EX (2/27/2010 4:30:17 PM): wanted the oppratunity to appollogize to you in person.
Me (2/27/2010 4:30:43 PM): apologize?
Me (2/27/2010 4:31:17 PM): You said you’re in a program and its a step. A step is to apologize to me?
Me (2/27/2010 4:33:50 PM): hello?
EX (2/27/2010 4:33:59 PM): forgiveness, my behaivor when we was a family and over the past few years. alot of things are clear now and it has been a long time comming. i will tell you about it if we meet.
Me (2/27/2010 4:34:26 PM): i just dont know if i feel comfortable with that
EX (2/27/2010 4:35:08 PM): and that is ok, i understand.
Me (2/27/2010 4:35:12 PM): do you have a sponser? can they come with you?
EX (2/27/2010 4:36:24 PM): i will have to call and see.
Me (2/27/2010 4:37:08 PM): dont you think its better if they do? i thought thats how it works.
EX (2/27/2010 4:37:52 PM): they do what?
Me (2/27/2010 4:38:15 PM): that your sponser is with you…to help you
EX (2/27/2010 4:39:14 PM): i would like to talk to you in person
EX (2/27/2010 4:40:22 PM): in a public place if you are not ok with it that is why i suggested the baggle shop
Me (2/27/2010 4:40:46 PM): i know you want to talk in person, but youre not the first person i know who has been in a program. usually a sponser would go with you.
Me (2/27/2010 4:41:40 PM): its not just being alone with you that makes me uncomfortable its also that we both have our own feelings and sometimes its like trying to tip toe around a mine field
Me (2/27/2010 4:41:59 PM): it’s easier when there is a mediator
EX (2/27/2010 4:43:03 PM): it will be a nice meeting at a public place, got to go now. just let me know please.
Me (2/27/2010 4:43:25 PM): i didn’t say no i just asked if your sponser would attend with you
Me (2/27/2010 4:43:52 PM): this should happen on my terms, not yours
Me (2/27/2010 4:44:03 PM): and i would feel more comfortable with a third party
Me (2/27/2010 4:45:32 PM): i would feel more comfortable with someone i know, but i think a sponser remains pretty neutral
Me (2/27/2010 4:47:45 PM): hello?
Me (2/27/2010 4:56:23 PM): the bottom line is that your behavior has caused a lot of hurt – A LOT, not just to me, but our children and in you defending or covering up those actions you made it harder for us not only to heal, but you also made it harder for us to have support because you made your family choose a side and by doing that the kids were cost relationships that they had done nothing to lose. this creates more confusion and hurt for them and in turn it caused me more hurt. it only hurts me because i am their mother.
Me (2/27/2010 4:58:14 PM): i am a long way past what happened between US whether you admit or apologize for it to me personally. the harder thing to deal with is what has happened to the kids and i don’t know if youre ready to accept responsibility for that or even understand that. that’s why i think your sponser should be there. not for me, but for you. because anyone coming to grips with the pain they’ve caused an innocent child is a tall order.
Me (2/27/2010 4:59:36 PM): its also the only way i can believe that you are taking going through this program seriously.
EX (2/27/2010 5:42:31 PM): not sure what you are talking about and this has been very overwhelming. maybe someother time, thought i would try to have a nice meeting in a public place over coffee obviously that is a problem with you, so maybe someother time, good day,thank you
Me (2/27/2010 9:47:17 PM): you’re not sure what im talking about?
Me (2/27/2010 9:48:26 PM): then you’re right – maybe some other time.
Me (2/27/2010 9:56:19 PM): good luck. i hope you find your way back to yourself. nothing would make the kids happier.