Today was visitation day for the kids with the El Chupa Douchebag. He called this morning to see who would be attending as in recent weeks both of the boys have more or less thrown in the towel in regards to playing the games their father engages in. I tell him it will most likely only be Diva. He says that sucks. I concur, but what can I do? He asks to talk to the boys and only Jedi will come to the phone.
Before I hand the phone over I hear Stankcy and PlayDoh in the background and I ask him if he can go somewhere alone so that when Jedi gets on the phone that he doesn’t hear PlayDoh as there are so many issues that involve him. Apparently when he goes away to get some quiet private time, “she” freaks out because “she” thinks he’s talking to me. This gets him pretty heated and they get into an argument. I explain that I’m not trying to cause problems, that I don’t care about “her” or “them” but I’m just trying to make things work for the kids. He says he knows, which shocks me and then he goes on to tell me that she’s a selfish bitch and that he’s started to see all the ways in which she has destroyed his relationship with “his family”.As I expected, Jedi has a meltdown about going to see his El Chupa so I take Diva over to my parents so that they can transport her to the visit.
I’m crying it’s just really emotionally draining to see your kids stress so much over seeing their “father”, for the love of God.
I send him a text message letting him know we’re running a few minutes late and that only Diva will be coming. He calls the house and is actually cordial to Jer. Asks him if there is anything he can do to help. Jer tells him he doesn’t know and he’ll have me call him later. El Chupa calls my cell and asks me what he can do. I tell him that all I can offer is my opinion and I already know he doesn’t want to hear it. He tells me that I’m the mother of his children, that makes my opinion matter. (Who is this person?) I tell him… the kids problem with you is that: 1. they don’t like the way they see/hear you treat me and;;
2. that you live with “her” and after everything they feel like you betrayed them – those are their words, not mine. He actually says, that he can see why they might feel that way. I tell him that he needs to understand that they don’t feel that way because of me though. He stops me and tells me he knows. I tell him that he needs to stop telling them that he’s not mad and that he’s not being mean to anybody because they’re not stupid, they know he has and then they think he’s a liar. I tell him what you need to say is “I’m sorry, I’ve been a jerk. I was wrong. .I’ll try harder” and then DO IT.
He tells me he’s sorry. I tell him I don’t want to hear “sorry”, I’ve heard it for 10 years, enough, I just want him to make it right with them. He tells me he will. He says she’s a selfish bitch and she’s made this situation a win-win for her and a lose-lose for him and that he was blinded by it for way too long. I tell him I tried to tell him, but he didn’t want to her it. He says he couldn’t hear it. I told him that Jer even says that everything changed when he moved in with her. Sure, we had our issues and arguments, but we were always able to set it aside for the kids. We had dinner together and went to school functions together and they spent the night when they wanted. Then that stopped because “she” was jealous of him being around me, of his relationship with the kids. “She” started filling his head with b.s. because it worked to her advantage to turn him against us, but HE LET HER. He tells me he’s going to make it right.
That might have been a good decision a YEAR AGO.
The thing that makes this strange is that on Thursday he signed the papers ending our Shared Parenting Plan, giving me full custody and legal guardianship of the kids. The only parenting rights he retained were supervised visits. In the past, when he has played this hand with me, it has been prior to a court decision or agreement in Order to make me feel sorry for him and to cut him some slack. That’s not the case now.
I’m very suspicious of ulterior motives here. I’m also keenly aware that in the past, I was the “selfish bitch” so I don’t like the finger pointing that’s going on there, but he did also say it wasn’t just that, that it was his own actions as well.
Diva comes home from visitation and says “Daddy says he’s not going to be a jerk anymore“. My Mom says, “He was different today”
Weird. That’s all I can say.
I’ll believe it when I see it.