As if it’s not enough that I had to quit my job so that I could be home with my children and get them through all of this….now, I have to take the time I need to devote to them, in order to prepare to defend myself against nothing. It’s just ElChuba and Stankcy’s accusations that I’m a liar. So, I have to go through and transcribe phone conversations myself, so I don’t have to pay my attorney’s office, cause now that I’m not working, I surely can’t afford it. (By the way, for anyone who’s looking for a last minute gift for my birthday Friday, I’d take a donation to my paypal account so I can keep my attorney in paper. It’s a vicious cycle because, as I’m trying to prepare for court, the kids are constantly interrupting, which makes everything more annoying and stressful. They’re just being kids. I want them to just be kids. I want to be able to enjoy them just being kids and I can’t. I HAVE TO DO THIS. And in the meantime, he does nothing…NOTHING. He doesn’t have to do a damn thing except sit back and complain and point the finger. When if he had been being a father to begin with, none of this would’ve happened.
Despite making an exception for supervised visitation so that he could see his children, it’s my fault that he can’t see them, because he can’t afford it. CAN’T AFFORD IT? Listen, as a parent I can tell you – there is NOTHING that could keep me away from my children. NOTHING. If I didn’t have cash on hand for the visits, which are only $40 per hour for the social worker’s time – you better believe I do whatever it took to get. I’d ask my friends and family for help. I’d beg for it. Hell, I just start selling shit off in order to see my kids. IT’S AN EXCUSE.
This all just makes me sick to my stomach.
When we went to court last Friday, all he talked about was himself. He was more interested in covering his own ass than he was in his own kids and what has happened to them. He actually submitted an affidavit to the court, a sworn testimony, that said everything I told the court that happened to the kids had “no basis in fact” THEN we go to mediation last Friday, and he says right in the middle of it, that he knows something happened. What is that? I’ll tell what it is, aside from sick, it’s perjury.
Do you know he looked me right in the eye and said I can’t believe YOU’RE doing this to them. That YOU’RE keeping them away from their father. As if all of this is MY fault. I didn’t do this to them. In fact, when I went to him with it, he didn’t believe me. When I told him he could have visitation anywhere but there, he just insisted on ignoring me, said nothing to ease my mind, nothing to protect the kids, he just wanted his visitation. What choice did he leave me with but to stop visitation? Am I really supposed to rely on his merit? And then I am the one who tells my attorney I don’t want to keep him away from them, that I just want to protect them, I don’t want to make it any harder on them, I ask for the supervised visits and then it’s my fault that he can’t afford it?
And you know what really sucks?
Being the only person whose stood up for the kids through all this and as if it’s not enough that I’m on my own and he’s denying it, I have to be persecuted. His stupid girlfriend has to start saying that I’m immature and that she thinks I have some kind of personality disorder. That’s what I get for doing what I’m supposed to do for my kids?
I’m thinking you know..how horrible to not have him on my side, on my kids side. And why does there have to be a side, why isn’t it a given? Why does everything have to be a fight? And why do I have to fight for my children, against their father?
I’m so tired of fighting.
It’s just not fair.