Midsummer night dreams

I have been having some weird nocturnal events as of late.

I’m really looking for some feedback on this one, cause it’s really starting to get eerie.

For the last week and a half, or so I have been waking up every night between 3-4am in the morning.

Now, when I wake up, I shoot straight up to a sitting position and I feel completely panicked. I feel like something is really wrong, I feel like something bad is happening right then, but nothing is happening, everyone is sleeping, everything is quiet. But it takes me a good hour or two to shake this feeling, calm myself and get back to sleep.

The bad dreams haven’t happened every night. They only started a couple days ago. The dreams are all different in the way that they happen, but they have the same end results … someone dies. Namely, the ex-husband.

The first one, was the most vivid one. In fact, it was so real, as I was crying in my dream, I woke up crying for real. In the dream, I am awaken from a deep sleep and I sit up in my bed and realize something bad has happened. I can’t shake it, so I go downstairs and grab a blanket, throw it around my shoulder and I’m sitting with the phone in my hand on the couch, waiting for it to ring because I’m waiting for the bad news. I hear a car pull up outside and hear the doors slam closed. I get up out of the chair and I walk to the door and open it and see two state patrolmen walking to the door. I look at the clock, it’s 3am. I go out on the porch with the blanket it around me and the first patrolman says, “Are you Mrs. EX?” before they say anything else I say to them, “It’s EX, isn’t it?” The one patrolmen shakes his head and the other begins telling me, he was drinking and driving, he was in his Jeep, there was an accident, he wasn’t wearing his seatbelt, he was ejected from the vehicle. And I blurt out.. “He’s gone, isn’t he?” He nods his head and says he’s sorry. I crumble on the porch with my head in my hands, sobbing. He tells me they need me to go sign the papers to have his body released from the morgue. I explain to them that I can’t, because I’m not his wife. They tell me this was the address listed on his driver’s license. I start crying and I tell them, this was his home. I can feel the patrolman’s hand over the blanket on my shoulder as he tried to console me.

I wake up, shoot up in the bed, crying. It’s 3am. I’m still clinging to my shoulders as if the blanket that was wrapped around my shoulders is still there and it’s as if I can still feel that touch on my shoulder.

The next night, I dreamt that EX had killed himself. He called me and was crying. He told me he was sorry for everything. He told me to tell the kids everyday how much he loved them. That even if he hadn’t done a good job in life in watching out for us, he would be now and always. He told me good-bye. He told me he loved me and then I heard a gunshot. I dropped the phone and put my hands to my mouth and started shaking and crying. It then skips to his funeral. I can see him in his casket. But his family won’t let me in. They tell me this is all my fault and literally push me out the door, so hard that I fall. As I turn to leave, they actually throw stones at me. I can actually feel them hitting my skin.

Again, I wake up, it’s just after 3am and I immediately reach back and am rubbing the spots on my back where I felt the stones hitting me.

This thing about waking at 3am and the feelings I have, really get under my skin though, because I’ve heard on more than one occasion that 3am is considered to be the “witching hour” in which we are more spiritually attuned and closest to the supernatural. There used to be a old wives’ tale floating around that claimed this was why 3am was the hour in which most people died or “crossed over”.

Anyways, the last dream, wasn’t present time, but it wasn’t far into the future either. He was dying of cancer. I got a phone call from a woman. She told me that if I had a decent bone in my body I’d bring the kids up to the hospital to tell their father good-bye. He didn’t have much time left. I knew in my dream that the kids hadn’t seen him in awhile and I didn’t want this to be their last memory of him. So I went alone. At first, I thought the woman who called me was his now girlfriend, but the lady at the hospital had dark, mangy hair. She actually looked like a stereo-typical witch. This woman, whoever she was, started yelling and screaming at me, that I wasn’t going in there. That she only called me to bring the kids to her. A friend of mine (who is a nurse in real life) was there and she told this woman, that either she calmed down and let me see him without incident or she would call security and have both of us removed and he would no doubt, die, alone. I go in and sit in a chair next to his bed, and take his hand in mine. He barely opens his eyes at me and says my name. He grasp my hand in desperation but he seems to still have this anger in his eyes. I tell him “Just stop. Enough. We both know the truth. All this stuff you created between us has all been lies. I don’t care. And the only reason I came here, was to tell you I forgive you and that I love you. I always have. I know who you are and I loved that person, good and bad. You didn’t have to hide all that stuff and lie about it. I just wanted to help you make it better. I just wanted you to love you. I didn’t want you to hurt anymore. I want you to put the guilt down.” He starts to cry. I get up and take his face in my hands and kiss him on the lips. I get up to walk out of the room and I turn back and look at him, I smile and I say, “Bye” and he says, “Bye, Babe.

I wake up. It’s 4am. Wide awake, but this time I’m calm. I still feel like something is wrong, but I feel like I can face it. I’m not scared, even though I know, whatever this bad thing is, is still there.

Now my Mom, is kinda my spiritual guru. She reads a lot about this stuff and about different religious beliefs and ideas. Of course after weeks of this, I went to her about this. She told me that in the Jewish faith, 4am is considered be the time when God can most hear our prayers and that if you are ever woken from sleep at this time, that you should consider your spirit awakened and start to pray those things most laid upon your heart.

So when I woke up this morning at 4am, again … I immediately got out of bed and starting praying over my situation, for my children, for my family members, for healing, I prayed for my friends and their families. I prayed feverhently for a good 30 minutes. And all of a sudden I just had this peace come over me. This calm. This very unreal … serenity. I got back in bed and fell right back to sleep… peacefully.

Today – there were answers to prayer. Undoubtedly.

But I still have to wonder – what about these dreams?

4 thoughts on “Midsummer night dreams

  1. You’re having a LOT of anxiety over your situation… it’s taking over your dreams. Okay I’m not telling you anything you didn’t know already…

  2. Hey hun!  Sorry to hear about the divorce.  But I am happy to hear you have someone new in your life.  Things have a way of working themselves out. 
    Hmm, the dream.   Not sure what it means. 
    I’ve missed you, too and I can’t wait to get back in touch with you again.  You have to tell me all about your new man!!!!

  3. hi. my name is sarah. i have just started a new xanga tonight. i’ve been married for a year in august. my husband has gotten worse and worse with the abuse since we met. he drinks. and he has a temper from hell. anyway, last night was really bad and i left him REALLY left and haven’t gone back this is the first time i’ve ever left him. he seems to say he cares and he loves me but he just doesn’t sound like it. his voice tells me he couldn’t care less. i’m really scared to leave him just because i dont want him to have my daughter because i’m scared he’ll hurt her too also he doesn’t know how to take care of her (shes 5 mo. old) anyway, i’m kinda’ looking to talk to people who have been thru similar situations. i have no idea what to do or how to do it. i read all of your posts. you seem like such a great mother and it sounds like you’re very strong and the way you talk about how ur son realizes the way things are without you having to talk bad about ur x gives me hope that if i do leave my husband my daughter wont hate me someday.
    you deserve an infinate number of eprops haha. you’re a great inspiration to me.
    thanks for sharing your stories here,
    Sarah

  4. Maybe its not physical death (although it could be) but a spiritual death. perhaps its everything you are going through that is leading you to finally know in your heart that there is nothing left between you two. You’ve known in your head, but you know our hearts take longer to listen.

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