There are somethings I’ll never get used to

Sitting in a waiting room as far away from possible from the man I thought I would spend the rest of my life without exchanging eye contact or words, while he sits next to the woman who so quickly occupied the space in his heart where I was promised to be forever.  The man, who asked me to marry him, who swore to honor and cherish me – til death do us part, who held my hand while I gave birth to our children….

It’s hard to take when thought of like that.

However, this is also the man who took me for granted, never honor or cherished me as a wife, used me and abused me for all it was worth and grabbed me by the throat while he was drunk while our children were earshot away.

Not so heartwrenching where all that comes to play.

I woke up early this morning. Laid in bed staring at the ceiling and just asking God for some strength and discernment in this current turmoil. Got up to go to the bathroom and got a little freaked out to hear footsteps coming up the stairs. But, I was greeted by a warm smile, a kiss on the forehead, a toasted bagel and fresh coffee. When I asked Jer what he was doing home he says he had planned to take today off and cleared it with his boss weeks ago, for support. We let the kids sleep in while we talked. It was tremondously helpful to have him there. We took the kids to daycare together. We ran errands together and then chilled for awhile. He was going to go to court with me, but I thought it better to go with my Dad as all of these changes are hard for everybody and I didn’t want to add to it. I figure these things are between ex and I and the ex knows my Dad and he knows he’s fair, levelheaded and unbiased.

El Chupa Douchebag showed up with his girlfriend. I don’t know, maybe it’s just me, but you think if someone really had their kids best interest at heart and was looking for a solution in that regard that they wouldn’t bring someone to court with them whom they have told you is extremely jealous of you and your chidlren. Someone who got pissed at him for visiting our child in the ER because I was there. Doesn’t really promote an open dialogue. But really, what else did I expect? Of course she had to be there. She can’t let him do anything alone. In my opinion, that’s not love, that’s codependence and ownership, but what do I know.  She is his keeper and apperhently it works for them.

It’s slightly humorous since he used to always be so paranoid and make accusations about me trying to control everything. Who knows, maybe he doesn’t even see how he’s been manipulated. How she’s molded him and his life and his relationships with those he loves into exactly what she was comfortable with. Not my problem.

Here’s some free advice to everyone: If you are trying to do something that you think is in the best interest of your children and it involves telling a bold faced lie about the other parent – it is not in your child’s best interest. That mentality is just selfish and self-serving. But at least I know what I’m dealing with. He’ll say anything and do anything with out regard for what it does to me, or more importantly, the children. This is all about him. Which makes all the things I have motioned the court for concerning the kids, that much more validated.

The day ended on high notes though:

When I left, I got to go pick up the kids. They all ran up to me, yelling … “MOMMY!” Hugs and kisses galore. When I arrived back at the house, I received the most beautiful bouquet of flowers along with a moment of complete peace while the man I loved held me in his arms.

And that, my friends, is what makes it all worthwhile.

3 thoughts on “There are somethings I’ll never get used to

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