There must be something in the air

Horoscope for Wednesday, March 21, 2007:

Everyone makes mistakes — and you should keep that in mind when someone who once wronged you reappears on the scene. You can choose to hold on to a grudge, or you can choose to let go of the past and give this person one more chance. Put yourself in his or her place, and be willing to listen to what he or she has to say. You’d be wise to be a bit cautious with this person, but the stars say that forgiveness is a wise course now.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The ex hasn’t been himself the last couple of days. I’ve asked him on more than one occasion if he’s ok. He’s not. I can tell.

This morning … confirmation came.

He called, pretty early. He sounded … well, like himself. What I mean by that is, that he was not the guy who has had me tied up in knots for the years. And for the first time in a really long time, and maybe for the last time for all I know, he showed me his heart.

He apologized.

He apologized “for every nasty, hurtful thing” he had ever said to me.

He said, “You are the mother of my children and you loved me and you never deserved any of that, and I’m sorry. None of those things came from my heart. And I’m expecially sorry for the way things ended and what happened the night I had to leave. There was nothing honorable about it. And after everything … I should have given you enough respect to leave on a note that would allow us to be friends. Things have happened this week that put me on the receiving end of words like that and now I know firsthand that when someone you think loves you, treats you that way, it’s painful. So, I guess I’m getting what I deserve. I’m really sorry, Steph. I just need you to know that.

I was speechless.

And you know what’s weird? As much as I’ve hoped, and even prayed ,that he would get a taste of his own medicine … it hurt me that he’s been hurt in that way.

The back story:

Pickle has been out of sorts the last week or so. I ended up at the emergency room with him Monday morning. Ex left work and came up for about an hour. He hardly looked at me, hardly said a word to me and it felt, completely forced and unnatural. It hurt. Then we were discussing the kids baseball schedule and he made it sound like he couldn’t attend without his girlfriend holding his hand. I, in turn, went off and told him that he must have lost his damn mind if he thought it was acceptable to put his kids behind his girlfriend and I never thought I’d see the day that he’d do that.

He confessed this morning that SHE had a bad day the other day with her ex and took it out on him. Then when she realized what she had done, she started getting really insecure about him talking to me, because she thinks he’s gonna run back to me. This also led to her reaming his ass the other day for talking to me and then for going up to the ER, because I was there, which pissed him off. Or at least that’s the story of the day.

I broke down and cried and told him that I hoped he wouldn’t let her interfere with his relationship with his kids.

Don’t cry, Stephanie,” he says, “You’ve done enough of that.”

(sigh)

God….how I wish he could have had a real epiphany about the way he treated me long ago and that things had changed… for the kids sake.

It’s too late for me.

4 thoughts on “There must be something in the air

  1. i’m glad you forgave him. i hate to admit it but doesn’t it feel like a huge weight gets lifted off your shoulders? I hope also that his situation doesn’t interfere with his time for the kids. he seems like a good man when he wants to be – and he is quite lucky that you are the mother of his children.
    ryc: you have very good comedic timing. I’ll get you the gift certificate :). thanks. it cheered me up even for a little bit.

  2. *smile* Im proud of you Steph.. You’ve been through alot with him and you forgive him.. Such closeure huh? Im glad he apologized finally.. This is good…it’s all good.

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