In an attempt to try and get the ball rolling on the child support modification, I had the attorney I work for sit down with me and go through a new child support worksheet. If you know nothing about this, basically child support is determined by a state statute or law. The law provides that both parents should be responsible for providing financial support of their children, but it looks at both parent’s income decides what the amount of support is an then divides it by a number of other factors, who is the residential parent, who makes more money, who is paying alimony, taxes, etc. I gave her the numbers to plug into the formula and come up with the calculations.
Keep in mind I am only asking for support from his NET INCOME, I am not asking for anything out of his overtime, or his side work, and I could. I provided all my income from my self-employment.
I printed out the worksheet and I give it to EX last week. He waits til Saturday to look at it. He calls me and tells me he doesn’t agree with the numbers and that he thinks it should be a lesser amount. He says that MY INCOME should be based on me working full-time at minimum wage, because Child Support and the court can 1) decrease support because they feel a mother can work more, or 2) force the mother by court order to get a different job, IF they feel the mother is unemployed or underemployed without reason.
I am a single mother to three children. One who is cognitively disabled, another who is only in half-day Kindergarten, and a preschooler. I am also self-employed part-time (about 10-12 hours a week) and I am a full-time college student. I AM NOT underemployed. In many other cases with similar situations, the judges ruled that a mother of preschooled aged children could not be forced to work full-time because the cost of daycare alone would supersede any additional income. I try explaining this to him and also explaining that if I do have to get a full time job that not only we he be forced to pay child support but also 1/2 of the childcare costs. Not to mention, of course, that if I go to work right now, it’s another big adaptation for the kids and dammit I think they’ve been through enough recently. Of course, all he says is that I’m just trying to get what I THINK I should in child support, not what I am actually owed. This also pisses me off because BELIEVE ME, I think he owes me a lot more than Child Support could ever could develop a figure for.
Jer overhears me on the phone crying, because EX is doing what he usually does which is basically accusing me of every under-sided, shady thing under the sun and then when I get upset he acts like I am psychotic and says things like, “You need to calm down, I don’t need to listen to this shit anymore, because we’re divorced” which is all for the benefit of his girlfriend. Well, Jer gets pissed because he knows that not only am I being fair, but I’ve had to push down all my pride to appease him for the last few months to ensure that I get a child support check from him every week, until the stupid Child Support Agency starts taking it out of his check automatically. Jer says, “You know what, Stephanie. Fuck him! He doesn’t believe a god damn word you say, you’re trying to give him a break and be fair and all he does is accuse you of lying and being difficult. Tell him that instead of doing that, you’ll just go back and add in all the other income he has and then you’ll go back and take out all the the expenses you can write off of your self employment and you’ll just ask the court to do with out his agreement and he can get an attorney and just fuck off.”
This in turn pisses EX off, but not at Jer … at me. He starts telling me how I’m crying to put on a show for Jer and make him feel sorry for me, to be the victim. I do what I always do and try explaining to him that no, I’m crying because I get tired of trying to do the right things and it constantly creating a big headache for me. That this is about finances and him supporting his kids and then to have him be such a hard headed ass about it, makes it even more emotional and stressful and I’m tense, and I’m crying cause it’s a release.
I don’t know why I bother.
Since then he agreed that he would sign the papers to be filed with the court and would cut me a check today when he dropped the kids off for the new amount. Then he leaves me a message saying he got his paycheck and realized that he was only gonna have about half his check from now on if he agreed to it, and he can’t make his new Jeep payment if he does that so, he doesn’t know if he can give me the money, then when I tried to call him back and get an answer out of him one way or the other.
Do you see what it is like?
In the meantime, I have bills due that I am counting on this money to be able to pay. I told them I would pay it Tuesday because my he was supposed to give me a check Friday. And it’s a never-fucking ending circle of stress and bullshit.
I loathe him.
edit: On his way to drop the kids off he calls me and tells me he’s bringing me cash but he wants a receipt. I ask him if he’s going to be able to talk and he says “No, I’m not alone”. (snort) It never ends but, he gave me the money and I gave him a receipt and he says he will sign the child support modification papers, have them notarized and return them to me Tuesday, so I can file them when I go downtown to the courthouse Wednesday for work.
Wonder what changed his mind so fast?
I’ll believe it when I see it.