This is how it happens.

It’s always a little thing like this.

I call the pharmacy for refills on Pickle’s seizure meds last night, no biggie. Jer runs up to get them for me and they didn’t fill the one. Seems medical insurance companies can do this. They can pay for a medication one month, they won’t pay for it the next month. But, this is anti-seizure medication. It’s not like the kid can go without it, right? I’m annoyed. I call the pharmacy. She is equally annoyed with said insurance company and very sympathetic to my cause. She will make phone calls to help in the morning, as will I. I make a mental list in my head of who I need to call to get this taken care of before his medication runs out in three days. This is course is the reason why I always call these things in a few days in advance. It’s another one of the small things I do, without notice. And as I’m standing there in the kitchen with his four prescription bottles in my hand, I lost it. I was angry. I was hurt. I was 10 different emotions at once.

How does this happen? How do you step up in a child’s life, take that child in as your own and adopt that child as your own responsibility for the rest of your life, to have the child’s father… totally unappreciate it, disregard it, and then cast you aside and move on? To me, this is a huge thing to do. If for some unforeseen reason The ex wasn’t a part of our children’s life anymore and a man stepped up to the plate and took care of them and got them the help that Pickle has required, I would be forever grateful and appreciative. Everything else would pale in comparison. But, I guess it’s ludicrous to except a blind man to see…well, anything.

But what about everyone else? What about all those who have taken his “side” and support him…who believe I was this heartless bitch who fucked him over? How can they believe that considering … everything?

It hurts. It makes things seem futile.

But, It’s not about it me, I know that.  It’s just a moment and an emotion I wanted to express.

This is about Pickle. If it wasn’t, if it were about the ex or me, I would’ve walked away years ago and let whatever was gonna happen with Pickle happen. If I had known how all the chips were gonna fall in the end, I still would’ve done the same thing. I still would’ve stood up for him, helped him and loved him as my own. It’s horrifying to me to think where he would be and what his life would be like if I hadn’t. I AM GRATEFUL to have him in my life and for the lessons he has taught me. I’ll forever be grateful to my own parents and family for accepting him as my own as well and not treating him any different from my biological children.

Maybe that is it’s own legacy of love.

5 thoughts on “This is how it happens.

  1. Yes. I have always thought everything you have done for Devon has been nothing short of amazing. 99% of people would not do that because of their own selfish desires. Devon will always love and appreciate for the life you have made for him. I love you…

  2. I don’t know your full story but I am assuming Devon is not your biological child? Props to you. I admit it, I could never ever raise somebody else’s child. For that matter I don’t even want children of my own so that kind of blurs my judgement… but if I know people who have stepchildren and it’s obvious that they feel differently about their steps, than they do their own. It’s sad. That’s why I would never attempt to do such a thing.

  3. your awesome. that is good that chris let you have devon, my hub always threatens to keep brittnay and last year when  i left he wouldn’t even let me see her. she is most of the reason that i stay,  cause i don’t want her to be left with him.

    hugs to you.
    i hope his meds get fixed and soon.

  4. Know why your family accepts him?  Because you do.  Because no matter what, he’s yours.  He’s your son.  He probably has been since the day you met him.  And your family is very in tune with how you are, with what you’ve taken on, and they accept that.  Be proud to be from them.  He’ll have a better life as your son than he ever would have without you.  You’re a great mom.  I’d ask you to adopt me if I didn’t have kick ass parents already, and, you know, if I wasn’t a year and a half younger than you… 

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