this is what i’m tired of.

I’m online last night and started chatting with my ex, James. He starts asking me about Jer and how things are going. I say Jer is everything wonderful about anyone who came before and everything that was missing and then the lecture ensues. Slow down, take my time, take a step back, how much do I really know about this guy, Im gonna get too serious too fast and then he’ll reveal his true colors, Im going to get hurt, I am hurt, I am vulnerable, I have a lot to lose, I need to protect myself, I’m not thinking clearly.
(sigh)

I get it. People have watched me go through a lot. People want to protect me. People have their beliefs and their opinions. Truly, I respect and appreciate that. But I’m frustrated as hell. I feel like Im damned if i do and Im damned if I don’t. If I do move forward with Jer, Im gonna be happy and people will question me and him and it. The above conversations will continue and nothing but time will prove anything different. If I don’t continue with Jer because I let my past dictate my decision making, I’ll lose the best thing that ever happened to me. I could wait forever and not find him, or this, again.

He is so good to me. He is so good to my kids. and I just wish people would be happy for me.
I understand that my Ex just left psychically a little over a month ago, but he was gone long before that. I know I only filed for divorce two months ago, but my marriage was over long before that and I’ve been alone WAY longer. I wasn’t looking for this. It’s not the right time and I don’t know if I’m ready. But as my best friend said it is never really too soon to be happy. Do I have to question this wonderful man because of the horrible wrongs of another? Can I hope and trust, without people feeling the need to CORRECT me for it???

I hear people talking, but I guess I’m done listening. Mayybe they see that as naive, but my eyes are wide open. I know what I know and that’s the best I can do.
SO, what is a girl to do in this situation?                         Find an ex-girlfriend!
That’s right. I did it. I found Jer’s ex on Myspace and sent her a message. I know, I know, but he told me he understood why I did it and that he actually respected me for doing it. SO take that, haters.

This is what i wrote:
Hi R*,
I know you don’t know me and this might seem kinda strange, but I’m hoping as a mother that you will understand where I’m coming from and take the time to respond in a cordial manner.
My name is Stephanie and what we have in common is Jer. I met him about a month ago and things have really taken off between the two of us. Which you probably don’t care about…lol, I understand.
Anyways… I’m writing you to ask you…. well, in more or less words, what the hell is wrong with him? I mean that in the nicest way. Seriously though, I can’t find a thing wrong with him and THAT freaks me out. I keep waiting for him to do something weird that will set me off, but after a month, I still can’t find a thing about him that bothers me. Plus, I am a mother and I know you have a son. I was just wondering, in his relationship with you, how was he with your son? Was there anything that concerned you about him in that respect?
I know this is weird, but I just had to ask.
And yes, I did tell him I was going to write you, so I’m not doing this behind his back or trying to start shit. I’m a laid back girl who has been through a lot of shit and I’m just trying to protect myself and my children.
I’d really appreciate your response.
and almost immediately she wrote back…..
even if you didn’t ask him first i would understand you asking me. when you are a mom your kids are more important then anything. but there is really nothing wrong with him, he was great to N* . he played with him. he would watch him sometimes for me to go out and everything. when we first moved in together i had a bit of a problem with him being so friendly with his ex, Jenny, and i thought oh great this is going to ruin everything but i realized she is just a good friend to him and i accepted that. i never thought you could be friends with an ex but Jer is a different kind of guy. i still feel like i can call him just to say hi, how are you doing (and i am seeing someone so please don’t think i would ever call him other then to be friendly) but as far as you and him go, let your guard down. he is really a great guy. and really good with kids. he was really good to back me up with my son when i would tell him something and my son loved him. the reason we broke up was completely my fault. i was just scared and i could not let my guard down for some reason. i am very happy that he found someone that is good to him and i hope you guys do good by each other. and if you ever want to know anything or have any questions please feel free to email me again.

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