We had to go shopping for funeral clothes tonight. I don’t care what anybody says… buying new heels, not only raises your height, but also your spirits. I know it’s stupid, but really, I think it made us feel better. We also went to dinner afterwards and I got her to not only smile, a real genuine smile, but I also got a good laugh out of her. That was a welcome thing.
When I finally got home last night and crawled in bed, I lost it. I just sobbed. As I was laying there, it struck me how absolutely bizarre it is at how accustomed I have become in dealing with things, like pain and grief, on my own. I really wish I could say that I missed him and that if he had been here he would’ve held me and comforted me… but I doubt it. There were so many time he wasn’t. In fact, more times than he ever was. I also realized that my girlfriend is in the same boat.
She was talking to me today about how sad it is that now is when her ex husband was actually able to genuinely open up to her. All of this happening has only strengthened my belief that family and friends, I mean REAL friends, is all you really can depend on in life. You just never know when your time will be up, so you should make the most of it by investing in these things. Your children, your family, your friends, is what carries little pieces of you on forever. I just hope he gets that before it’s too late. It’s already too late for us, but you know, the kids. It’s just all so obviously pathetic how all the things that he has put before his family…really mean nothing in the grand scheme of things.
Just think about it…. if you died tomorrow…your money would be depleted, your accounts closed, your job would find a replacement, your things would all be boxed away somewhere, all your “fair-weathered” friends, the people you can only share good times with, would MAYBE shed a tear and move on…. but your family…..your REAL friends…your kids….would be devastated and changed forever.
Just something to think about.
“All men and women are born, live and die.
What distinguishes us one from another is our dreams, whether they be dreams about worldly or unworldly things, and what we do to make them come about…
We do not choose to be born. We do not choose our parents. We do not choose our historical epoch, the country of our birth, or the immediate circumstances of our upbringing. We do not, most of us, choose to die; nor do we choose the time and conditions of our death.
But within this realm of choicelessness, we do choose how we live.”