emotional weekend

i’ll be so glad when this roller coaster ride is over.

friday…. we ordered pizza and wings for dinner. we were supposed to watch a movie. it seemed as though we were going to be civil. then he started asking me what had happened with my attorney. he wasn’t happy that i had filed for divorce. correction, he didn’t get upset, no sadness. he just got pissy. started running his mouth to me. he said some really shitty things. he implied a lot of things that i didn’t appreciate at all and only made me further affirm that i had made the right decision. then, he decided to tell me that he was considering taking our oldest son with him. of course, as momma bear, this set me off. his response, after he had promised me he wouldn’t do this anymore, was to get on the phone with his brother and start talking about me right in front of me. letting me hear what his brother was saying and giving me a really smug smile. i reacted. i shouldn’t have but, i had had all i could take. i went off about how his brother really doesn’t give a shit about him or the kids. where has he been for 6 years. how interesting it was that when he and his fiance broke up a couple months ago, that he made sure to tell everyone what the counselor had said about HER as if it were gospel, but didn’t ask what our counselor had said to his brother. he asked me if i wanted to talk to him and i said no, just to tell him that as long as i drew breath, i wouldn’t forget his part in destroying my family. to make matters worse, his brother, who knows everything and nothing at the same time, decides to go call my mommy and daddy and tattle on me. my dad called me to check on me and asked what was going on. i told him that i had gone off, i had been cussing like a bad girl and yes, the kids were here, but it was after i had been threatened with having my son taken away and after he had purposely called and gotten his brother involved to set me off. then i cried to my dad for about an hour, telling him that i don’t want to be angry, but that it’s just a defense to how hurt i am.

saturday was rough. we went to my mother in law’s to see her friend whose husband just committed suicide. it was just really emotional and we all cried and laughed and remembered better days. then my mother in law wanted me to show her friend this dvd of pictures we had made her for her 50th birthday. it had pictures of all her kids growing up and then there were pictures of all of us now. when we got married, when the kids were born, all of us toasting at a thanksgiving dinner … it was hard to watch. part of me wonders if she did this on purpose. when we finally left, i was emotionally drained. in the car on the way home, he turned to me and commented about how hard it had been for him to watch that dvd and how you forget about all the memories sometimes. we went to dinner with the kids and had a pretty good time, laughing at them and being a family. this is also bittersweet. i came home and took a shower and laid down for a little bit. i woke up to him with his arms wrapped around me, talking his sweet nothings. he knows all the right things to say, it’s just always a little too late. i didn’t respond.

i went out saturday night with my girlfriend since it is “his weekend”. this too was weird. we got hit on by drunk old guys, who got a little too touchy feely for our liking. so we bailed and went to a couple other bars, had some good laughs with the bartenders, saw two bar fights, made a trip to taco bell which led to us laughing so hard at each other that we couldn’t get our order out. for some reason the words: cheesy gordita crunch – are really hard to say when you’ve got a buzz on. they’re just funny. guess you had to be there. we went back to her place and did the whole jammies and girl talk thing. i do adore her.

sunday- she made me spam and eggs and coffee. it was simple and really good. surprisingly we didn’t’ have a hangover and were feeling pretty darn spiffy. after more girl talk and catching up on world affairs and the flavor of love 2, i grudgingly got dressed and left. my mother in law lives about a block away so i stopped by to check on her. having spent a week with her grieving girlfriend, she’s exhausted and i felt bad for both of them. we had a cup of coffee together and i bolted when my sister in law showed up. got home. he told me that he had actually missed me. he said it as if it were surprising to him. weird. got lots of hugs from the kids. we decided to enjoy the nice weather and take the Jeep out with the top down. our oldest son started telling his dad how he needed to be nicer and act more like me and then we would get along much better. he told him that he does “too much stuff the opposite“. he said “mommy cleans and you make a mess, mommy stays home with us all the time and you’re always gone“. ahhh, the things kids say. picked up some stuff to cook out. had one of the kids’ friends over. had a pretty good time. then we sat down to do the bills. this would be his first time doing it … ever. we’re trying to split our stuff up so, it wasn’t fun. i swear the guy needs you to hold his hand to do anything, but yet- he’s “the man”. it’s just annoying. we pretty much just avoided each other after that. he slept on the couch, i slept alone in the bed and things have moved on in their robotic way.

i think he’s going to be served with divorce papers at work today. should make for an interesting evening.

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