A lot has changed for me over the last few months. It’s been difficult and extremely painful, but….worth it. What I mean is, that while taking inventory of yourself and your life and being accountable for things is painful at times, it leads to this beautiful breakthrough to understanding yourself.
For me the hardest thing to understand was how people had gotten this fucked up perception of me that seemed so far off of who I felt I was. I felt like a victim. I felt constantly misunderstood. I would wonder how people got this idea, where it was coming from. How did people look at me and see a bitch when inside I knew there was this genuine girl with a heart full of concern and care? How did people actually think that I treated my
husband badly when I loved him more than words could say?
But the truth is that none of that was coming through, because I was angry. People always thought I was mad, because well, I was. I had become bitter and my bitterness clouded everything else. On top of that, because I had been too prideful to be honest with others, it wasn’t seen as bitterness, it was seen as a definitive part of who I was. I’ll own that. Had I been more honest, had I not have been so concerned with not looking like a fool, I might not have become so bitter….I might not have had to suffer alone.
There isn’t much I can do about any of this now. Surely, this has shaped things to this point, but I do have a choice to not let it shape things into the future.
You know that old saying….”don’t judge a book by it’s cover“? There is truth to that. The thing I can take away from this, is that I now hear a lot more of what’s not being said. I am overly aware of the “real” behind the “facade”. And I share this because I want everyone to take a little more time to listen. Really listen to people, without thinking about what you’re going to say next or what they might want you to say. Just listen.
“Really listening and suspending one’s own judgement is necessary in order to truly understand other people in their own terms.”