it makes no sense

so he called around 11 and told me he was on his way home.

he crawled into bed and started talking to me, though i was barely awake. he told me he had only had 3 beers so that he could come home. told him that was good. he rolled towards me and started rubbing my back, which led to him rubbing my ass, which led to him trying to take my underwear off and then i stopped him.

he said, you don’t want any?” and i just told  him i was tired. “you’re loss.” he said and with that he rolled over and went to sleep.

i laid there staring at the wall for hours. wondering what the hell to make of all of this? is he serious? just what – 4 days ago, he’s telling me we need to start figuring out how we’re gonna split up and leaves, has to go to his one brother’s house and run his mouth there, then he must have gone to his other’s brother’s and explained his take on the situation to him and his wife so they would let him stay there and now i’m supposed to be thrilled at the chance to have sex with him? i just don’t get it. what am i supposed to do? i want to have sex, i want to have sex with him, but at the same time i don’t. i don’t feel like he loves me or respects me and it just makes it all feel so empty.

then this morning he sees me walking around in my t-shirt and underwear and let’s me know that he’s getting turned on and that we’ll have to have sex, “by the end of the month.” i mean, jesus, i don’t know if he’s gonna be home from one night to the next and now he’s giving me a timeframe and planning on having sex with me in the next two weeks?

i called him around noon to see if he was coming here tonight and what he thought we should do for dinner…he answers the phone all chipper and “hey baby, how are you?

………………………………………….

somebody actually asked me yesterday if i thought he was using drugs because they think he just looks different and weird. everybody says he has changed, even his own mother. maybe it’s just his true colors shining through. whatever it is, it makes no sense … none at all.

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