Focus on the positive

Our marriage counselor keeps telling me to focus on the positive.

Positive….hmmmm…..

My husband took me and the kids to dinner last night for my birthday. He also bought me the “50 First Dates” soundtrack, because it has his song to me on it and I could listen to it on my drive down to Virginia today. We came home and had birthday cake with the kids and my Dad. It was nice.

I guess what I shouldn’t say is…..

I choose a restaurant that was cheaper than where I would have preferred to have gone on my birthday and I ordered one daiquri in the interest of saving money. Husband’s dinner and his bar tab ended up being more than me and the kids meals combined. I had to get up and take all the kids to the bathroom by myself, because he still needed to finish his beer. Then after dinner I had to drive us all home, because after his beer (the equivlent of drinking at 6 pack) I didn’t feel like it was such a good idea for him to drive.

I probably also shouldn’t mention that the CD was my idea, because it was cheap and somewhat sentimental. I mentioned it to him last weekend while I was out of town. Last night after dinner, we were riding home and one of my CDs in the car skipped, I cursed and said I needed some new CDs, which is when he drops the bomb that he WAS gonna get me the soundtrack tomorrow.  He asks if I wanna stop by the store and get it. Not thinking it would be fun to do with 3 kids who are up past their bedtime. So, I run into Wal-Mart by myself, purchase the CD on my credit card. I start opening it on the way to the car, I get in, he grabs it out of my hand, hands it back and says, “Happy Birthday, honey.”

We get home and I have to pick up and prepare for my Dad to come over for cake. The cake my Dad gave me the money for and I had to go out and buy with all the kidsin tow earlier in the day. I have to get it out of the freezer, dig out a candle, get plates, forks, napkins and a knife all out and prepared. I struggle to cut the cake and he finally asks if I would like some help. He cuts it and serves everyone else, including himself, before giving me a slice. After my Dad leaves…I clean up. He put the kids to bed and got in bed himself and passed out while I stayed up and did the dishes and cried over the sink.

Did I mention that I spent more on booking his last minute camping trip with the boys for this weekend on my credit card, than I spent on my whole birthday extravaganza?!?!? In the meantime,  I’m trying to pinch pennies while I’m gone with this weekend in Virginia because he couldn’t “sit at home”.

(sigh)

Sometimes, it’s really, really  REALLY fuckin hard to find the positive.

Now, if you’ll excuse me I must go clean up a whole glass of milk that Jedi spilt on the floor and I’m not gonna cry about it.

6 thoughts on “Focus on the positive

  1. I’m sorry babe.  He’s so inconsiderate and I want to kick him in the teeth.  Ok maybe just the nuts… no permanent damage… well less of a chance of permanent damage.

  2. Reminds me a lot of the post I wrote last year about always taking the burnt toast and giving your family the “good pieces” instead. Do you remember that one? Honey… you deserve the good toast.

  3. Hey girl. I wish you lived closer so we could actually hang out. Sometimes it feels good to verbally vent out over a couple drinks, kwim? Personally, I think the guy’s a jerk. He verbally abuses you, isn’t emotionally/ mentally supportive and doesn’t seem to have many pros compared to his cons, if that makes sense.
    I can’t believe he couldn’t even get out of the freaking car to go get you your gift. (then again, last year Tom forgot to get me a bday gift. After 2 weeks of nagging, he told me he was going to get el pollo loco and I asked for a side of pinto beans. He came back with roses and beans. Sweet, but still 2 weeks late.)
    I know I don’t know your husband, but from what I’ve read, it just seems like he’s trying to hurt you on purpose. He tries to make you feel bad, to put you down, to make you feel less them him in order to make himself feel better, which is unbelievably selfish, juvenile, self-centered and neglectful. By ignoring your feelings (and on purpose too, because he is a grown man and he knows right from wrong), it’s like he’s trying to suffocate the wonderful spirit in you. Sounds very Dr. Phil, I know, but it’s just the way it sounds to me (but then again, what do I know?)
    Lots of love for you girl.
    *Miranda

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