HIs night out

My husband went out with a friend after work tonight to check out his place for awhile. he gets off at 4:30. i called and asked him around 5 if he knew what time he would be home or was he just playing it by ear? i don’t really get a time, i get ” a couple hours”. he calls me around 7:30, tells me guy’s girlfriend showed up and acts like his brother’s wife, she’s a teacher too, he’s trying to get some insight into their relationship. im like ok whatever. he gets home at 10:30. he smells of alcohol really heavily. he doesn’t even come up to tell me he’s home. he pops popcorn and sits in the recliner. when i go down and say “hi! welcome home!” he starts to tell me that he’s sorry, the guy and his girlfriend got into an argument and he was trying to mediate. really? (eyeroll) i ask why he didn’t come up and tell me he was home and he says because of this, no matter what i do, you’re pissed, i can’t have anytime to myself.

You know what? it doesn’t even matter. the gist of it is that he does nothing wrong and basically i get bent out of shape over nothing.

Im so tired of talking about his drinking. he kept saying i’m not drunk, i’m not drunk and he totally doesn’t get that’s not the point. that shouldn’t have had as much as he did and gotten behind the wheel. how much he risks everytime he does it. fuck, whether or not im being overly dramatic or whatever he wants to call it. if you kept doing the same thing and it had the same effect (i.e. drinking causes friction with your wife) wouldn’t you stop doing it. hello! duh! you’ve already been divorced once and drinking had something to do with that too.

It evolved into many other things as our arguments always do.

God, i’m just so tired of it. fuck….if  he wants time to himself and wants to drink all the time…that’s exactly what he’s gonna get.

I don’t know how things got to this point.

Actually if i was honest…it’s always been this way, i guess i just used to accept it, but my reasoning for that is beyond my comprehension right now.

I don’t even know where to begin.

I know things are about to change, big time. i’m beyond frustrated and hurt right now. im searching for words that just don’t come.

Thee other thing thats really weighing on my mind is my cousin’s baby shower. i really want to go, i’ve been planning to go. the plan was to take diva with me and leave the boys’ here and they would go camping for the weekend. im really starting to wonder if i can trust him. i just keep envisioning him drunk at a campsite by the lake, passing out, and one of the boys or both of them getting in the water, or wandering off without him being aware and something horrible happening.

You don’t know how infuriated it makes me, that i even wrote that or that its a real concern.

4 thoughts on “HIs night out

  1. one definition of crazy that’s always stuck with me is this…
    repeating the same actions over and over again and expecting a different outcome.
    I know how it is to want him to change.  To need desperately for him to do something different, just to make you feel like you’re not banging your head on the wall.  I understand.  But you need to do something than talk when it comes to this.  Ignore, leave, scream, do whatever it takes.  Just stop talking because you’re going to make yourself nuts saying the same thing over and over again.

  2. UGH the cycle has started over again. its gotta be so frustrating for you honey. When will it end?
    when he said this…. “no matter what i do, you’re pissed, i can’t have anytime to myself. ” I bet it really hurt b/c not only is it untrue, but its soooo backwards! You do everything for that man, which he’d appreciate it more often!

  3. You have every right to be upset that you thought that and that it could be true.  It has to be so devastating  not to be able to fully trust your husband.  That’s awful.
    I’m so sorry.

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