With friends like these…

Well now another “friend” is lost and I am, well confused for one, but just fed up.

The story goes like this:

About two weeks ago, it was my best friend, Bevis’, birthday. We had made plans to go out week ahead of time, but I like the dumdum I am sometimes, forgot with everything that has been going on. However, I did mention it to the husband well in advance, as I do so that it’s not a last-minute issue.  So, she called me that day and started asking me what we should do the next night and updated me on how our outing of 12 girls had dwindled to 3. Me, Bevis and her sister, who I am also friends with. I said that there was a band playing downtown with their new singer and that I wanted to check them out and asked if she wanted to go. She agreed. We schedule a time to meet up. I tell her I’m gonna see if Crazie can go. I got off the phone, called my friend Crazie, to see if she was going to see the band, because she frequents this bar anyways, but she was at a birthday party and said she would call me back. A few hours passed, I called her agin, but got her voicemail. I don’t leave a message. I decide to send her a text message, figuring she might still be at the party. Text says, “How you doin?” (this should be said like Joey on Friends) She didn’t respond. So I figure I would see her there, not a big deal. We get to the bar, which Crazie’s friend owns and I talk to her a bit, ask her if she’s heard from Crazie. She tells me Crazie is coming up later. I text Crazie again telling her I’m at the bar. No response. I go talk to her friend again, I tell her I tried to call her, text her, but hadn’t heard back from her. She said she had just talked to her and that she would be up a little after 11cause her sister was gonna watch her kids when she got off work so she could come up. Crazie calls her while I’m standing there and she walks outside so she can hear her. Around midnight we decide we’re gonna go back to Bevis’ place. I look around for the friend to tell her were heading out but I can’t find her. I go to Bevis’ and we get in our jammies, talk and chill out.

try to call Crazie’s house a couple times the next day since my attempts to her cell aren’t working and get no response. I leave her another message on her voicemail, telling her I’m a little worried, I expected to see her the night before and she didn’t show. I get on to my computer for my class that evening and she sends me an IM. I ask what happened to her, she says nothing, I tell her that I went to the bar and thought she would come and that her friend told me she would. She says she changed her mind. I again asked what happened. Nothing, she just changed her mind, she says. I tell her I tried to call her and text her about going up and she makes some comment about how it’s nice that I got to go out with Bevis, because it never seems to work with her.

This is when I said Ohhhhhhhh. It was my AHA moment when I finally figured out what was going on. I was annoyed.  I let her know.  I told her she knew where to find me when she was done because I wasn’t gonna do this with her and that I had enough drama going on right now.

First of all, Crazie goes out just about every weekend and some times during the week. I’m not saying there’s anything wrong with that. She’s a single mother, she works long days, has no help with the kids, I say she’s earned some down time, BUT I’m not in the same situation. Even if I could go out every weekend, if there wasn’t something else going on, if I could find a sitter, if I could afford to pay a sitter AND fund my night out as well, I still wouldn’t want to. I’m not a partier. When I went out with Bevis on her birthday, I had 1…ONE drink. Secondly, I have another issue. Crazie seems to think that it involves obtaining permission from my husband about who I can and can’t go out with, and I admit, I do say sometimes say….”if I’m allowed“. But really it’s: a) that I don’t think it’s fair for me to go out if husband can’t and b) even if husband and I arrange it so that he can go out the next night. I’m a basketcase worrying about him going out drinking excessively and getting behind the wheel of a car. It’s not really worth it to me and honestly, I don’t have any real qualms with not going out all the time. Most of time, when things between husband and I are going good, I’d prefer to be with him. He works all the time, when we get down time, I like to share it with him. I like my family and I like being home with them.

I tried to call her a few days later and got no answer, I leave her a message asking her to let me know if she is going to replace the snack I had bought for my son’s baseball team and given to her for her son’s soccer team, because I was on snack duty this weekend and that one of her daughter’s jackets was at my house. I text her and tell her it would be nice if she wouldn’t just assume the worst about me and that I could have really used a friend that day. (This was the day that I had to take Pickle to Children’s for his renal ultrasound because now there is a problem with his kidneys. Whole other story I’ve been avoiding) She texts me back and says that she’s sorry to hear that and that it seems she just doesn’t get any breaks from my husband. She says that she asks and asks me to do stuff but I don’t do anything. And that she’s sad about it. (I go out with her about once or twice a month) I text back telling her she doesn’t really understand, that it’s not just about her, it’s about everybody. She responds that I get out with my other friends. I tell her it was one time and I tried to call her. And that was it. A few days later I log into myspace and go to her site to leave her a comment wishing her good luck when her husband visits (they are estranged) and see that she has removed me from her Top 8. Newsweek!lol. This honestly baffled me. I still don’t  understand it.  Friday I get home to find the snacks sitting by my door. I go to her house and drop off her daughter’s jacket. I text her and let her know I dropped it off.  She texts back thank-you.

Couple more days pass and I IM her and ask her how it had gone when her husband came to visit the kids. She says he is still there. I ask her if she went on her trip (she was supposed to go out of town while he was here) she says no and signs off.

Today I logged into myspace and am looking through my friends’ list to find one of my friends’ birthday and I notice Crazie’s not there. Now she has completely removed me from her friend’s list. (Is it just me or is this the stupidest, middle school, petty shit you’ve ever heard?)(sigh) At this point, I’m really irritated. I IM her and ask her if she has a minute. She says she’s wrapping things up at work, yet I can see she’s on myspace. So I just tell her to forget it and I made some snide remark like that was easy for her to do anyways. Then she wants to talk so I ask her what exactly the problem is, and that I didn’t do a damn thing to her, she starts in about me being able to go out with Bevis and not her because of my husband. I tell her she’s just making stuff up and it seems really conveinent now that I really need her to be there for me. She denies it. Starts telling me that I always have drama. There is drama with husband and his family and saying it’s never me, it’s never my family, we’re perfect, and asks if I see pattern. I ask her what are you talking about? You’re just saying whatever you have to to not have to be responsible and to make it ok for you to take advantage. I start talking about her pattern of taking advantage of people, that this is what she did in her marriage and with buying her house (the owner felt bad for Crazie becasue she’s a single Mom, took her lower bid AND was gonna play closing costs to help her out and Crazie was finding ways to pin more stuff on the owner as closing went on, i.e. her first year’s homeowner’s insurance) This pisses her off and she says well if you wanna dig and talk about taking advantage what about inviting her for a cookout and then asking her to bring my husband’s beer and smores and chips. This pisses me off because it was HER idea to have a cook-out, I told her we were thinking about it, she offered to bring something, I said chips and dip. She said she would bring something to drink for us, I asked her to get beer for him, I gave her the $3 I had towards it. I called her a while later and told her I thought of something else she could get, just because she was stopping by the store and I wasn’t, paper plates and maybe a snack. Keep in mind, I’m providing all the hamburgers, hot dogs, condiments, drinks and venue for my family and her and her kids. The only other thing she could be talking about is the first time we cooked out and  it was last minute, she stopped by, I invited her to stay and we went out to get stuff for smores and beer….she paid for smores, I paid for beer. None of this really makes sense and as I’m asking her what the she’s talking about and that I have no idea what she’s referencing to. She says at least now she knows what I really think of her. I start telling her, excuse me…you were the one who personally attacked me about “patterns” and she signs off. I of course call her, she won’t answer, i leave her a message telling her I think it’s crap that she can’t say anything TO me except through IM and text. She texts me and says she’s at work, so I called her at work.  I start telling her that I don’t understand why she’s doing all this to me, which she explains is my fault because I was shitty to her all week in my messages about replacing the snack. I tell her she’s full of it, that I had been calling her and she wouldn’t answer, I had text her and didn’t understand what the problem was or if there really was one. She starts talking about how I can go out with everyone but her again…..I tell her I CALLED YOU, I TEXT YOU, YOU DIDN’T ANSWER ME. She starts telling me I didn’t do it until I got there, yada yada yada…and I’m thinking….#1 shouldn’t she know me better than to think I would do something like this, #2 what would be my reasosning for doing something like this to someone I THOUGHT was my best friend anyways and #3 why didn’t SHE JUST TALK TO ME ABOUT IT instead of assuming the worst?

This all so petty and stupid that right now I have to give Matilda a little bit of credit for having somewhat, SOMEwhat more of a reason for being mad because she thought I was befriending her ex-husband,. IF it had been close to true, it would have been a better reason.  I didn’t say it wasn’t absurd, I’m just saying in comparision to the pettiness of this situation, it’s a LITTLE better of a reason to be obnoxious and immature.

Can someone tell me where all these people took the turn off on the road of life that granted them middle school like behavior and selfishness forever?

I somehow have to let this go. It’s stupid.

4 thoughts on “With friends like these…

  1. i don’t know why people act like that. it’s extremely hurtful to me especially if they are as close as they say they are to me. stay strong Steph; perhaps more dialogue between you and your friend can help uncover hidden issues that may have caused this.

  2. honestly i dont know why people act this way either, Steph..but i understand a whole lot more then you might think. I have been in a similar situation with a “friend” lately, and i was left completely hurt, baffled and confused as to they why’s.
    All i can say is that sometimes there are just people out there that appear to be selfish. I am not saying their bad people, they are just consumed with self. Its like they want to roll around in pity so they assume the worst of people and cause stupid fights/situations that tend to just bowl you over if you are the one on the recieving end.
    And in those situations, sometimes you have to cut your losses. For the most part i am a very forgiving person. If some time passes and that person appears to really be sorry for their actions and want to move forward, then i am cool with it. I woudnt neccesarily even expect an apology, if i could tell the person genuinly did realize what they did was wrong. However, if its a repeated pattern and the person just wants to walk away without you in their life and doesnt seem to care that the friendship has been hurt then the only thing and the best thing you can do is hold your head up high and walk away. Trust that you have real friends out there who do care about you and rely on those friends.
    i am going to send you an email through xanga. Look for it.
    -love you,ALICE

  3. what a ridiculous pain in the ass…
    breathe in, breathe out… take it slow.  yes, darling you can get over this.  It’ll be easier than you think.

  4. Selfishness sucks.  I have a friend who was so unbelievably selfish toward everyone – she had done this for so long and eventually I got sick of it.  I ended it then and there.  We had been friends for 8 years.  Since 9th grade, and it was one simple IM she sent me that threw me over the edge.  She wanted me to lie to her current bf about going to lunch with her ex-bf.  At that moment I was done.  I told her no.  Stopped taking her calls and didn’t return her emails.  We were through.  As much as it sucked, I didn’t need that drama in my life.
    I don’t know if your drama with Christine is new or if it’s been going on for a while, but you have enough going on in your life with your family that you don’t need her making it any more complicated. 
    On the flip side, has something changed in her life lately?  Maybe she’s hit a rough patch and is taking it out on others.  Maybe a nice afternoon over a cup of coffee is all she needs to make it better.  Like I said… I don’t know the full situation, but you need to do what’s best for you, and if she’s been doing this to you for a while, it may be time to take some time.
    Much love and much luck,
    Amanda

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