I’m in the process of writing a lengthy legal ethics essay regarding what to do if a client were to confess a crime to me. I’ve been reading tiny print in ethical codes and disciplinary guidelines. It’s a little monotonous, but it’s a welcome distraction from all the stuff playing out in my head.
I’ve been quite bitter lately. Darryl, tells me that I’m more than entitled to be pissed off and feel cheated and that I should promptly tell anyone who thinks I should just “get over it” to “f*ck off.”
Do you have any idea what’s like to be do so much for a man to have him completely take it all for granted and throw how much he doesn’t care in your face over and over again? I don’t except special credit for it, but a little respect would be nice.
It pisses me off that he says he wants to work on things, but continues to contradict that with everything he does. He went out last night after work with his rich, womanizing boss. I’m sure he’s a good influence. I was home, made dinner for me and the kids, we sat down and ate without him. I was much less stressed without him around. Me and the kids played out in the yard for about an hour. I gave them all baths, snacks and tucked them. I missed one of my seminars for school. He came home buzzed…again. Actions speak louder than words, buddy. In fact, they SCREAM at me right now.
I’m beginning to wonder if counseling is going to do anything except draw out the inevitable. He seems to think it will help, because I will “see the light”. I seem to think it will just further validate my theory that he is “in the dark”.
(sigh) It hurts. It does…I admit it. I feel like I might cry and the tears just don’t come. This is just not at all what I wanted for my life, our my children’s lives.
I’m most grateful for those of you who have been uplifting to me. Lindsey, thank-you for your card. Nicki, thanks for listening and being supportive, no matter what I choose to do. Jen, thanks for “protecting” me. Michael, for giving me hope that there are still decent men out there who will let a woman flourish as is. Amanda, for seeing me without “seeing” me. Kelli Jo, as always thanks for validating my thoughts and feelings.
It’s nice to have support that I can rely. It means a lot to me. Even if I can’t get the physical hug, I feel it.