How self-involved and petty people can be.
I now understand why there are people who shut-down emotionally, put up walls around themselves and watch out for ONLY themselves. You almost have to. There is no loyalty at all. People will use you for all that you’re worth, find any petty excuse to not have to return the favor, toss you aside, leave you for dead and never give it a second thought. It’s jaw dropping to me because I have a heart, but I’m beginning to see that isn’t the case universally. I’m beginning to wonder if this is somewhat of a phenomenon here in Ohio. Wonder if it’s something in the water? I don’t know but, I promise, I could never be as judgmental, back stabbing and catty as those I’ve had the obscene pleasure of dealing with lately and I don’t want to sink to that level. I will do no harm, but I will take no shit. I am done making excuses. I’m done dealing with it.
I’ve realized most recently that a lot of people don’t see you for who YOU are, they see you for what THEY are. I generally give people the benefit of the doubt, I try to understand where they might be coming from, I had always assumed that people were generally good, but make bad choices because that’s how I AM. THEY are suspicious of everyone, assuming that people are judging them and talking about them behind their back, that people are going out of their way to make things harder on them. Why? Because that’s what THEY do.
Free advice: If you are a good person, and you try to do good deeds for others…..don’t expect shit in return. Don’t assume that good things will happen to you in return. Just be yourself because it’s who you are, watch your back and when somebody shows you who they REALLY are…believe them.
In the meantime, I have been soaking in my children’s good nature and innocence. I’ve switched my focus to someplace it is actually needed. We’ve been spending a lot of time coloring, drawing, taking walks to the park, going for bike rides, taking little day excursions to the pool with my friend Bev and her kids and we even went to the zoo. My children are wonderful people. I like them as people. I can only hope that they will continue to flourish as they get older and won’t let hellbent pessimist deter them.