zoo

Friday- I took the kids to the zoo most of the afternoon. My husband kept calling me to “talk” while we were there. This Picture of Diva talking to him pretty much captures my own feelings about it too.

zoo

ON the way home I stopped and got some A1sauce so we could have steaks on the grill.  I got a 6pack of TWISTED TEA for us to split. I figure this would give him enough to relax, but not get drunk.  Was looking forward to a drama-free weekend. I asked him if he felt like cooking on the grill, cause I could just fry the steaks in a skillet. He told me they would be better on the grill. When I told him I had got twisted tea for us to split, he told me he didn’t like them and went to get beer.  I had one twisted tea. He started drinking….I asked  him to stop after 5 beers. We put the kids to bed and he drank his last beer and then two of the teas. He passed out on couch after he made such a stink about wanting to spend time with me. I couldn’t wake him up.

Saturday-  I wake up to his erection poking me in the back, while he grinds against my butt. When I get up and leave the room to go sleep on the couch he follows me and asks “Do you find me disgusting” I try explaining that I was a little put off by actions night before and he’s very defensive. starts talking about how I never cook dinner. I tell him whenever I point out irresponsible things he does, he doesn’t respond to them he just tries to find something to throw at me. Talk about how I usually cook on weekdays but not weekends, because of him WANTING to eat out. That it’s expensive and I don’t really care about cooking and I could do it everyday, but sometimes with all the stuff going on with im working late, and the kids appts, it’s easier to just order out. . He tells me the reason I wanted to cook out night before was to get out of cooking. Tells me he thought I just wanted him to stop drinking while the kids were still up, he shouldn’t have to ask permission to drink. I explain it wasn’t about permission, it was that he said he wanted to spend time with me and we’ve been fighting a lot. I didn’t want any added problems that we didn’t need. I told him that I’ve explained before that I’m uncomfortable with his drinking patterns and that even if he doesn’t see anything wrong with it, I can’t deal with it. I didn’t let him upset me or respond to the mean remarks he was making. This seemed to confuse him, like he was trying to instigate a fight. He then seemed more compelled to work on things. I wonder if this has more to do with his insecurity in me going out with my girlfriends or if it is about having sex. We have sex. Afterwards it seems as though he finds our relationship to be “fixed” while I’m still perplexed at everything going on. He acts completely different all day. Until just before I leave to go out. I decide to take last 3 twisted teas with me so there isn’t any alcohol in the house while he is here with kids alone.

Sunday- Got home around 11am. We had a discussion over money and how side job money is used. Feels he’s entitled because of hard work, should get to treat him self first. I explain we already did treat ourselves to $10k in debt. Says it doesn’t feel worth it to do side work if he can’t enjoy it. Told him I was tired of worrying about money and that he spends frivolously all the time.He wants t o go to store to get his favorite potato skins and pizza , even though I have thawed out pork chops for dinner. While at store , he Saw Warsteiner 12pk on sale… he wanted to get it. I told him I thought it was a waste he would drink it all in one night, don’t understand why we can’t just keep beer in the fridge and make it last for the week. I told him that he should get it since it was on sale, but not to make me regret it. He had about 5 beers when I made a comment about it.He had two more, then suddenly stopped and asked me if he was “allowed” before getting his 8th. I’m not really sure what that was about, but it felt as if he’s making me responsible for his drinking. He went on to finish the 12pack (11, I dumped last one down sink) When I asked him why he was doing this to himself and why he doesn’t understand that I don’t want to deal with it and I don’t want the kids to deal with it, he became annoyed adn angry. I said that maybe he just shouldn’t drink at home anymore and he should just go out and drink if that’s what he wants to do. He said that was a better option than divorce. I started crying and asked him if he was listening to himself…..that he actually thought we should be making compromises and accommodations for his drinking and how pathetic that was. He told me that I acted as if he did “this” all the time. I told him it’s been like 2-3x a week. He said I was full of shit. I said I could probably check my journal entries because I usually have written about it. This made him think that I was keeping tabs on him for something I guess because he promptly told me he was keeping track too. He showed me a little log he wrote Saturday night when I went out.

(Left 8:55- did not tell kids good-bye, was nervous, upset, drove from akron-ravenna- drunk? – open container? – waiting for call -stays out all night- comes home without panties – started period.)

I was nervous and upset because I told him he was putting pressure on me before I left, reminding me of my responsibilities when I always tend to them, threatening me…saying…just remember what you do, I can do. I had one drink at the bar. I never even drank the twisted tea I had taken with me. I was designated driver. I told him I would probably stay the night at Bev’s. I called him at midnight from Bev’s home phone so it would show up on caller ID so he knows I was there. And I left the house without panties, I don’t wear underwear unless I’m on my period. He knows that. When I got home, I had to go get underwear because I had woke up with my period.

Anyways. this upset me a lot….I took all my personal belongings up to the room with me and locked the door.

Monday- he disconnected the internet connection and wireless router, preventing me from doing school work that he knew I had to get completed because I had spent 3 days with my family and not doing any of it. Later during the day, I had to take Pickle for an appointment with a urologist at Children’s hospital and I couldn’t find the money I had set aside for parking. I called him and asked if he took it out of my purse and he had. I had to go to my Mom’s for 3 hours Monday evening to do my  homework on her computer. In preparing for for an appointment at SSA for Tuesday, I couldn’t find my licnese. I looked everywhere, tearing things apart and looking over and under everything. I called him (who was working a side job) and asked him if he had taken that too, which he denied. I said well, first when I asked about the money, you said no and then you told me you did, so I just want to make sure. He told me he looked in his wallet and it wasn’t there.

Tuesday – He got home from his side job around 12:30am and he gave me $100 of the money with my driver’s license. When I asked him where he had found it, he said it was in the corner counter in the kitchen. I know this is a lie because I took everything off of that counter in particular. I guess this means he lied…yet again. At my appt with SSA, the rep tells me I need to open an account with just me and Pickle’s name on it for his check deposits. My husband is very suspicious of this when I tell him. Even after I explain it he keeps giving me looks. I hear him on the phone with the guy he does side work for telling him that he was there working on that apartment until 3 in the morning. Why did he lie about something so small and unnecessary? I wonder if he might be so suspicious of others all the time because HE is shady and HE constantly tells lies. We take the kids to see “CARS”. We don’t really talk much at all.

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