I wish I could put my finger on what exactly it is that I’m feeling right now and express it clearly … I just can’t. I’m at a lost for understanding things. Maybe it’s because there is a lot of noise around me that makes it hard to zone in on one focus point or maybe it’s because all things don’t always make sense. My head is just a lot of jumbled up deep thoughts that I can’t convey at the moment. Part of me thinks, I’m just tired of having a chastiser looming around all my posts to criticize and disect my words. The thoughts I’m tossing around and choke back come from a very honest place and judgement is the last thing needed.
So I avoid … and resent.
There is this, though. This song. I’ve listened to it over a dozen times this morning. It kinda speaks of the place where I am right now.
“Come to me now
And lay your hands over me
Even if it’s a lie
Say it will be alright
And I shall believe
I’m broken in two
And I know you’re on to me
That I only come home
When I’m so all alone
But I do believe
That not everything is gonna be the way
You think it ought to be
It seems like every time I try to make it right
It all comes down on me
Please say honestly you won’t give up on me
And I shall believe
And I shall believe
Open the door
And show me your face tonight
I know it’s true
No one heals me like you
And you hold the key
Never again
would I turn away from you
I’m so heavy tonight
But your love is alright
And I do believe
That not everything is gonna be the way
You think it ought to be
It seems like every time I try to make it right
It all comes down on me
Please say honestly
You won’t give up on me
And I shall believe
I shall believe”
~ Sheryl Crow, I Shall Believe
I love that!
Pregnancy question: What do contractions feel like? Is it too early for me to be having them once in a while?
Thanks for the help with the gestational diabetes. My nutritionist sent me an email today telling me how many carbs. I should be having in starches, milk and fruit. She didn’t sent me what I should be having per meal and per snack though. She told me ‘counting carbs. can be tricky’. I think it’s time for me to be looking for another nutritionist.
No one should have to be judged on their words in such a personal place. I’m sorry you feel that way. I know it makes it hard to write.
Miss you too, looking forward to August!