Choking

I wish I could put my finger on what exactly it is that I’m feeling right now and express it clearly … I just can’t. I’m at a lost for understanding things. Maybe it’s because there is a lot of noise around me that makes it hard to zone in on one focus point or maybe it’s because all things don’t always make sense. My head is just a lot of jumbled up deep thoughts that I can’t convey at the moment. Part of me thinks, I’m just tired of having a chastiser looming around all my posts to criticize and disect my words. The thoughts I’m tossing around and choke back come from a very honest place and judgement is the last thing needed.

So I avoid … and resent.

There is this, though. This song. I’ve listened to it over a dozen times this morning. It kinda speaks of the place where I am right now.

“Come to me now

And lay your hands over me

Even if it’s a lie
Say it will be alright
And I shall believe

I’m broken in two
And I know you’re on to me
That I only come home
When I’m so all alone
But I do believe

That not everything is gonna be the way
You think it ought to be
It seems like every time I try to make it right
It all comes down on me
Please say honestly you won’t give up on me
And I shall believe
And I shall believe

Open the door
And show me your face tonight
I know it’s true
No one heals me like you
And you hold the key

Never again
would I turn away from you
I’m so heavy tonight
But your love is alright
And I do believe

That not everything is gonna be the way
You think it ought to be
It seems like every time I try to make it right
It all comes down on me
Please say honestly
You won’t give up on me
And I shall believe
I shall believe”

~ Sheryl Crow, I Shall Believe

3 thoughts on “Choking

  1. I love that!
    Pregnancy question:  What do contractions feel like? Is it too early for me to be having them once in a while?
    Thanks for the help with the gestational diabetes.  My nutritionist sent me an email today telling me how many carbs. I should be having in starches, milk and fruit.  She didn’t sent me what I should be having per meal and per snack though.  She told me ‘counting carbs. can be tricky’.  I think it’s time for me to be looking for another nutritionist.

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